Tag Archives: mess

May 17, 2011 · 12:50 pm

Sudden Death Overtime

This post is part of the Write On Project: Topic – Intentions vs. Goals.

Color Guy:  Well, here we go fans… this is it… it’s a nail biter here as we start this sudden death overtime period… still no goals scored in this one.  TEAM WARNER needs to get one here to stay in this series.  But TEAM HINDRANCE is putting on a phenomenal defensive performance… I think this one just may go down to the wire.  Here comes the faceoff… Let’s roll…

Play by Play:  TEAM WARNER wins the faceoff… WARNER’S got the puck and he’s skating down the ice… I think he might just be able to finally get that kid’s book written, he’s been trying to score that goal for several months now… he passes to THELOVINGWIFE… I think he might just be able to break free from his usual obligations… there he goes, he’s open down the side… he’s looking for a scoring opportunity…THELOVINGWIFE passes the puck back… looks like WARNER is going to take the shot… he fires… OH NO… it’s blocked by the defender… Boy, WARNER had good intentions on that one… but he just couldn’t pull it off this time…

Color Guy:  WOW, that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES, he’s been quite a player for TEAM HINDRANCE… always finding a way to get in front of those shots on goal… he’s like a brick wall, just standing right there in the way… amazing defender that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES…

Play by Play:  Yes, he is quite a player.  Back on the move…  TEAM HINDRANCE comes down the ice…

Color Guy:  Their passing game is something else tonight.  Amazing how they can keep the puck away from TEAM WARNER’S defense…

Play by Play:  WAIT… don’t speak too soon… WARNER steals the puck again, he’s moving down the right side… he’s got a wide open shot… I think he might just be able to find that new career… he’s been after that goal for some time now… looks like the timing might be just right this time… he shoots…. OHHH… MYYY… GOODNESS… right into the goalie’s glove, another great shot on goal… stopped right in its tracks… great intentions once again…

Color Guy:  Yeah, that was a great shot but holy smokes, what a save by CANTFINDANEWJOB… he definitely keeps TEAM HINDRANCE in these games… it’s amazing how fast his reflexes are… time after time, he can just jump right in and block those opportunities… he’s something else.

Play by Play:  Yes, he sure is a solid player…  here we go… CANTFINDANEWJOB fires the puck back out… TEAM HINDRANCE is on the move again… here they come down the ice…

Color Guy:  TEAM HINDRANCE looks good tonight… especially their defense… they’ve got TEAM WARNER back on their heels.

Play by Play:  Yes they do… and they’re moving the puck well… looks like they might have an open shot… look at that!!  Amazing… WARNER steals the puck again… he’s skating up the ice… wide open, he’s got plenty of space and lots of free time… it’s all in his hands… I think he might be able to finally get those house renovations finished… wait, he passes off to GETMOTIVATED… OHHH…NOOOO… GETMOTIVATED misses the pass…

Color Guy:  Unbelievable… that GETMOTIVATED… he just can’t seem to get it done like he used to…

Play by Play:  The puck’s off the wall… look at that… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH… he’s got control of the puck for TEAM WARNER… he might just save this play… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH fires it back to WARNER who’s wide open just outside the crease… he’s wide open… there’s the puck… it’s on his stick… WARNER’S gonna fire off a shot on goal… I think he’s got good intentions on this one… he shoots!  Whoa!  Did you see that?  Did you see that play by TOOFUCKINGLAZY… completely out of nowhere… out of nowhere, he just deflected that shot… where did he come from?

Color Guy:  Yeah, I did see that… unreal… it was like he wasn’t even there… then suddenly he was there… that’s how TOOFUCKINGLAZY works though… he just shows up out of nowhere… an incredible player that TOOFUCKINGLAZY!

Play by Play: This one is definitely coming down to the wire… time is quickly running out for TEAM WARNER…  here comes TEAM HINDRANCE down the ice for one last opportunity… WOW, look at that… an amazing defensive play by THELOVINGWIFE… TEAM WARNER has regained control of the puck. .. THELOVINGWIFE passes off to WARNER… they’re both on the move… this is it… they look strong… do you think they’ll finally be able to get the house cleaned up in these last few seconds of play?

