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Five Reasons I Dislike Leap Days

If perhaps you haven’t already heard, via the twenty-four hour news coverage, today is a Leap Day.

Here’s five reasons I dislike Leap Days.

5.  A Leap Day screws up a perfectly good month with the perfect amount of days.  Seven days in a week + four weeks in a month = twenty-eight days.  See how precise and uncomplicated that is? And I don’t even have OCD.  I think all the months should have twenty-eight days, then the seasons wouldn’t always be in the same months.  And I don’t even have OCD. Some years Christmas would be cold and snowy, other years you could hang out on the beach in a speedo sipping a strawberry daiquiri.  Not that I wear speedos and drink strawberry daiquiris, but, you know, other people might. Each month would start on a Sunday and end on a Saturday. And I don’t even have OCD. Plus, then us people who don’t have OCD wouldn’t have to sing that stupid “30 days hath September” song just to remember whether we’re in a new month or not.

4. There’s a lot of talk about frogs on a Leap Day and I don’t particularly like frogs.  Well, except for Kermit, he was pretty cool the way he could belt out a tune as smooth as silk and make the ladies swoon… and Frog from the “Frog and Toad” books. I loved those books and Frog was always so organized and calm and collected and proper. Toad on the other  hand, a goddamn train wreck, always losing stuff and forgetting things… and I can’t forget Judy the Frog from H.R. Pufnstuf, sure she was a secondary character, but she was always so happy and dancing around and making little kids smile… oh yeah, and the frog in the Frogger video game, that dude was the bomb, running all around the video screen in the eighties arcades… and Michigan J. Frog with his tuxedo and great top-hat, dancing and singing like Frank Sinatra… oh, and how about Keroppi the Frog, from the Hello Kitty series, he was so damn cute… and I can’t leave out Froggy the Gremlin from the Buster Brown show, sure a little creepy, but another smashingly well dressed frog… yeah, but for the most part I really don’t like frogs.

3. Apparently Leap Day is a day when it is considered acceptable for women to romantically pursue men. Now believe me, I think that’s great, a day set aside just for women to romantically pursue men. In fact, I think women should have the right to romantically pursue men any day of the year, Leap Year or not.  But a lot of women choose to wait for a Leap Day, so I have to spend the entire day gently turning down the legions of women that think its acceptable to be romantically pursuing me.

2. Leap Day is just another one of the many holiday’s during the year that I have to remember to shower my wife with love and flowers and gifts and jewelry and candles and wine and chocolates… and frankly, it’s hard to remember all of those days.  Wait… what… other women aren’t getting showered with love and flowers and gifts and jewelry and candles and wine and chocolates on Leap Day?  Oh… ummm…  well, sorry I brought that up.

and the number one reason I dislike Leap Days…

1. It’s just one more day in the year that I have to be sorely disappointed that I haven’t become famous yet.

 

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My New Years Resolution: To become a Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star Amish Furniture Maker

I can’t quite figure out if I like New Years Eve.  Yeah, the parties are usually fun and festive, hanging out with friends, having a few drinks and overeating.  I actually think watching the Times Square ball drop is fun too.  Maybe that’s from my years as a resident of the great state of Long Island… (uh, I mean New York, yeah I know there’s more to NY than just Long Island and NYC… WHATEVER!!)  I have never actually gone to Times Square on a New Years Eve though.  Over a million people packed in there… YIKES… that’s way too big a crowd!

Most people tend to look at the end of the year by focusing on NEXT year.  Ahhh, the new years resolution!  What can I do next year that I fabulously failed at accomplishing this year.  Exercise more, eat less, work more, work less, spend more time doing <insert holistic, mind-fulfilling, life-altering activity here>, spend less time doing <insert sinful, destructive, life-shortening activity here>.

I’ve never made a New Years Resolution (maybe I should start).  What I tend to focus on at the end of each year, especially as I get older is all of the unrealistic accomplishments that I have fabulously not yet accomplished in life.  Can you say “mid-life crisis!”  As I look back, I think;  I haven’t become a famous <insert spectacularly-awesome skill here> yet; I haven’t figured out a way to have enough money to not have to work anymore;  I haven’t figured out how to make a killer living as an Amish furniture maker;  I haven’t figured out how to become a “homesteader” yet still be able to pay my mortgage, keep my blackberry, drive my truck and save for my kids college education;  I haven’t been able to peel away the last layer of abdominal fat and see the six pack of abs I had as a college student; I haven’t come up with the Harry Potteresque storyline to write a series of best selling novels; I haven’t yet found the “idyllic life”  (https://brownroadchronicles.wordpress.com/2010/12/05/looking-for-the-idyllic-life/!

I can hear you saying, “Boy, Steve, those are pretty lofty goals for a New Years Resolution.”  Yes, yes  they are.  But you know what, this is the year… this is the year I will become a Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star Amish Furniture Maker.

I think my odds are pretty good, you know… if I can just put my mind to it!

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