Tag Archives: love

February 13, 2015 · 3:54 pm

A Valentine’s Day Song

So I’ve been working on a song for Valentine’s Day. This is a pretty big Valentine’s Day this year. It doesn’t often fall on a Saturday, plus with the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon going on should be lots of fun for couples.

It’s called “On Valentine’s Day You Don’t Get No Say”.

I think it’s pretty good, kind of a love song, country western kind of tune, you know, from the guy’s perspective. This is just a draft. Let me know what you think!

I have to give some credit to Ross Murray at Drinking Tips for Teens for a little inspiration on this whole topic with his recent, very funny post about Valentine’s Day and Fifty Shades.

You can and should go read it here!

And if you liked this post, or even if you didn’t like this post, you might really like this Valentine’s post from a couple years ago: A Conversation Heart Conversation

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Tagged as country western, fifty shades, humor, love, love songs, songs, valentine's day, writing

January 13, 2015 · 8:47 pm

Psssst… George, you’re killing us over here.

George, c’mon, seriously?!? You just said all that gushy, romantic shit on TV? At an awards ceremony no less? Dude, what the fuck, did you not read the handbook they gave you when you got married? C’mon, it’s the handbook… THE HANDBOOK… and you were supposed to read it! But obviously you didn’t. Or maybe you just skimmed through it like some kind of savant and thought “whatevs, I got this, I’m George Fucking Clooney.” But you should have read it… especially the part about not showing up all your fellow men in front of other women… especially millions of other women!

The morning after the Golden Globes my family and I were sitting around with the TV on and all the stations were recapping the highlights of the previous evening’s festivities. I didn’t watch the awards, it doesn’t really interest me. Maybe the rest of the family watched some of it, I don’t really know. But the highlight among highlights was apparently when George Clooney got up on stage to accept a Lifetime Achievement Award and after thanking a bunch of people he (more or less) said this:

“So congratulations to all of you for having a very good year. I’ve had a pretty good year myself. Listen, it’s a humbling thing when you find someone to love. Even better if you’ve been waiting your whole life and when your whole life is 53 years. Amal, whatever alchemy it is that brought us together I couldn’t be more proud to be your husband.”

Upon seeing a short recap of this part of the speech that morning, my 14 year old son turned to me and jokingly asked “Dad, how come you never do that for Mom?”

I smiled and listened closely for the inevitable chortle from my wife.

“Do what?” I answered.

“Give a romantic speech like that” he said, egging me on.

I thought for a minute and then replied with the best I could come up with. “Well, I guess because no one has ever thought I deserved to receive a really prestigious award like that.”

“That’s because you don’t” chimed in my 17 year old daughter with a smart-ass smirk on her face.

Wow, tough crowd!

Look, I can dress up nice and “product” up my hair and stand around and look handsome with the best of them. But I’ll admit, I’ve never been that great in the “romance department”. Apparently a lot of guys aren’t if you take a long stroll through the ROMANCE section at the local Barnes and Noble.

But what really is romance? Is it what you see on the screen at a movie theatre? Is it what you read in a $6.99 paperback you found in the book section of a Wal-Mart? Is it pouring your heart out at a gala event of overpriced celebrities while our materialistic, gossip driven world watches in awe?

Perhaps on rare occasion it’s those things.

Or is it climbing onto the whirling carnival ride of life with someone you love and frantically pulling down the security bar… a ride that starts slow but before you know it is moving and spinning and you’re hanging on for dear life through weeks and months and years of changing shitty diapers, not sleeping, driving to a million of your kid’s sporting events, lifting them up when they’re down and guiding them to places you’d always felt you should have gone, celebrating victories and mourning losses, working endless hours to pay endless bills, watching family and friends battle illness and tragedies and everything else the world wants to fast-pitch, 90 miles per hour at you on a daily basis… only to be the happiest two people on earth when you’re given ten minutes at the end of the day to share a glass of wine and talk about anything other than the carnival ride that’s just stopped for a short moment to let a few people off and welcome a few new people on.

“Three tickets please.”