Color Guy:  I don’t know… YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY has played one heck of a defensive game… and it looks like he’s, once again, in prime position to break up this play…

Play by Play:  I don’t know… TEAM WARNER is looking good… WARNER passes back to THELOVINGWIFE… she blows right past YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY… she’s got an open shot… she pulls her stick back… shoots… Unbelievable!  What a play by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… he just stopped that shot before it could even get started…

Color Guy:  Yes, that was some stop by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… it’s stunning how he can derail even the most beautifully executed play… what a defensive performer… Amazing!

Play by Play:  Well, looks like time’s about to wrap up on this one… TEAM WARNER has missed another prime opportunity to score some goals on TEAM HINDRANCE… I don’t know… these TEAM WARNER players… they’ve got great intentions, they just can’t seem to get those goals in the net…

Color Guy:  You’re right… you know…maybe they need to look at the free agency market to see if there’s any top players they could acquire… I think I heard JUSTKEEPDRINKING is available…

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April 6, 2011 · 5:42 pm

Messy Marvin and the Dead Monster

I’m Messy Marvin and I’m in quite a mess.
A mess that I don’t know how to address.
I’m not even sure quite where to begin.
Listen up for a moment and I’ll fill you right in.

My Dad’s truck has a dead monster inside.
There’s an atrocious smell when he gives us a ride.
He drives my sister and me to school each day,
and his truck smells smelly like rot and decay.

My Dad has been driving this truck for awhile.
“About ten years” he says with a smile.
So it’s strange that the monster had never appeared.
My Sister and I think that’s frightfully weird.

Now I’m not scared of monsters like you may think.
But I really don’t like dead monsters that stink.
I just can’t seem to figure out where he died.
I’ve tried and I’ve searched and I’ve searched and I’ve tried.

So how do I know it’s a monster you say?
Well it all started just the other day,
When my Dad said to my Sister and me,
“You’ve made a monstrous mess of my truck you see!”

My Dad blamed the smell on my sister and me.
He said “it’s the French fries and soda and candy.”
“The food that you eat when I’m driving you places.”
“The food that you spill as you’re stuffing your faces.”

What do messes have to do with monsters, I thought?
That’s a subject in school I’ve never been taught.
But Dad must be right because Dad’s know best.
About monsters and messes and all of the rest.

So he must be correct, it’s because of our mess.
He must know something, he wouldn’t just guess.
He must know the monster came from our trash.
He must know it grew from a soda-pop splash.

So I pictured this monster with all of my might.
What a sight it must be, a horrible fright!
Made from the garbage we throw on the floor
The garbage we never pick up anymore.

I pictured his body was a large paper plate.
Greasy and dirty from some breakfast I ate.
His arms and his legs, long strands of French fries.
Salt and ketchup connecting his shins to his thighs.

I pictured his round, creepy face was a waffle.
Half soaked in syrup and looking quite awful.
A bite from one side meant one eye was not there.
Like a pirate he had only one he could spare.

His eye and his ears and likely his nose,
I pictured as stale, crusty Cheerios.
His big grinning mouth was a straw from a drink.
Smoking a cigar that’s an old sausage link.

I pictured his clothes were some discarded napkins,
And pieces of foil that Pop-Tarts had been wrapped in.
With a handful of tissues I’d used for my nose
I pictured he’d fashioned some socks for his toes.

Chicken Nuggets, I pictured, he wore as his shoes.
Soaked in ketchup and starting to ooze.
A popsicle stick he used as a cane.
Because his French fry appendages caused him some pain.

Now I’m not scared of monsters, just like I said
But this picture I pictured filled me with dread.
That this monster had been living inside my Dad’s truck.
Wreaking his havoc and running amuck!

But now he is dead and we sure need to find him.
Maybe Dad will help, I just need to remind him.
If we don’t do something about this dead smelly ghoul.
I might have to start riding the bus to school!

So, I think I’ll start trying to keep his truck cleaner.
By eating with more of a grown-up demeanor.
And I’ll leave you with just a bit of advice.
Listen up closely, I won’t say this twice.

Next time you’re riding in your Mom or Dad’s car.
And drinking some juice or eating a candy bar.
Please try to keep it tidy and neat.
Or you may find a monster living under your seat!

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