Tag Archives: rhymes

In a Pickle

Have you ever tried to grab,
A pickle from a jar?
Its swimming in the juice.
Down very, very far.

First you try your hands.
Five finger grabbers each.
Your hand goes in the jar.
But that pickle’s out of reach!

The pickle glares back at you.
On it’s face, a smirk!
You come to the conclusion.
Your hands aren’t going to work.

You go into the drawer.
That holds the silverware.
You glance back towards the jar.
And see that pickle glare.

You grab yourself a fork.
The longest you can find.
You have a plan in place.
You’ll sneak up from behind.

You reach into the jar.
That pickle’s oh so near.
You jab down with that fork.
As if you had a spear.

But that pickle has a plan.
It gives your fork the slip.
It dodges and it weaves.
You try to keep your grip.

You jab down with that fork again.
You’ve got something to prove.
You just can’t seem to catch it.
That pickle’s on the move!

Then finally you connect.
You spear it with the tines.
You start to lift that pickle,
From deep in its confines.

But when you’re just about to,
Get that pickle from the jar.
Something awful happens
Something so bizarre!

Your progress gets impeded.
A challenging impasse.
That pickle is too long.
It catches on the glass!

It falls off of the fork.
And dives back towards the juice.
Once again that pickle,
Is free and on the loose.

You hear that pickle laugh.
It’s averted your attack.
You close the pickle jar.
And decide to put it back.

You know you’ve been defeated.
You gave it your best shot.
Instead you eat an Apple.
‘Cause they don’t fight a lot!

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How are Ducks like Salespeople?

How are Ducks like Salespeople?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re driving a car.

How are Ducks like Lawyers?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re taking the Bar.

How are Ducks like Policemen?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re using radar.

How are Ducks like Tourists?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re traveling far.

How are Ducks like Golfers?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re scoring a par.

How are Ducks like Road Workers?
I really don’t think they are.
They don’t have much in common.
Except when they’re leveling tar.

Lest you think I am drunk, the title of this post was a search term today. Apparently my site will now attract people interested in ducks… and salespeople… and duck salespeople… and salesducks. I wondered if the searcher was a salesperson who was acting like a duck or a duck acting like a salesperson. Maybe its a salesperson trying to get his ducks in a row. Maybe he or she should listen to my song. Maybe I am over thinking this.

So, how are ducks like salespeople? Please give me your detailed analysis. Careful now, I am a salesperson, so be nice. Or better yet, how are ducks like whatever you do for a living? Or better yet, how is any animal like what you do for a living? That could make for some great discussion.

Leave me a comment. Or don’t. This isn’t Rocket Science going on in this post. Or leave me a comment on how Ducks are like Rocket Scientists. Or how ducks are like Brain Surgeons.

Or go jump in a lake… whatever…

Quack, quack!

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If I were a Mom…

mom

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Changing my diapers
And cleaning up poo

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Making me laugh
Like a wild Kangaroo

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Cooling my forehead
When I have the flu

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Hanging up all of
The drawings I drew

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Constantly buying
New clothes as I grew

If I were a mom
I’d be just like you
Teaching me all of the
Things that you knew

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Picking me up when my
plans would fall through

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Smiling so bright
When I said that “I do”

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Coming to visit when
My first child was due

If I were a Mom
I’d be just like you
Even though early
You bid us adieu

But instead I’m a Dad
and I know through and through
I’m doing these things
For my own children too

I learned from the best
There’s nothing more true
Wherever you are
I will always love you!

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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If you had to choose a tool to use…

When working ’round your house, there’s lot of TOOLS you’ll need to use.
Let’s look at some so when it’s time, you’ll know which one to choose.

If you had to choose a tool to use to pound a shiny NAIL,
A HAMMER with a big strong head will help you to prevail!

If you had to choose a tool to use to drive a THREADED SCREW,
A SCREWDRIVER with long steel shaft would do that job for you!

If you had to choose a tool to use to tighten down a NUT,
A WRENCH with jaws that you adjust would surely make the cut!

If you had to choose a tool to use to cut a BOARD in two,
A SAW with sharp and shiny teeth would cut that board right through!

If you had to choose a tool to use to make a hole in WOOD,
A POWER DRILL with a sharpened BIT is a choice that would be good!

If you had to choose a tool to use to pull some rusty NAILS,
A HAMMER with large CLAWS that grab is all that job entails!

If you had to choose a tool to use to dig yourself a HOLE,
A SHOVEL with a nice sharp blade would help you reach that goal!

If you had to choose a tool to use to grab on something tight,
A PAIR OF PLIERS with jaws that grip would complete that job just right!

If you had to choose a tool to use to hold two BOARDS you’ve glued,
A CLAMP that you can tighten down is a choice that would be shrewd!

If you had to choose a tool to use to make sure things are STRAIGHT,
A LEVEL with an air bubble is a tool that would be great!

If you had to choose a tool to use to cover walls with PAINT,
A PAINT BRUSH is the proper tool with which you should acquaint!

And when you’re done you’ll need a spot to put your tools away.
A TOOLBOX is the place to keep them for another day!

And if you want to read about what can happen when pulling rusty nails, read this! 🙂

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Mr. Smither was in a dither…

Mr. Smither was in a dither while fixing his old house one day.
Kneeling on the floor, his knees were sore, a rusty nail was in his way.
His floor was squeaky, sometimes creaky, a shiny nail would do the trick.
But first he must, remove that rusty nail, a task that should be quick.

He tried and tried, he pulled and pried, his hammer wouldn’t win this fight.
The more he pulled, that nail would hold, onto that board with all its might.
His arms soon ached, he took a break, and came up with different angle.
A crowbar would, release for good, this nail with which he’d been entangled.

He hooked the claw, he clenched his jaw, he mustered up his strength and brawn.
He cranked with force, so much of course, he knew that nail would soon be gone.
Then what transpired, that nail it fired, like a bullet through the air.
Across the room, with a sonic boom, it bounced off the old-rocking chair.

In that chair, was often where, his Cat named Fred would take his naps.
Fred slept this day, snoozing away, dreaming of catching mice perhaps.
Unaware, of the oncoming scare, that would quickly give him quite a fear.
Poor Fred he leapt, from where he slept, straight up into the chandelier.

Mr. Smither, still in a dither, ran to see what he’d begat.
He was shocked, the chair it rocked, but in the seat there was no cat!
Then he heard a cry, from toward the sky, he looked to see poor Fred in fright.
The lamp was swinging, Fred was clinging, his big wide eyes were quite a site.

He grabbed his ladder, to fix this matter, and climbed up to the precipice.
He reached for Fred, who filled with dread and soon began to growl and hiss.
Then Fred decided, somewhat misguided, that he would rather try to jump.
‘Cause cats survive, they have nine lives, Fred nailed the landing with a thump.

With this commotion, in slow motion, Mr. Smither high upon that ladder.
First he twisted, then he listed, then he fell with quite a clatter.
Lo and behold, it knocked him cold, he lay there in a foggy trance.
Mrs. Smither, now in a dither, she quickly called an ambulance.

The Doctor said, “well, he’s not dead, just some bruises where he hit.”
“But I’d suggest, it would be best, to stay off ladders for a bit.”
The moral here, it is quite clear, if your floor might have a squeaky board.
Just let it squeak and let it creak, lest you end up in a hospital ward!

Listen to the Audio Version

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