This post is part of the Write On Project: Topic – Intentions vs. Goals.
Color Guy: Well, here we go fans… this is it… it’s a nail biter here as we start this sudden death overtime period… still no goals scored in this one. TEAM WARNER needs to get one here to stay in this series. But TEAM HINDRANCE is putting on a phenomenal defensive performance… I think this one just may go down to the wire. Here comes the faceoff… Let’s roll…
Play by Play: TEAM WARNER wins the faceoff… WARNER’S got the puck and he’s skating down the ice… I think he might just be able to finally get that kid’s book written, he’s been trying to score that goal for several months now… he passes to THELOVINGWIFE… I think he might just be able to break free from his usual obligations… there he goes, he’s open down the side… he’s looking for a scoring opportunity…THELOVINGWIFE passes the puck back… looks like WARNER is going to take the shot… he fires… OH NO… it’s blocked by the defender… Boy, WARNER had good intentions on that one… but he just couldn’t pull it off this time…
Color Guy: WOW, that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES, he’s been quite a player for TEAM HINDRANCE… always finding a way to get in front of those shots on goal… he’s like a brick wall, just standing right there in the way… amazing defender that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES…
Play by Play: Yes, he is quite a player. Back on the move… TEAM HINDRANCE comes down the ice…
Color Guy: Their passing game is something else tonight. Amazing how they can keep the puck away from TEAM WARNER’S defense…
Play by Play: WAIT… don’t speak too soon… WARNER steals the puck again, he’s moving down the right side… he’s got a wide open shot… I think he might just be able to find that new career… he’s been after that goal for some time now… looks like the timing might be just right this time… he shoots…. OHHH… MYYY… GOODNESS… right into the goalie’s glove, another great shot on goal… stopped right in its tracks… great intentions once again…
Color Guy: Yeah, that was a great shot but holy smokes, what a save by CANTFINDANEWJOB… he definitely keeps TEAM HINDRANCE in these games… it’s amazing how fast his reflexes are… time after time, he can just jump right in and block those opportunities… he’s something else.
Play by Play: Yes, he sure is a solid player… here we go… CANTFINDANEWJOB fires the puck back out… TEAM HINDRANCE is on the move again… here they come down the ice…
Color Guy: TEAM HINDRANCE looks good tonight… especially their defense… they’ve got TEAM WARNER back on their heels.
Play by Play: Yes they do… and they’re moving the puck well… looks like they might have an open shot… look at that!! Amazing… WARNER steals the puck again… he’s skating up the ice… wide open, he’s got plenty of space and lots of free time… it’s all in his hands… I think he might be able to finally get those house renovations finished… wait, he passes off to GETMOTIVATED… OHHH…NOOOO… GETMOTIVATED misses the pass…
Color Guy: Unbelievable… that GETMOTIVATED… he just can’t seem to get it done like he used to…
Play by Play: The puck’s off the wall… look at that… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH… he’s got control of the puck for TEAM WARNER… he might just save this play… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH fires it back to WARNER who’s wide open just outside the crease… he’s wide open… there’s the puck… it’s on his stick… WARNER’S gonna fire off a shot on goal… I think he’s got good intentions on this one… he shoots! Whoa! Did you see that? Did you see that play by TOOFUCKINGLAZY… completely out of nowhere… out of nowhere, he just deflected that shot… where did he come from?
Color Guy: Yeah, I did see that… unreal… it was like he wasn’t even there… then suddenly he was there… that’s how TOOFUCKINGLAZY works though… he just shows up out of nowhere… an incredible player that TOOFUCKINGLAZY!
Play by Play: This one is definitely coming down to the wire… time is quickly running out for TEAM WARNER… here comes TEAM HINDRANCE down the ice for one last opportunity… WOW, look at that… an amazing defensive play by THELOVINGWIFE… TEAM WARNER has regained control of the puck. .. THELOVINGWIFE passes off to WARNER… they’re both on the move… this is it… they look strong… do you think they’ll finally be able to get the house cleaned up in these last few seconds of play?
Color Guy: I don’t know… YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY has played one heck of a defensive game… and it looks like he’s, once again, in prime position to break up this play…
Play by Play: I don’t know… TEAM WARNER is looking good… WARNER passes back to THELOVINGWIFE… she blows right past YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY… she’s got an open shot… she pulls her stick back… shoots… Unbelievable! What a play by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… he just stopped that shot before it could even get started…
Color Guy: Yes, that was some stop by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… it’s stunning how he can derail even the most beautifully executed play… what a defensive performer… Amazing!
Play by Play: Well, looks like time’s about to wrap up on this one… TEAM WARNER has missed another prime opportunity to score some goals on TEAM HINDRANCE… I don’t know… these TEAM WARNER players… they’ve got great intentions, they just can’t seem to get those goals in the net…
Color Guy: You’re right… you know…maybe they need to look at the free agency market to see if there’s any top players they could acquire… I think I heard JUSTKEEPDRINKING is available…
The Brown Road Chronicles 
Gee, Steve…change the name of the team, and I think we’re playing the same game against the same opponents!
TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES and THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS are big ones!
Great analogy…put down the beer, and lace up your skates, dammit!
Wendy
Hopefully you’re scoring more goals than we are!
Love it!
Was it iconic… or epic?
It was stellar.
Great writing, very clever
Thanks Bass!
That’s the thing about sudden death…it is awesome if it is your team and you win. Not so much when you lose. Great Post!
We’re gonna start winning one of these days… I swear!
Now, tell the truth about the inspiration for this story. You really were watching a hockey game and having a few refreshments with the boys, instead of writing. Hun?
Honestly I’m not much of a hockey fan… refreshments with the guys? Yeah def a fan of that. But I was completely sober while writing this… seriously!!
Okay, after telling me she LHAO, THELOVINGWIFE asked me what “Color Guy” was. So for you non-sports types, there are typically two announcers calling a game; the play by play announcer describes the action that is going on; the Color Guy is there to converse with as well as talk about whatever happens to be interesting, i.e. stats, player info, plays on the field, etc. So now you know what the Color Guy does. Don’t you feel enlightened?!?!
I bet that’s how the announcers would really like to call the play by play. I enjoyed your post. Come visit me sometime …
I couldn’t really “get” the ice hockey analogy. Not a sport we have much of around here! Even with that, I still found it funny and a great read! Get those skates laced, mate!
The hockey analogy… didn’t really mean anything other that its a sport that shoot “goals”. Could have just as easily been soccer…. or wait… you probably call it “football”!!
NEVER! Soccer is soccer to anyone that is not a soccer fan. We have our own football – not that funny grid iron stuff! 😀
Great post!