No author or screen-writer is making a living off of that story. Maybe no one is even writing that story. But maybe that’s what romance really is.

Had I actually been watching the Golden Globes, when those words poured out of Clooney’s mouth like an oversize serving of mushy cream-of-wheat being scooped from a cast iron cauldron into a cereal bowl, I imagine I would have heard the collective swooning sighs of millions of breathless women and the sounds of flapping pages as all of the Nicholas Sparks books sitting on shelves lifted off in unison and began flying around houses like doves at a royal wedding.

That’s a tough act to follow.

But it’s fiction. He’s a celebrity. He’s not real life.

I have nothing against George Clooney. I like him as an actor. He’s probably a great guy and he gave a speech that evening that was honest and moving and inspirational. He’s certainly one of the most handsome celebrities around right now. MAN is he fucking handsome! He seems compassionate and whether you agree with his politics or not, he actively uses his fame and wealth in many philanthropic ways and I respect that.

He and his new wife have probably just climbed onto their own version of the whirling carnival ride.

The toothless “carnie” is standing in the control booth with a pocket full of tickets, ready to push the start button.

George, you need to read the damn handbook…

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Tagged as george clooney, golden globes, humor, kids, life, love, marriage, parenting, romance, writing

June 15, 2013 · 11:16 pm

The Dad Store

A little boy named Jonny, got tired of his Dad.
He went into the Dad Store, to see what else they had.
The choices were so many, of every shape and size.
All with different skill sets, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

He stood there in the Dad Store, feeling sort of lost.
He didn’t know quite where to start or what a Dad might cost.
His confidence was waning, he turned back towards the door.
But in his way, a salesperson said “welcome to our store!”

“I’ll help you find a Dad today, let me show you ‘round.”
“‘Cause when it comes to Dad Stores, we are world-renowned.”
“I’m only here to help you, I don’t work on commission.”
“I’ll help you find a Dad today, just give me your permission.”

Jonny said “I guess so, please show me what you’ve got.”
“I didn’t bring much money, I just can’t spend a lot.”
The salesman looked at Jonny, a big smile on his face.
“We’ll work within your budget, you’ve come to the right place!”

“Let’s start here with the athletes, the ones who teach you sports.”
“The ones who’ll have you spend your days on fields and rinks and courts.”
“They’ll teach you lots of lessons, to take one on the chin.”
“And why it so important, to always try to win!”

“Over here’s the wealthy Dads, the ones with tons of money.”
“They’re always at their offices, on rainy days or sunny.”
“They’re mostly not around much, not when you want to play.”
“They’ll buy you lots of stuff though, new gifts for every day.”

“This aisle is the Brainy Dads, the ones who’ll be your buddy.”
“When hanging out means books and such and lots of time to study.”
“Report cards with a load of A’s, your only affirmation.”
“They’ll push you to a 4.0, a Harvard education!”

But Jonny didn’t want these Dads, with all their quirky rules.
He didn’t want that pressure, of money, sports, or schools.
“I only want a Dad” he said, “who’ll love me every day.”
“Regardless of the grades I get or all the sports I play.”

“I want a Dad who’ll hug me, when I’m feeling down.”
“I want a Dad who’ll make me laugh by acting like a clown.”
“Who’ll teach me to be brave enough to try things on my own.”
“Who’ll be the closest friend I have, when I feel alone.”

The salesman looked at Jonny, digesting what he’d heard.
He paused for just a moment, before he said a word.
“I’m sure that we can find a Dad, the one you just prescribed!”
“With all those special qualities, the ones you just described!”

Then Jonny said “I’m sorry but I think I know who’s best.”
“I think I know a Dad who’s so much different from the rest.”
“That’s the Dad I have at home, who’ll stand so far above.”
“That’s the Dad, no matter what, the one I’ll always love!”

Happy Father’s Day to ALL the amazing Dads out there! Whether we realize it or not, we provide an integral part of the package that helps our kids grow into caring and responsible adults. Thank you for being a loving, involved father to your kids, you ARE making the world a better place!