Tag Archives: brown road chronicles

My New Radio Advertisement

The State of Michigan tourism department, “Pure Michigan”, has for several years been running a highly successful and award-winning radio advertising campaign promoting all of the wonderful places that people can visit in the state. The voice-over artist is Tim Allen, of television and film fame, who was a long-time Michigan resident.

So after hearing these radio ads over and over again, I thought, what better way to get more readers than to produce a radio ad promoting my own blog, The Brown Road Chronicles.

I’ve been working very hard on this, please take a listen, it’s hosted on Sound Cloud, hope the link works. Maybe soon you’ll hear this on a radio station near you!

30 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Don’t be that squirrel…

To my loyal long-term subscribers, don’t be concerned, you will not be subjected again, to the squirrel in this post.

In my last entry I discussed possibly closing down Brown Road Chronicles. I also mentioned that I’d decided to keep this blog going and I am here to send some appreciation out to all the people who offered comments and encouragement. Thanks… seriously!

“So… what’s your point?”

Today I was driving home down a major four lane road in a nearby town.  I was in the right lane, a small white car was in the left lane just ahead of me. On the other side, no cars were headed in our direction. About 100 yards ahead of me I saw a squirrel start running across the road.  Now, this clearly wasn’t just any squirrel… this was a squirrel of epic and noble stature, powerful and athletic. This squirrel was running…. FAST… like Usain Bolt breaking world records in the 100 meters at the recent summer Olympics. I could tell, even from a distance, that this squirrel possessed a nimbleness and agility not often seen in the small animal world. I could almost hear the synapses firing as his muscular rear legs propelled him, with hydraulic force, in leaps and bounds across the pavement.

Why was this squirrel crossing the road? Who knows! That’s one of those profound, life altering questions that will perhaps never be answered in our lifetimes.  We’ve pretty much figured out why Chickens cross the road, I mean that’s been hashed out over centuries in riddle after riddle.  But why do squirrels cross the road?  Yeah, I know… seriously… mind blowing….

Perhaps he saw a good-looking girl squirrel on the other side, or a large oak tree dripping with acorns. Maybe he was late for an important appointment. I don’t know… regardless, when you see a squirrel running across the road they are clearly on a mission, they have a goal in sight, they are focused… like a laser… no even more than that… they’re focused… like a pair of binoculars on a boat full of bikini-clad beauties… uhhh, not that I would do that.

Anyhow, so this mythological squirrel goes running across the road, across four lanes, and gets to literally about two feet from the edge of the opposite side.  He had made it across four lanes! He could taste it, two more leaps and he would have been safely in the grass and off to claim whatever dangling carrot had driven him across on this journey in the first place.

BUT…

With just two feet to spare, and still no cars within harm’s way, he slammed on his brakes.  I could hear the pads of his feet, squealing like an Indy Car, as he turned around, righted the ship… and just as powerfully and athletically ran back to his starting position and off into the woods. It was a dramatic change of events, an epic reversal of fortune.  Perhaps he was just attempting to play a little chicken (no pun intended) with any cars that might be in the road, but more likely, he had been plagued with that brief moment of doubt that we have all experienced in life. He had lost his confidence, panicked and had a sudden bout of uncertainty. He didn’t believe in himself and he gave up.

“So… what’s your point?”

Well, don’t be that squirrel.

I’ve decided not to be that squirrel either. I don’t really know why I write this blog, what my goals are, what the purpose is, what the end result will be. What I do know… if you’ve got some nuts you are chasing and you are so close that you can taste them… well, whether they hang from the tree that is your job, or your writing career, or your relationships or wherever… those are your goals and your dreams and they’re important.  They are oh, so important.  So dig down deep in your gut and find the will to go that extra couple of feet and cross your particular road.

Because when you get there… those will be some of the tastiest proverbial nuts you’ve ever eaten!

26 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

I’d Like a Refund

Part of the Phone Calls to Julie Series.

Ring, ring…

WP: Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned… and I’d like a refund.

WP: Ummm… okay sir… what are you concerned about?

ME: Well, I’m concerned that I haven’t become famous yet.

WP: Excuse me?

ME: I’m concerned that I haven’t become famous yet… and I’d like a refund.

WP: What do you mean, you’d like a refund?

ME: I’d like a refund.

WP: Is this the guy from Brown Road Chronicles?

ME:  Yes, yes, do you remember me?

