Tag Archives: brown road chronicles

Sudden Death Overtime

This post is part of the Write On Project: Topic – Intentions vs. Goals.

Color Guy:  Well, here we go fans… this is it… it’s a nail biter here as we start this sudden death overtime period… still no goals scored in this one.  TEAM WARNER needs to get one here to stay in this series.  But TEAM HINDRANCE is putting on a phenomenal defensive performance… I think this one just may go down to the wire.  Here comes the faceoff… Let’s roll…

Play by Play:  TEAM WARNER wins the faceoff… WARNER’S got the puck and he’s skating down the ice… I think he might just be able to finally get that kid’s book written, he’s been trying to score that goal for several months now… he passes to THELOVINGWIFE… I think he might just be able to break free from his usual obligations… there he goes, he’s open down the side… he’s looking for a scoring opportunity…THELOVINGWIFE passes the puck back… looks like WARNER is going to take the shot… he fires… OH NO… it’s blocked by the defender… Boy, WARNER had good intentions on that one… but he just couldn’t pull it off this time…

Color Guy:  WOW, that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES, he’s been quite a player for TEAM HINDRANCE… always finding a way to get in front of those shots on goal… he’s like a brick wall, just standing right there in the way… amazing defender that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES…

Play by Play:  Yes, he is quite a player.  Back on the move…  TEAM HINDRANCE comes down the ice…

Color Guy:  Their passing game is something else tonight.  Amazing how they can keep the puck away from TEAM WARNER’S defense…

Play by Play:  WAIT… don’t speak too soon… WARNER steals the puck again, he’s moving down the right side… he’s got a wide open shot… I think he might just be able to find that new career… he’s been after that goal for some time now… looks like the timing might be just right this time… he shoots…. OHHH… MYYY… GOODNESS… right into the goalie’s glove, another great shot on goal… stopped right in its tracks… great intentions once again…

Color Guy:  Yeah, that was a great shot but holy smokes, what a save by CANTFINDANEWJOB… he definitely keeps TEAM HINDRANCE in these games… it’s amazing how fast his reflexes are… time after time, he can just jump right in and block those opportunities… he’s something else.

Play by Play:  Yes, he sure is a solid player…  here we go… CANTFINDANEWJOB fires the puck back out… TEAM HINDRANCE is on the move again… here they come down the ice…

Color Guy:  TEAM HINDRANCE looks good tonight… especially their defense… they’ve got TEAM WARNER back on their heels.

Play by Play:  Yes they do… and they’re moving the puck well… looks like they might have an open shot… look at that!!  Amazing… WARNER steals the puck again… he’s skating up the ice… wide open, he’s got plenty of space and lots of free time… it’s all in his hands… I think he might be able to finally get those house renovations finished… wait, he passes off to GETMOTIVATED… OHHH…NOOOO… GETMOTIVATED misses the pass…

Color Guy:  Unbelievable… that GETMOTIVATED… he just can’t seem to get it done like he used to…

Play by Play:  The puck’s off the wall… look at that… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH… he’s got control of the puck for TEAM WARNER… he might just save this play… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH fires it back to WARNER who’s wide open just outside the crease… he’s wide open… there’s the puck… it’s on his stick… WARNER’S gonna fire off a shot on goal… I think he’s got good intentions on this one… he shoots!  Whoa!  Did you see that?  Did you see that play by TOOFUCKINGLAZY… completely out of nowhere… out of nowhere, he just deflected that shot… where did he come from?

Color Guy:  Yeah, I did see that… unreal… it was like he wasn’t even there… then suddenly he was there… that’s how TOOFUCKINGLAZY works though… he just shows up out of nowhere… an incredible player that TOOFUCKINGLAZY!

Play by Play: This one is definitely coming down to the wire… time is quickly running out for TEAM WARNER…  here comes TEAM HINDRANCE down the ice for one last opportunity… WOW, look at that… an amazing defensive play by THELOVINGWIFE… TEAM WARNER has regained control of the puck. .. THELOVINGWIFE passes off to WARNER… they’re both on the move… this is it… they look strong… do you think they’ll finally be able to get the house cleaned up in these last few seconds of play?

