Tag Archives: frogs

Five Reasons I Dislike Leap Days

If perhaps you haven’t already heard, via the twenty-four hour news coverage, today is a Leap Day.

Here’s five reasons I dislike Leap Days.

5.  A Leap Day screws up a perfectly good month with the perfect amount of days.  Seven days in a week + four weeks in a month = twenty-eight days.  See how precise and uncomplicated that is? And I don’t even have OCD.  I think all the months should have twenty-eight days, then the seasons wouldn’t always be in the same months.  And I don’t even have OCD. Some years Christmas would be cold and snowy, other years you could hang out on the beach in a speedo sipping a strawberry daiquiri.  Not that I wear speedos and drink strawberry daiquiris, but, you know, other people might. Each month would start on a Sunday and end on a Saturday. And I don’t even have OCD. Plus, then us people who don’t have OCD wouldn’t have to sing that stupid “30 days hath September” song just to remember whether we’re in a new month or not.

4. There’s a lot of talk about frogs on a Leap Day and I don’t particularly like frogs.  Well, except for Kermit, he was pretty cool the way he could belt out a tune as smooth as silk and make the ladies swoon… and Frog from the “Frog and Toad” books. I loved those books and Frog was always so organized and calm and collected and proper. Toad on the other  hand, a goddamn train wreck, always losing stuff and forgetting things… and I can’t forget Judy the Frog from H.R. Pufnstuf, sure she was a secondary character, but she was always so happy and dancing around and making little kids smile… oh yeah, and the frog in the Frogger video game, that dude was the bomb, running all around the video screen in the eighties arcades… and Michigan J. Frog with his tuxedo and great top-hat, dancing and singing like Frank Sinatra… oh, and how about Keroppi the Frog, from the Hello Kitty series, he was so damn cute… and I can’t leave out Froggy the Gremlin from the Buster Brown show, sure a little creepy, but another smashingly well dressed frog… yeah, but for the most part I really don’t like frogs.

3. Apparently Leap Day is a day when it is considered acceptable for women to romantically pursue men. Now believe me, I think that’s great, a day set aside just for women to romantically pursue men. In fact, I think women should have the right to romantically pursue men any day of the year, Leap Year or not.  But a lot of women choose to wait for a Leap Day, so I have to spend the entire day gently turning down the legions of women that think its acceptable to be romantically pursuing me.

2. Leap Day is just another one of the many holiday’s during the year that I have to remember to shower my wife with love and flowers and gifts and jewelry and candles and wine and chocolates… and frankly, it’s hard to remember all of those days.  Wait… what… other women aren’t getting showered with love and flowers and gifts and jewelry and candles and wine and chocolates on Leap Day?  Oh… ummm…  well, sorry I brought that up.

and the number one reason I dislike Leap Days…

1. It’s just one more day in the year that I have to be sorely disappointed that I haven’t become famous yet.

 

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Dance of the Fireflies

Isn't he cute and cuddly! Image courtesy of nationalgeographic.com

I went to bed early last night while the rest of the family stayed up and watched a movie.  As I lay in bed with the usual ten million things swirling through my mind, I stared out the bedroom window and watched the fireflies dance around in the air. I love fireflies! They’re a sure sign of summer and bring back so many memories of childhood.

My family spends many summer nights sitting outside around our fire pit.  The fireflies swarm around like crazy this time of year.  Obviously since you can see them you get a pretty clear image of how many are out there.  I can’t help but wonder though, what other creepy critters are flying around that you can’t see.  Look near any light and you get a pretty good idea.  If all the insects that are out at night had little headlights on, we’d all probably choose to stay inside.

Lots of these unseen creatures choose to interact with you when you’re sitting outside at night.  When they do, most of us freak out and flail our arms around and squeal like little girls. If a spider crawled up your pant leg as you’re sitting there enjoying a conversation, wouldn’t you be totally distressed and have to go inside and change all of your clothes?  If you were hit with a giant moth that you weren’t expecting wouldn’t you likely tip your chair from swatting it away with such ferocity?  If a big June bug landed on the back of your neck wouldn’t you be traumatized from ever going outside again.  I thought so!  Mosquitos?  I won’t even go there…

Fireflies are gentle beasts though, you can see them coming and sometimes they land on you with their little butts lit up and you feel like somehow you’ve been chosen.  They’re not frightening, they’re not disgusting, they’re not creepy.  Instead, somehow they are charming and loveable, like butterflies and dragonflies.

I’ve had several conversations with adults recently about fireflies and the things these evil people used to do as kids, with these poor, helpless insects.  One said he and his friends used to smear them around their fingers as if wearing a ring. Another said he and his friends would use them as face paint.  One even went so far as to say that he would feed them to frogs and if you gave the frogs enough they would light up.  I’m guessing that story was embellished a little bit. I don’t remember ever using fireflies in such cruel, horrible fashion, but then again, I’ve never been great at squashing bugs of any kind and I suspect I was the same way as a child.  I do remember collecting them in containers and trying to get enough to make the container light up, but I think that was the extent of my firefly recreation.

In any case, this all made me wonder how many fireflies have been sacrificed in the history of the world by little kids using them as some kind of war paint, or how many have died sealed up in jars that some kid was using as a lantern the night before.  It’s a tragedy and I think PETA should be involved.  Then again, it doesn’t appear there is any shortage of fireflies around.  So maybe I’m overreacting.

By the way, you people who call them lightning bugs, they’re not lightning bugs, they’re fireflies.  There’s no lightening involved.  So there.  What? There’s no fire involved either? Yeah okay you’re right, there is no fire involved.  So go ahead and call them whatever you want to… just stop squashing them!

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