WP: Ummm… how could I forget?  Anyway, what do you mean you’d like a refund?  A refund on what? The WordPress service you’re using is free.

ME:  Oh…. ummm…. well… uhhh…

WP: SIR IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH? We are very busy today. Lots of people have time off this week so there are a lot of bloggers that are writing and need technical assistance… and the phones are ringing off the hook.  Now, what do you mean you haven’t become famous yet?

ME:  See, with 2011 coming to a close… well I’m reflecting…

WP: Reflecting?

ME: Yes… I’m reflecting… on the past year. See, I started my blog about a year ago… and I thought I’d be famous by now.

WP:  Sir, I’m pretty sure that the first time you called me, I told you that most bloggers have this delusion that they are going to be famous authors someday, when in reality the majority will just disappear eventually.

ME: Oh… you did? Well, I’m not just any blogger, I write Brown Road Chronicles.  Have you read my blog yet? It’s very good!

WP: Yes… you’ve mentioned that before… but, no sir, I have not read it… WordPress now has over 400,000 blogs, I can’t read them all.  Unfortunately… you haven’t disappeared yet… uhhh… I mean… uhhh… why don’t you just tell me what’s going on.

ME: Oh… okay… well, one of my first posts last December when I started actively writing was my New Year’s Resolution…

WP:  And what was your New Year’s Resolution?

ME: Well… to become a… Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star, Amish Furniture Maker.

WP: Uhhhh…. a famous… what?

ME: A Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star, Amish Furniture Maker.

WP: What does that mean?

ME: Uhhh… which part?

WP:  Oh… nevermind… so, how’d that go?

ME: Ummm… well, I didn’t really accomplish any of it…

WP:  And… so you’re concerned that you’re not famous yet?

ME: Yes… yes… I thought by writing this blog, I’d be famous by now.

WP: Sir, I… uhhh… noticed all those things in that New Year’s Resolution are kind of… ummm… well, they’re kind of… how do I say this nicely… ummm… VAIN!  Well, except for the… uhhh… what was it… the Amish… uhhh… wood worker…

ME: Amish Furniture Maker…

WP:  Woodworker… furniture maker… whatever… they’re all kind of vain… anyway, why do want to be famous?

ME: Uhhh…. I don’t know…

WP: And what do you want to be famous doing?

ME: Uhhh… I don’t know… I’d like to maybe write a kid’s book someday.

WP: Sir, perhaps in 2012 you should just focus on work and writing and your family and whatever else is important to you… and… well… you know… maybe stop trying to be famous… you know, if you work hard, good things will come… and frankly there’s probably more important things to worry about than being famous.

ME: Oh my… there is?

WP:  Well of course there is… your family and your friends and your career and your contentment and spirituality… basically just focusing on the things that make you happy. What’s that quote “Life is a journey, not a destination” or something like that? Well it’s true… and if you enjoy writing… well, then keep writing. Perhaps in 2012 amazing things will happen. Besides, I’m looking at your stats page and it looks like you have a bunch of subscribers that read and comment regularly on your posts. I’d say you’ve achieved some small level of fame right there!

ME: Oh my… I sure do love my subscribers… they’ve become such great blogging friends! So you’re saying I don’t need a refund?

WP:  SIR, PLEASE STOP IT WITH THE REFUND!

ME: Oh…  I’m terribly sorry… well, okay I guess, I’ll take your advice… you’ve always helped me out before.

WP: That’s my job sir… is there anything else I can help you with?

ME:  No… thank you so much for all your help… I look forward to speaking with you in 2012.  Happy New Year Julie!

WP: Happy New Year to you too Mr…. ummm… Brown Road Chronicles. Good luck in 2012!

Click

30 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the folks at BROWN ROAD CHRONICLES.  I asked my family to get together with me and make a little Christmas carol video. This is what we came up with… yes, there’s a few bloopers included! Please take a few minutes and watch the whole thing. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed filming it… yes, we laughed A LOT!  To all of you subscribers and readers, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your loyal support and more importantly YOUR FRIENDSHIP! It is valued more than you understand.  I hope you have a wonderful and magical day with your family and friends.  Wishing you the Merriest Christmas and a  Joyous, Healthy and Happy New Year!!