Color Guy:  I don’t know… YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY has played one heck of a defensive game… and it looks like he’s, once again, in prime position to break up this play…

Play by Play:  I don’t know… TEAM WARNER is looking good… WARNER passes back to THELOVINGWIFE… she blows right past YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY… she’s got an open shot… she pulls her stick back… shoots… Unbelievable!  What a play by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… he just stopped that shot before it could even get started…

Color Guy:  Yes, that was some stop by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… it’s stunning how he can derail even the most beautifully executed play… what a defensive performer… Amazing!

Play by Play:  Well, looks like time’s about to wrap up on this one… TEAM WARNER has missed another prime opportunity to score some goals on TEAM HINDRANCE… I don’t know… these TEAM WARNER players… they’ve got great intentions, they just can’t seem to get those goals in the net…

Color Guy:  You’re right… you know…maybe they need to look at the free agency market to see if there’s any top players they could acquire… I think I heard JUSTKEEPDRINKING is available…

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Missing Person

This is part of the phone calls to Julie series.

Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME:  Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.

Click

Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi, I just called a second ago, I think we got disconnected.

WP: Okay sir, how can I help you today?

ME:  I’ve spoken to you before. I called you about my BOOBS… do you remember? You were very helpful the last time I called.

WP: Yes, you sound familiar… how may I help you today?

ME:  Hey, have you read my blog, Brown Road Chronicles, yet?  It’s very funny.

WP:  Sir, no I still have not read your blog… in fact, chances are I will never read your blog… as I told you last time, WordPress has over 300,000 blogs and I can’t read them all.  We are very busy today, is there something I can help you with?

ME:  Hmmm… that’s too bad, it’s very funny.  I think you’d like it.  Have you ever read the Mindslam?

WP:  SIR, NO, I HAVE NOT READ THE MINDSLAM! NOW IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?

ME:  Oh… I’m sorry.  I know you are very busy, thank you for taking my call. I’m very concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.

WP:  Sir, please stop that… I don’t know what you’re talking about… you say something is missing?

ME:  No, no, not some-THING… some-ONE is missing.  I’d like to file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Sir, if you think someone is missing, you shouldn’t be speaking to me, you should be contacting your local police department.

ME:  Yes, yes… I know…  I did call the police, but they weren’t very helpful and they suggested that I call you.  In fact they were very mean and disrespectful… then they abruptly hung up on me… they aren’t nearly as friendly as you are Julie.  I tried to contact Edmonton Tourist also?

WP:  Uhhh… Edmonton Tourist… is that like a magazine or something?

ME:  No, that’s a person… a friend of mine.

WP:  Oh… well sir, thank you for your kind remarks, but I don’t think I can help you either. This is just a technical support line.

ME:  But you were so helpful last time… I thought maybe… you know… you could help me file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Okay, sir… look, I’ll play along.  Who is missing?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Uhhh… Excuse me?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Your naked what?  I’m sorry sir… I don’t understand what you are saying.

ME: Myyyyy Naaaaaakedddd Baaaaakkeeee.

WP: Okay, I got it… please, you don’t have to be condescending to me.

ME: Oh my, I am terribly sorry, I just thought, you know, if I spoke slower…

WP: Okay, so this person… what did you say… your Naked Bokkie… is missing?

ME: No, not YOUR Naked Bokkie… MY Naked Bokkie.

WP: That’s what I said, your Naked Bokkie… okay, okay… mine, yours, whatever… why do you think this person is missing?

ME: Well because she writes a blog called Husbands for Hire and it hasn’t been updated for several weeks.

WP: Aaaah… so this is a blogger you are referring to?

ME: Yes, yes… a blogger…

WP: Sir, this blogger is probably just busy with work and other stuff.  Sometimes people have to take a little break from their blogs to catch up on other things.

ME:  Oh my… they do?

WP: Yes, most bloggers do… don’t you ever take a break from your blogging?

