Missing Person

This is part of the phone calls to Julie series.

Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME:  Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.


Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi, I just called a second ago, I think we got disconnected.

WP: Okay sir, how can I help you today?

ME:  I’ve spoken to you before. I called you about my BOOBS… do you remember? You were very helpful the last time I called.

WP: Yes, you sound familiar… how may I help you today?

ME:  Hey, have you read my blog, Brown Road Chronicles, yet?  It’s very funny.

WP:  Sir, no I still have not read your blog… in fact, chances are I will never read your blog… as I told you last time, WordPress has over 300,000 blogs and I can’t read them all.  We are very busy today, is there something I can help you with?

ME:  Hmmm… that’s too bad, it’s very funny.  I think you’d like it.  Have you ever read the Mindslam?


ME:  Oh… I’m sorry.  I know you are very busy, thank you for taking my call. I’m very concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.

WP:  Sir, please stop that… I don’t know what you’re talking about… you say something is missing?

ME:  No, no, not some-THING… some-ONE is missing.  I’d like to file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Sir, if you think someone is missing, you shouldn’t be speaking to me, you should be contacting your local police department.

ME:  Yes, yes… I know…  I did call the police, but they weren’t very helpful and they suggested that I call you.  In fact they were very mean and disrespectful… then they abruptly hung up on me… they aren’t nearly as friendly as you are Julie.  I tried to contact Edmonton Tourist also?

WP:  Uhhh… Edmonton Tourist… is that like a magazine or something?

ME:  No, that’s a person… a friend of mine.

WP:  Oh… well sir, thank you for your kind remarks, but I don’t think I can help you either. This is just a technical support line.

ME:  But you were so helpful last time… I thought maybe… you know… you could help me file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Okay, sir… look, I’ll play along.  Who is missing?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Uhhh… Excuse me?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Your naked what?  I’m sorry sir… I don’t understand what you are saying.

ME: Myyyyy Naaaaaakedddd Baaaaakkeeee.

WP: Okay, I got it… please, you don’t have to be condescending to me.

ME: Oh my, I am terribly sorry, I just thought, you know, if I spoke slower…

WP: Okay, so this person… what did you say… your Naked Bokkie… is missing?

ME: No, not YOUR Naked Bokkie… MY Naked Bokkie.

WP: That’s what I said, your Naked Bokkie… okay, okay… mine, yours, whatever… why do you think this person is missing?

ME: Well because she writes a blog called Husbands for Hire and it hasn’t been updated for several weeks.

WP: Aaaah… so this is a blogger you are referring to?

ME: Yes, yes… a blogger…

WP: Sir, this blogger is probably just busy with work and other stuff.  Sometimes people have to take a little break from their blogs to catch up on other things.

ME:  Oh my… they do?

WP: Yes, most bloggers do… don’t you ever take a break from your blogging?

ME: Oh no… last time we spoke you told me I had Obsessive Blogging Disorder and that I should keep blogging as often as possible.  Plus my blog has become very popular… almost as popular as The Big Sheep Blog…you really should take some time to read it… it’s…

WP: PLEASE SIR, we’ve already discussed this!  Yes, you are correct, I did tell you to keep blogging.  But it’s okay to take a break every once in a while.  That’s probably what your friend is doing.  I don’t think there is anything to be concerned about.

ME: Oh… okay… you know what… Walks with Stress was missing for awhile too… and she just came back recently and told us she was busy writing a book.  So you think everything is okay?

WP:  Walks with who…. oh forget it… yes, I think everything is probably okay.

ME: Are you sure?

WP: Yes… I’m sure… is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME:  Do you ever read P.O.R.N.?


To all my readers, I tried to link to as many of you as possible ’cause you all rock, but had to limit the linkages to a few folks who were my first contacts when I joined WordPress… except Emily, of course, but I just had to fit the word PORN in this post!  I guess this is my crazy way of saying thanks for everybody’s support!  To any new readers, please check out my blogroll, there’s lots of great stuff there!  Happy reading!


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17 responses to “Missing Person

  1. Ha, it took me a minute to figure out what you were doing. What a clever way to link. 🙂

    Just like a dude, having to get his daily porn in!

    Lake Forest, CA

  2. bigsheepcommunications

    OMG, My Naked Bokkie is missing too! We gotta do something – missing posters, search teams, tracking dogs…let’s go!

  3. I’ve had a lot of blogging buddies go AWOL lately…must be something in the air!

    Cute post, Steve!


  4. LOL, pretty clever post Steve!

    I love the calls you make to “WP technical support” 🙂

  5. This is so excellent! I love your phone calls, Steve. And the punchline of course! You’re welcome to use P.O.R.N. to your own advantage any time you like 😉

  6. I’m here! I’m here! I love the post. Hysterical!! No one has ever called a help line about me before. At least not that I’m aware of…

    I miss some of our blogging friends too and hope your post has nudged them back into writing. 🙂

  7. I have just been catching up, working through all your posts and i came to this………………….and giggled and giggled and giggled.
    Ah Steve- that was truly the sweetest thing ever!!!! Thank you.
    You are so right- we are one big dysfunctional family, functioning from bits of each other’s daily mumblings.
    That was really precious. Thanks again. I am back…. but still so bored with my life man. Need to find that “thing”.

    • Hey there, now its me that’s been “missing” for several days at least. Well we are all glad to have you back. I do have a core group of bloggers that I hope to be able to stay in touch with although as it continues to grow it becomes more and more difficult. Anyway, I know you are “bored”, as I am as well. I am not bored with my “life” though, I am bored with my “work life” and I think that is maybe where you are too. I love my personal life, my family, my friends, my home, my personal activities. The problem becomes when boredom, frustration, resentment from your work life begins to infiltrate into your personal life which has begun happening to me. I used love my job, but no longer and that is why it needs to and will change soon. As you are well aware, we need to spend a good chunk of our free time working and that is okay with me, but I am a firm believer that you need to find something that makes you happy at some level. Work should never be only about the income, there is no amount of money that is worth spending most of your time in an unhappy state of mind. Lots of people would probably disagree with that and say you work SO you can enjoy your personal life. They can easily separate the two parts of their lives. Well, if someone can exist that way, more power to them. That’s not me and I suspect its not you. It takes a lot of courage to step out of that comfort zone and try to do something else. I am slowly building up that courage. You do need to find that “thing” as you say. Remember there is nothing wrong with making a career change as long as you do it responsibly. And unfortunately, although I love to write, I don’t believe that will ever be lucrative enough (or at all) to do on a full time basis. Oh well, enough of my preaching. Glad to have you back writing!!!

  8. You totally rock Steve! Where I just use my wood…I mean the natural kind…the tree kind…sheesh!! 😉

  9. Man, dude…don’t know how I missed this one. Very cool…Thanks so much for mentioning me! Boobs was one of my favorites anyway! Very cool!

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