Steve

25 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Fine French Cuisine

Those of you who follow me regularly know that I have not yet had the opportunity to be represented on the Freshly Pressed page of WordPress.com.  In my thorough studies of the blog posts that have earned that honor, I have noticed that many are often food related and deliver in-depth instructions and photographs related to food preparation and fine dining in the home. I thought it would be a good idea to write some posts on some of the fine foods that we eat a lot of here at The Brown Road Chronicles.  So, today I’ve chosen four of our most popular meals, all of which have a French influence and all of which can be easily prepared at home with simple ingredients and in relatively short time for those of you who are busy with jobs and children and families.  As with many fine foods from European cultures and especially those from France, they are often difficult to pronounce properly.  Here at The Brown Road Chronicles, however, we encourage you to partake in these recipes with your finest French accent.  We find this increases the pleasure you will experience when you finally get the opportunity to dine.  Enjoy!

1.  Nudlés et Fromage au Robért de Sponge:

An excellent choice for any meal of the day, but we typically prepare this fine meal for lunch and dinner.

Ingredients:
Nudlés au Robért de Sponge
1 Cup Milk
Fromage de Florescent Orange

Preparation Instructions:
In a medium sized pot, boil approximately two cups of water.  Add the Nudlés au Robért de Sponge and boil until tender. Drain the Nudlés au Robért de Sponge.  Add approximately one cup of milk.  Tear open the package of Fromage de Florescent Orange and sprinkle into pot.  Mix thoroughly and enjoy.

Note:  the Nudlés au Robért de Sponge can be replaced with Nudlés de la Elbeaux.

2.  Pinut Butré and Gelée on Wheat Bread

This is a quick meal that can be eaten at any time of the day as a snack or perhaps even as the main course of a bag lunch.

Ingredients:
Two slices Wheat Bread (or bread of your choice)
Pinut Butré
Gelée (Grape or Strawberry)

Preparation Instructions:

Take the two slices of Wheat Bread and set them on a plate or counter top. Using a knife, cover one slice of bread generously with the Pinut Butré. Lick knife. With the same knife, cover the other slice of bread generously with the Gelée. Put the two slices of bread together with the Pinut Butré and the Gelée sides together. Enjoy.

Note: Bread au Wondére makes an excellent bread choice as well

3.  Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére



This meal makes another excellent choice for lunch or dinner.  We don’t often eat this particular meal for breakfast as it has been known to cause slight indigestion.

Ingredients:
One Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére
One Bunné
Mustard, Ketchup, Relish or other preferred condiments

Preparation Instructions:
Insert Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére into Microwave and heat on high for 30 seconds. Do not be concerned if Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére has areas that look burnt and exploded.  It will not affect the flavor. Insert Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére into Bunné. Add condiments as desired. Enjoy.

4.  Flakes au Maize avec Sucre

This is an excellent choice for breakfast, but also makes a great dinnertime meal when in a hurry.  For example, I had Flakes au Maize avec Sucre as my dinner last night as I was rushing to a meeting I had to attend.  Sometimes it can be less filling than desired, so when I returned from my meeting I had a Haute Dauge au Meat de la Mystére.

Ingredients:
Flakes au Maize avec Sucre
Milk

Preparation Instructions:
Pour Flakes au Maize avec Sucre into a large bowl. Add milk. Enjoy.

I hope you enjoy these fine French recipes and I encourage you to try them at home.  We here at The Brown Road Chronicles certainly have gotten plenty of nutritious mileage from them.  I will tell you as well, I thoroughly enjoyed writing about food and plan on sharing some of our other fine recipes in future posts.  So please keep an eye out.

Next up?  Helpére de la Hambergére.  Stay tuned…

34 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Sudden Death Overtime

This post is part of the Write On Project: Topic – Intentions vs. Goals.

Color Guy:  Well, here we go fans… this is it… it’s a nail biter here as we start this sudden death overtime period… still no goals scored in this one.  TEAM WARNER needs to get one here to stay in this series.  But TEAM HINDRANCE is putting on a phenomenal defensive performance… I think this one just may go down to the wire.  Here comes the faceoff… Let’s roll…

Play by Play:  TEAM WARNER wins the faceoff… WARNER’S got the puck and he’s skating down the ice… I think he might just be able to finally get that kid’s book written, he’s been trying to score that goal for several months now… he passes to THELOVINGWIFE… I think he might just be able to break free from his usual obligations… there he goes, he’s open down the side… he’s looking for a scoring opportunity…THELOVINGWIFE passes the puck back… looks like WARNER is going to take the shot… he fires… OH NO… it’s blocked by the defender… Boy, WARNER had good intentions on that one… but he just couldn’t pull it off this time…