ME: Oh no… last time we spoke you told me I had Obsessive Blogging Disorder and that I should keep blogging as often as possible.  Plus my blog has become very popular… almost as popular as The Big Sheep Blog…you really should take some time to read it… it’s…

WP: PLEASE SIR, we’ve already discussed this!  Yes, you are correct, I did tell you to keep blogging.  But it’s okay to take a break every once in a while.  That’s probably what your friend is doing.  I don’t think there is anything to be concerned about.

ME: Oh… okay… you know what… Walks with Stress was missing for awhile too… and she just came back recently and told us she was busy writing a book.  So you think everything is okay?

WP:  Walks with who…. oh forget it… yes, I think everything is probably okay.

ME: Are you sure?

WP: Yes… I’m sure… is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME:  Do you ever read P.O.R.N.?

Click

To all my readers, I tried to link to as many of you as possible ’cause you all rock, but had to limit the linkages to a few folks who were my first contacts when I joined WordPress… except Emily, of course, but I just had to fit the word PORN in this post!  I guess this is my crazy way of saying thanks for everybody’s support!  To any new readers, please check out my blogroll, there’s lots of great stuff there!  Happy reading!

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Our Ghost Story

Do you believe in ghosts?  Here’s our ghost story…

Is this house haunted?

We’ve lived in our old 1890’s farmhouse for just over 15 years.  We moved in December of 1995 and started making the place our own.  One fall evening, about a month before our closing, my wife Kim drove down to our future home and met with the wife of the couple that was selling the house to us.  She wanted to show Kim some of the quirky (but also functionally important) things about the house;  where the main water shut-off was located, how the old cast-iron radiators had to be bled in the winter, how the side entrance door (which is the primary entrance) had a tricky bolt lock, the name and phone number of the olde-tymer that serviced the boiler, and numerous other old-house peculiarities she thought we should know.  As they were wrapping up the hour or so long tour, my wife, somewhat jokingly, but also with a touch of inquisitive curiousity, asked, “so, is the place haunted?”  She was then told the story about Maggie.

According to our seller, when they had first moved in, just a few short years before, they experienced several ghostly incidences and in turn decided to give their ghost a name.  Maggie, they would call her.  Shortly after their arrival, they began renovating several rooms of the house, nothing significant, mostly fresh paint and new wallpaper.  During one incident, with no one in close proximity, a full can of paint went tumbling off the top of a ladder as they were repainting the dining room… freaky for sure, but possibly explainable.  In a more significant encounter, the wife claimed that one night as she was sitting in the three season porch, she looked over, through the dining room to a small ice cream style table that they had in the kitchen.  There, at the table, sat a woman in an early 1900’s black dress and her hair in a bun.  When she turned her head then looked back, the woman was gone.  She witnessed this woman a second time, late one night, when she awoke from a deep sleep and saw her standing at the end of her bed.  Again the visitor vanished after a few moments.

My wife Kim took these stories with a grain of salt, left for the evening, arrived home and told me about Maggie.   Being reasonable folks, we weren’t going to let a ghost story affect the sale of the house we had fallen in love with.  The sale progressed over the next month and we moved in just before Christmas of 1995.  A few days after carrying our furniture and our boxed-up life into our new home we took the five-minute drive over to the neighboring Christmas tree farm, cut down a Christmas tree and began making our own memories.

For the record, I don’t really believe in ghosts.  I just think that if they were really spending time with us we’d have more evidence of their existence.  But somewhere deep inside my psyche is a sliver of belief.  I’m not sure why… I guess I kind of want to believe in ghosts.  I find the prospect of it fascinating.  I think the historical significance of ghosts makes for great stories.  I’m a huge fan of the hit TV show Ghost Hunters.  But in reality, I’m mostly a non-believer.  And also for the record, we have never seen or met Maggie.  Have we had some ghostly experiences?  Sure, most old house owners do.  I think that’s a function of houses that settle, that have leaky windows that make ghoulish sounds as the wind sneaks through the cracks and that have older electrical systems.

