April 12, 2013 · 9:48 pm
An unfortunate dynamic of blogging is that sometimes we have to break-up with another blogger with whom we have developed a blogging relationship. I’ve broken up with several bloggers in the last few years and many more have broken up with me. The usual technique that bloggers employ is the Vanish Method – just stop reading, stop leaving comments on posts and stop clicking the “like” button. In extreme cases, the blogger might even spend three to four hours digging through their WordPress Dashboard trying to actually figure out how to un-follow a blogger that they are no longer interested in following. But this method is very boorish and inconsiderate and leaves the “victim” of the break-up sadly wondering where their friend has gone and if it was something that they wrote that might have caused this animosity in the relationship.
So, with that in mind, here’s ten sensitive break-up lines you can use to end your relationship with another fellow blogger without leaving him or her hanging in limbo…
10. Sorry… but the excessively large number of subscribers you have is making me feel inadequate.
9. Sorry… it’s really been so great getting to know you and learning about your failed relationships but I think I want to focus on some other blogs for a while.
8. Sorry… but the frequency of your writing is making me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I really love that I’m getting three to four posts a day from you but I just can’t keep up with that.
7. Sorry… I still love your blog. I really do! It’s really great, even the soy and tofu recipes and the posts about your kid’s poopy pants. I just really need some time to focus on my own writing right now.
6. Sorry… I guess I just moved too fast when I followed you when you were Freshly Pressed. At the time I knew it would be the start of a wonderful blog relationship. But then you didn’t follow me back and I really don’t feel like this is a two-way relationship.
5. Sorry… but your posts just aren’t keeping me satisfied. It’s not that they’re too short or even too long. They’re really the perfect length. I just find myself fantasizing about other blogger’s posts while I’m reading your posts.
4. Sorry… really, it’s not your blog’s fault, it’s my “WordPress Reader’s” fault. It’s very full and it just needs some personal space.
3. Sorry… but I think you love my blog more than I love your blog and I don’t want to hurt you by not leaving comments on your posts.
2. Sorry… I think we’d be better off just being Facebook friends.
1. Sorry… I “like” your posts… I just don’t “like like” your posts.
October 8, 2011 · 4:14 pm
Dear New York Yankees,
I am so sorry to have to tell you this in a letter but I just thought it was the best way and at least I didn’t text you. We’ve had so many special times together since we met in 1977 and I really do still love you. I’ll never forget all the beers we shared and the bags of potato chips and hot dogs and all the other great times. I loved you so much over the years, especially when you had Don Mattingly, those were great times and I’ll always cherish them. In fact, I’ll be honest, because I know you always say how honesty is so important in a relationship, and tell you I’ll always love you, but right now I just don’t feel “in love” with you. Does that make sense? My emotions right now are so crazy I just don’t understand what is going on. Anyway, I think it might be best if we take a little break from each other. SORRY! I’m SO, SO sorry and I know that you’ll be hurt and maybe all we need is some time off, maybe I just need some time off. This isn’t really about you, it’s really about me, please don’t be mad. I know you are going to be mad. God I hate doing this to you, but I just feel it’s not working out like we thought it would, especially this whole long distance relationship. It was so much easier when we lived closed to each other. But since I moved away, you know I almost never get to see you and I’m just not sure we can make this work any longer. Maybe I just need a little space and some time to work out all of my feelings. Do you understand where I am coming from? I know this is probably coming as a big shock to you and I feel terrible about this and I just hope that you understand what I’m going through right now. I have a lot going on in my life right now and my emotions are all over the place. I know you probably think it’s just hormones or something, but it’s not and I’m just asking you to give me a little time to get my feelings in order.
You know I also think it might be a good idea if I were to see some other teams for a little while, you know, while we work through these issues. Like maybe some local teams. Like maybe the Detroit Tigers. Just for a little while, you know, like maybe just through the rest of the playoffs, and then we can see how it goes once we’ve both had a little space and some time away from each other. I know how you must be feeling reading this and I feel so horrible about it, but again, please understand that this isn’t about you at all, it’s just about me. I just need some time to figure things out. Does that make sense? Well actually it is a little bit about you. I have to admit, you really left me totally unsatisfied last week during the American League Division Series. I know what you’re thinking, that you had the best record in baseball this year and that is really great and I’m so proud of you and I love you for that, but you have to admit you’ve kind of let yourself go. You’re just not really as sexy as you used to be. I know you have Derek Jeter but he’s getting kind of old now and those other guys like Nick Swisher and Alex Rodriquez just aren’t getting me fired up. And that payroll of yours, well yeah it does kind of make you look fat. I’m sorry to say those things but I think it’s important to air it all out, you know? Do you understand where I’m coming from? I hope you understand. The Tigers on the other hand, they have Justin Verlander. Anyway, I’m SO SORRY to do this in a letter and I’d prefer if you didn’t try to call or e-mail me or anything like that. I’ll let you know when I figure everything out. Is that okay? I hope you aren’t too mad. SORRY! 😦