Color Guy:  WOW, that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES, he’s been quite a player for TEAM HINDRANCE… always finding a way to get in front of those shots on goal… he’s like a brick wall, just standing right there in the way… amazing defender that TOOMANYKIDSACTIVITIES…

Play by Play:  Yes, he is quite a player.  Back on the move…  TEAM HINDRANCE comes down the ice…

Color Guy:  Their passing game is something else tonight.  Amazing how they can keep the puck away from TEAM WARNER’S defense…

Play by Play:  WAIT… don’t speak too soon… WARNER steals the puck again, he’s moving down the right side… he’s got a wide open shot… I think he might just be able to find that new career… he’s been after that goal for some time now… looks like the timing might be just right this time… he shoots…. OHHH… MYYY… GOODNESS… right into the goalie’s glove, another great shot on goal… stopped right in its tracks… great intentions once again…

Color Guy:  Yeah, that was a great shot but holy smokes, what a save by CANTFINDANEWJOB… he definitely keeps TEAM HINDRANCE in these games… it’s amazing how fast his reflexes are… time after time, he can just jump right in and block those opportunities… he’s something else.

Play by Play:  Yes, he sure is a solid player…  here we go… CANTFINDANEWJOB fires the puck back out… TEAM HINDRANCE is on the move again… here they come down the ice…

Color Guy:  TEAM HINDRANCE looks good tonight… especially their defense… they’ve got TEAM WARNER back on their heels.

Play by Play:  Yes they do… and they’re moving the puck well… looks like they might have an open shot… look at that!!  Amazing… WARNER steals the puck again… he’s skating up the ice… wide open, he’s got plenty of space and lots of free time… it’s all in his hands… I think he might be able to finally get those house renovations finished… wait, he passes off to GETMOTIVATED… OHHH…NOOOO… GETMOTIVATED misses the pass…

Color Guy:  Unbelievable… that GETMOTIVATED… he just can’t seem to get it done like he used to…

Play by Play:  The puck’s off the wall… look at that… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH… he’s got control of the puck for TEAM WARNER… he might just save this play… GETYOURASSOFFTHECOUCH fires it back to WARNER who’s wide open just outside the crease… he’s wide open… there’s the puck… it’s on his stick… WARNER’S gonna fire off a shot on goal… I think he’s got good intentions on this one… he shoots!  Whoa!  Did you see that?  Did you see that play by TOOFUCKINGLAZY… completely out of nowhere… out of nowhere, he just deflected that shot… where did he come from?

Color Guy:  Yeah, I did see that… unreal… it was like he wasn’t even there… then suddenly he was there… that’s how TOOFUCKINGLAZY works though… he just shows up out of nowhere… an incredible player that TOOFUCKINGLAZY!

Play by Play: This one is definitely coming down to the wire… time is quickly running out for TEAM WARNER…  here comes TEAM HINDRANCE down the ice for one last opportunity… WOW, look at that… an amazing defensive play by THELOVINGWIFE… TEAM WARNER has regained control of the puck. .. THELOVINGWIFE passes off to WARNER… they’re both on the move… this is it… they look strong… do you think they’ll finally be able to get the house cleaned up in these last few seconds of play?

Color Guy:  I don’t know… YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY has played one heck of a defensive game… and it looks like he’s, once again, in prime position to break up this play…

Play by Play:  I don’t know… TEAM WARNER is looking good… WARNER passes back to THELOVINGWIFE… she blows right past YOURHOUSEISAPIGSTY… she’s got an open shot… she pulls her stick back… shoots… Unbelievable!  What a play by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… he just stopped that shot before it could even get started…

Color Guy:  Yes, that was some stop by THESEKIDSAREFREAKINGSLOBS… it’s stunning how he can derail even the most beautifully executed play… what a defensive performer… Amazing!

Play by Play:  Well, looks like time’s about to wrap up on this one… TEAM WARNER has missed another prime opportunity to score some goals on TEAM HINDRANCE… I don’t know… these TEAM WARNER players… they’ve got great intentions, they just can’t seem to get those goals in the net…

Color Guy:  You’re right… you know…maybe they need to look at the free agency market to see if there’s any top players they could acquire… I think I heard JUSTKEEPDRINKING is available…

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Missing Person

This is part of the phone calls to Julie series.

Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME:  Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.

Click

Ring, ring

WP:  Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi, I just called a second ago, I think we got disconnected.

WP: Okay sir, how can I help you today?

ME:  I’ve spoken to you before. I called you about my BOOBS… do you remember? You were very helpful the last time I called.

WP: Yes, you sound familiar… how may I help you today?

ME:  Hey, have you read my blog, Brown Road Chronicles, yet?  It’s very funny.

WP:  Sir, no I still have not read your blog… in fact, chances are I will never read your blog… as I told you last time, WordPress has over 300,000 blogs and I can’t read them all.  We are very busy today, is there something I can help you with?

ME:  Hmmm… that’s too bad, it’s very funny.  I think you’d like it.  Have you ever read the Mindslam?

WP:  SIR, NO, I HAVE NOT READ THE MINDSLAM! NOW IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?

ME:  Oh… I’m sorry.  I know you are very busy, thank you for taking my call. I’m very concerned, My Naked Bokkie is missing.

WP:  Sir, please stop that… I don’t know what you’re talking about… you say something is missing?

ME:  No, no, not some-THING… some-ONE is missing.  I’d like to file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Sir, if you think someone is missing, you shouldn’t be speaking to me, you should be contacting your local police department.

ME:  Yes, yes… I know…  I did call the police, but they weren’t very helpful and they suggested that I call you.  In fact they were very mean and disrespectful… then they abruptly hung up on me… they aren’t nearly as friendly as you are Julie.  I tried to contact Edmonton Tourist also?

WP:  Uhhh… Edmonton Tourist… is that like a magazine or something?

ME:  No, that’s a person… a friend of mine.

WP:  Oh… well sir, thank you for your kind remarks, but I don’t think I can help you either. This is just a technical support line.

ME:  But you were so helpful last time… I thought maybe… you know… you could help me file a missing person’s report.

WP:  Okay, sir… look, I’ll play along.  Who is missing?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Uhhh… Excuse me?

ME:  My Naked Bokkie.

WP:  Your naked what?  I’m sorry sir… I don’t understand what you are saying.

ME: Myyyyy Naaaaaakedddd Baaaaakkeeee.

WP: Okay, I got it… please, you don’t have to be condescending to me.

ME: Oh my, I am terribly sorry, I just thought, you know, if I spoke slower…

WP: Okay, so this person… what did you say… your Naked Bokkie… is missing?

ME: No, not YOUR Naked Bokkie… MY Naked Bokkie.

WP: That’s what I said, your Naked Bokkie… okay, okay… mine, yours, whatever… why do you think this person is missing?

ME: Well because she writes a blog called Husbands for Hire and it hasn’t been updated for several weeks.

WP: Aaaah… so this is a blogger you are referring to?

ME: Yes, yes… a blogger…

WP: Sir, this blogger is probably just busy with work and other stuff.  Sometimes people have to take a little break from their blogs to catch up on other things.

ME:  Oh my… they do?

WP: Yes, most bloggers do… don’t you ever take a break from your blogging?

ME: Oh no… last time we spoke you told me I had Obsessive Blogging Disorder and that I should keep blogging as often as possible.  Plus my blog has become very popular… almost as popular as The Big Sheep Blog…you really should take some time to read it… it’s…

WP: PLEASE SIR, we’ve already discussed this!  Yes, you are correct, I did tell you to keep blogging.  But it’s okay to take a break every once in a while.  That’s probably what your friend is doing.  I don’t think there is anything to be concerned about.

ME: Oh… okay… you know what… Walks with Stress was missing for awhile too… and she just came back recently and told us she was busy writing a book.  So you think everything is okay?

WP:  Walks with who…. oh forget it… yes, I think everything is probably okay.

ME: Are you sure?

WP: Yes… I’m sure… is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME:  Do you ever read P.O.R.N.?

Click

To all my readers, I tried to link to as many of you as possible ’cause you all rock, but had to limit the linkages to a few folks who were my first contacts when I joined WordPress… except Emily, of course, but I just had to fit the word PORN in this post!  I guess this is my crazy way of saying thanks for everybody’s support!  To any new readers, please check out my blogroll, there’s lots of great stuff there!  Happy reading!

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized