My Un-Acceptance Speech

HOLY SHIT, this has been one freakin’ crazy-ass honorable week!  That’s all I can say about all of this recognition!

So, my friends, in the past week I have been nominated for NOT ONE… but TWO… yes, you heard that correctly… TWO… as in T… W… frickin’… O… blogging awards.  Now that is some serious head-expanding, ego-swelling, mind-numbing honor.

The first award nomination was from my blogging friend Clouded Marbles, and is called the Meme-Tastic Award.  It comes with this striking, awesomely cool graphic which appears to have been produced in some high-tech piece of graphic design software like “Adobe Kid-Paint” or something like that.

The other award nomination comes from my blogging friend Edmonton Tourist called the “Stylish Blogger Award” and comes with this rockin’ out graphic that appears to have been designed by a Velvet Elvis Poster artist.

Now… and I’ll be frank here… well, I don’t mean I’ll be Frank… I’m still Steve… well yeah, of course, you know that… I don’t actually know anyone named Frank… but I’ll be frank… meaning I’ll be honest… you know…frank…you know? What I’m getting at is, although I would not consider myself either Meme-Tastic or Stylish when it comes to blogging, apparently “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” After careful consideration and self-reflection, however, I have come to the conclusion that I am not worthy of these fine awards.  So here’s my un-acceptance speech.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Standing here at the podium tonight I am blessed and honored.  I am honored to have been so graciously nominated for these distinguished awards.  I am honored to be here amongst all of you enormously creative and talented bloggers.  I am honored to be considered not only Meme-Tastic, but Stylish.  It’s been a long-term goal of mine for the month and a half… yes, the entire month and a half… that I have been energetically working on this blog, to reach this level of success.  It’s a mountain I have been climbing.  It’s my blogging Mt. Everest.  Back in late December when I started actively writing these blog posts, I could never have imagined reaching this pinnacle of blogging stature.  I couldn’t have done it without all the loyal support around me.  I’d like to thank a few people that I think deserve mentioning.  To my beautiful wife who I love dearly… thank you for putting up with me… seriously… now THAT deserves some kind of award!  To my children who have inspired some of my best posts… thank you for being the wonders in my life and for keeping me grounded.  To my “inner-children” who continually inspire me to write about poop and sex and toilet jokes and who make me swear like a nasty bitch stripper in a two-bit run down titty bar… thank you, I couldn’t do this without you.  Of course, I can’t leave out all of my newfound blogging friends… thank you for accepting me into this crazy world we call the blog-o-sphere, for spilling your guts out to the world, for sharing personal stories about your kids and your families… stories that would probably get you ex-communicated from your homes if your families ever set eyes on your blogs.  Without your support I would only be writing hilariously funny posts and laughing to myself.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  But, my friends, I cannot accept these fine awards.  I am not worthy of these considerable honors.  Seriously, I am the new guy here.  I’m still just a wall-flower at the middle-school dance, afraid to step out of my shell and ask Suzy Smiley-Pants to dance with me.  It would be a slap-in-the-face to all the more deserving bloggers out there like walkswithstress and Sargastic Irrevalence.  So, with that being said, I thank you all for reading and enjoying my posts, but I must decline these awards… it’s right thing to do… the only thing to do… the proper response.  Thank you… and good night!

Whew… I am off the hook!

Now… just for kicks though, since these awards ask the nominees to tell a few interesting things about themselves. Here’s are five tidbits… four of these are true and one is not true… well, no, actually they are all true!

One:
I was born in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  Since then I have lived in:
Dearborn, Michigan (don’t really remember much about here)
Wixom, Michigan (through fourth grade)
St. James, New York (can you say “parachute pants”?)
Waterville, Maine (college, drunken stupor, etc.)
St. James, New York (round two… uh… yeah, Mom & Dad… I’m back)
North Reading, Massachusetts (in-laws house, unemployed, dating their daughter… and they still let me stay there!)
Brookline, Massachusetts (first place living-in-sin)
Cambridge, Massachusetts (second place living-in-sin until we got married)
Kalamazoo, Michigan (yes, sometimes life does go full-circle)
Vicksburg, Michigan (goats?)

Two:
I have two older brothers and my father, all of whom I adore dearly and who live too far away on the East Coast… enuf said!

Three:
I attended college at Colby College in Waterville, Maine.  It’s a really freakin’ good school and I still haven’t figured out how I got accepted there.  I suspect maybe my parents paid them off to finally get the last kid out of the house, even though the tuition was astronomical, even back in the 1980’s.  I squeaked through with a 2.7 GPA and with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and they gave me a diploma.  These days I don’t know a Mitochondria from a Mai-Tai but I did meet my wonderful wife at college so it was worth all of (my parents) money in the world.

Four:
I lost my Mom at age 60 to brain cancer back on October 20, 2002, after a seven-month battle with a Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme tumor.  I have to say, her death was probably the most significant event in my life up to this point and it changed me in ways that I am only just beginning to understand.

Five:
When I was a kid I wanted to be a zookeeper… lately I am starting to realize that dream… or is it a nightmare?

So, as my good ‘ol Uncle Jon likes to say, “there you have it, there it is.”

And to my friends walkswithstress and Sargastic Irrevalence.  I guess you have been indirectly nominated if you’re interested in playing along!