Tag Archives: humor

April 12, 2013 · 9:48 pm

Ten Sensitive Ways to Break-Up with Another Blogger

An unfortunate dynamic of blogging is that sometimes we have to break-up with another blogger with whom we have developed a blogging relationship. I’ve broken up with several bloggers in the last few years and many more have broken up with me. The usual technique that bloggers employ is the Vanish Method – just stop reading, stop leaving comments on posts and stop clicking the “like” button. In extreme cases, the blogger might even spend three to four hours digging through their WordPress Dashboard trying to actually figure out how to un-follow a blogger that they are no longer interested in following. But this method is very boorish and inconsiderate and leaves the “victim” of the break-up sadly wondering where their friend has gone and if it was something that they wrote that might have caused this animosity in the relationship.

So, with that in mind, here’s ten sensitive break-up lines you can use to end your relationship with another fellow blogger without leaving him or her hanging in limbo…

10. Sorry… but the excessively large number of subscribers you have is making me feel inadequate.

9. Sorry… it’s really been so great getting to know you and learning about your failed relationships but I think I want to focus on some other blogs for a while.

8. Sorry… but the frequency of your writing is making me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I really love that I’m getting three to four posts a day from you but I just can’t keep up with that.

7. Sorry… I still love your blog. I really do! It’s really great, even the soy and tofu recipes and the posts about your kid’s poopy pants. I just really need some time to focus on my own writing right now.

6. Sorry… I guess I just moved too fast when I followed you when you were Freshly Pressed. At the time I knew it would be the start of a wonderful blog relationship. But then you didn’t follow me back and I really don’t feel like this is a two-way relationship.

5. Sorry… but your posts just aren’t keeping me satisfied. It’s not that they’re too short or even too long. They’re really the perfect length. I just find myself fantasizing about other blogger’s posts while I’m reading your posts.

4. Sorry… really, it’s not your blog’s fault, it’s my “WordPress Reader’s” fault. It’s very full and it just needs some personal space.

3. Sorry… but I think you love my blog more than I love your blog and I don’t want to hurt you by not leaving comments on your posts.

2. Sorry… I think we’d be better off just being Facebook friends.

1. Sorry… I “like” your posts… I just don’t “like like” your posts.

65 Comments

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Tagged as blog followers, blogging, breaking up, followers, following, funny, humor, relationships, subscribers, writing

April 11, 2013 · 10:03 pm

Things on me are changing…

Things on me are changing
My parts are rearranging
These changes are incessant
I guess I’m acquiescent

My belly, it is growing
I’m not sure where it’s going
My belt size not withstanding
It seems to be expanding

My skin is getting wrinkly
Rugged, jagged, crinkly
More age spots are appearing
I don’t find them endearing

My ears are getting hairy
It’s really kind of scary
I trim them with a shearer
While looking in the mirror

My hair is getting grayer
I won’t be a naysayer
They say it adds some mettle
With that I’ll have to settle

My nails are growing thicker
Perhaps it’s all the liquor
I trim them very often
They just don’t seem to soften

My joints are getting tender
My back, the worst offender
My knees, sometimes a bother
I get that from my father

My sight is getting hazy
My eyes are getting lazy
I’m not in any hurry
For my vision to be blurry

But though there’s changes changing
And parts are rearranging
I don’t think I’m declining
It’s more like I’m refining!

22 Comments

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Tagged as aging, blogging, humor, old age, poems, poetry, wrinkles, writing

March 1, 2013 · 12:54 pm

The Freshly Pressed Experience

When my post Old Barn Coat was featured on Freshly Pressed a few weeks ago, I had a couple of loyal readers ask me to comment on the experience. I wasn’t sure I wanted to write a post like this because in reality we can all look at the blogs that appear on the WordPress front page and easily see how much traffic these posts receive, even if only temporarily.

But, as I know a lot of people write a post-FP’d post, at least after the first time it happens, I thought I should fulfill my obligation as well. Because it really was a fun roller coaster ride of blogging activity that I wish could happen to everybody at least once! So here’s my very thorough analysis, based on my personal experience, broken down into categories and with graphical images to assist in documenting this event as simply and clearly as possible.

Statistical Bar Graph:

During a Freshly Pressed event:

For about a week your statistical bar graph will look very similar to a pre-9/11 Manhattan with a very large spike in the early days.

After a Freshly Pressed event:

Your statistical bar graph will once again begin to look like the streetscape of Cripple Creek, CO, trending dramatically downhill.

Hits:

During a Freshly Pressed event:

Your site will be breaking hit records like the great Pete Rose, who still holds the all-time Major League Baseball record for most hits in a career. Just don’t place any bets on who will be Freshly Pressed next or you might be banned from ever blogging again.

After a Freshly Pressed event:

Your daily hits will eventually drop back down to normal levels, somewhere in the statistical neighborhood of Bill Bergen, who during a 10 year Major League Baseball career, compiled a .170 batting average and is often considered the worst hitter in Major League baseball history among position players (non-pitchers).

Subscriptions:

During a Freshly Pressed event:

Your subscriptions and stature will grow to levels comparable to the world renowned newspaper, The Wall Street Journal.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration.

Perhaps more like the Weekly World News. That’s probably closer to the writing skills and stature most of us possess anyhow.

After a Freshly Pressed event:

Alright… look… let’s be frank…

You’ll still only have about as many readers as this local newspaper whose lead stories on Wednesday, January 2^nd, 2013 had something to do with a grain elevator and a cat.