Goats in Coats

Once upon a time there were goats that wore coats.
But these weren’t just any ordinary goats.
These were goats that had a story to tell.
Goats whose lives were terribly swell.

One goat was named Naughty and he was all white.
He seemed always hungry, ate everything in sight.
The other named Heath was a little bit smaller.
But his two large horns made him quite a bit taller.

These goats, they lived with a very nice lady.
In a beautiful place, both sunny and shady.
But one day the lady, she became very ill.
Nothing would cure her, not even a pill.

She said to her friend who owned the horse farm.
Please take my goats and keep them from harm.
Her friend said, “why yes, I’ll take them of course.”
“They’ll have a nice life and be friends with my horse.”

So these goats, they moved into their new place.
It was a beautiful farm, they had lots of space.
But the farm, it bordered a very busy street.
And goats being goats, they just wanted to eat.

They ate from the apple trees out by the road.
They ate almost all the way to the very next zip code.
They ate from the grass as cars would drive past.
They got into the traffic, they weren’t going to last!

One day a neighbor, she called the police.
“Those goats in the road, that just has to cease!”
She yelled and she screamed and she started to swear.
“Those goats chased my husband in his wheelchair!”

There was no other choice, the goats had to leave.
So the horse farm and it’s neighbors could have a reprieve.
When my wife, she heard that the goats would be sold.
She, said “we’ll take ‘em to our humble abode”.

The goats, once again, they would have a new home.
A farm where they’d have lots of space they could roam.
A farm on Brown Road where they’d start their new life.
With me and my kids and my lovely wife.

We built the goats a nice home in our horse stalls.
‘Cause winter was coming with its snow and its squalls.
We gave them some shavings, some straw and some grain.
And fed them some treats including chow mein.

The goats they were happy, they settled right in.
But winter was rearing its big, ugly chin.
The temperatures were getting closer to freezing.
We sure didn’t want our goats to be sneezing.

So my wife, she got out the farm catalogs.
And paged past the products for horses and dogs.
There on page twenty she found stuff for goats.
And lo and behold they stocked plenty of coats.

She ordered the coats, and said “ship a.s.a.p.”
The coats had to come all the way from Tennessee.
We all crossed our fingers that UPS would deliver.
As we looked out the window and watched the goats shiver.

A few days later, a package arrived.
We breathed a sigh of relief, our goats would survive.
We dressed them up nicely in their smashing new coats.
To help them adjust we gave them some oats.

Those goats they looked darling, all dressed to a tee.
But there was a problem we didn’t foresee.
The neighbors, they whispered, “goats don’t need clothes.”
“Not in the summer or the fall or when the ground’s froze.”

They chuckled and gossiped and thought we were nuts.
“Goats have fur”, they said, “from their heads to their butts”.
“In the winter, their fur gets quite a bit thicker.”
“Your goats are in coats, you must be a city slicker.”

But we liked our goats coats, and they seemed so contented.
So even though our neighbors dissented.
We kept our goats dressed in their fabulous coats.
‘Cause when it comes to our pets we only count our votes.

So this story, to all of you, I bequeath.
This wonderful story of Naughty and Heath.
A story of two of the wonderfullest goats.
Who are happy in winter to be wearing their coats.