Early on we had a light in a downstairs bathroom that would turn on by its self.  One morning, after witnessing the light go on as I sat in the adjacent room, I went into the bathroom, neck-hair standing straight up, and discovered the old light switch was just loose and if it wasn’t pushed down completely when the light was turned off, a few minutes later it would pop back up and voila… the light would go on.  One evening as were getting ready to head upstairs for bed, as I approached the stairs I saw the perfectly shaped shadow of a man’s head on the opposite wall.  Yes, it stopped me in my tracks and raised my hackles!  But after a little investigation we found the source, just a light reflecting off the mirror on the opposite wall and creating a shadow from some items sitting on our dining room table.  Even this past Friday, New Years Eve, as I sat at that same dining room table, working on my recent blog posts, I clearly heard my first name spoken in what I swore was my wife’s voice.  But my wife was at work on that Friday.  “Is Kim home early”, I thought, trying not to be totally freaked out.  I called to my daughter who was in the kitchen and asked, “Madeline is Mom there?  I swear I just heard her say my name.”  “No”, she said, and then proceeded to tell me she thought she had heard HER name in that same area just a week or so earlier, in a kind of quiet, hushed voice.  CREEPY!!!  Do I have an explanation for those events?  No, I guess I don’t, but when I heard what I thought was my name, my son and one of his friends were running around just upstairs.  It could have been anything, a noise they made, a sound from their active playing.  Same with Madeline’s experience, not enough evidence that it was a real paranormal event.  Spooky… yes, paranormal… probably not!

However, if there is a Maggie, we have decided that she must be okay with us living here and is, for now, happy to keep to herself.  She apparently must be satisfied with us as the current caretakers of her house old farmhouse on Brown Road.  We have since done some major renovations to the house (a common ghost aggravator) but still have not met or seen our theoretical guest.  That makes us feel better about the possibility of having another resident amongst us.  And if it turns out there really is a Maggie, I think I know who she is.

One other significant tidbit of information we discovered from the sellers is that they had heard that our house had at one time, back in the late 1890’s and early 1900’s, operated as a Post Office for the few local residents in the area, at the time known as the Mint District due to the local farming and production of mint flavoring.  Several years ago I began to do some research on the history of our home and discovered that the Post Office story was true.  From the book Water Over the Dam, a history of Vicksburg, Michigan, published in 1972 by the Vicksburg historical society, I found the following excerpt:

At about this time (1891) a post office was established in the Mint district (there were five mint stills in the area), through the single-handed efforts of Mrs. Abner Yorton, (maiden name Abbie Hill) daughter of Cornelius Hill, mother of Mrs.  Mabel Godshalk.  Mrs. Yorton, the busy mother of five children, grew tired of driving to Vicksburg twice a week to pick up mail for herself and neighbors.  She contacted the Post Master General who told her if one letter a day was mailed from her area for a period of six months, the government would establish a post office there.  As Mrs. Yorton’s husband was a traveling salesman who traveled throughout the United States, she wrote him a letter every day for the six months, drove into Vicksburg and saw that it was properly postmarked.  The post office was established on June 30, 1890.

Having this information in hand, with names to boot, I was able to track down more details about this family, whom as best as I can tell, were the original owners of our home, and ultimately came upon the photo below which was given to me by a distant relative who had posted some of the family history on a genealogy website. 

Apparently the Hill Family was prominent in our rural area during this time period and many members of the family and their relatives are buried in the small cemetery just ½ mile or so up the road from us, including the baby in the center of the photo who died as an infant (thus the mention of only five children above).  The older man in the photo (3rd from the right) is Abner Yorton, the salesman mentioned in Water on the Dam.  The older woman (3rd from the left) is Abbie Hill… in her early 1900’s black dress and with her hair in a bun.  Is Abbie Hill our Maggie?  Is there a reason she is possibly still lingering about our house?

For now, I’ll assume that Maggie is nothing but a far-fetched ghost story and that Abbie Hill is currently “resting in peace” in her final burial place.  If the time comes though, when Maggie decides to introduce herself to us… well, that will make for one hell of a blog post!

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized