Tag Archives: blogging

October 1, 2011 · 8:46 pm

The Sylvia Plath Effect

From the sick and twisted files…

There’s research ’bout writers, shall have you amazed.
People who write, they tend to be crazed.
Struggling with life, conflicted and torn.
From deep in their psyche, creativity’s born.

Specifically, something that shouldn’t surprise.
A dynamic most writers would likely surmise.
‘Tis based on the poet Sylvia Plath.
There’s a complex disorder, many poets does hath.

The Sylvia Plath Effect, what it’s been named.
Poets doth suffer, that’s what is claimed.
Depression and sadness and other conditions,
Drives all these folks to their writing ambitions.

The deep, inward thoughts they scroll on the pages.
Unquestionably not because of the wages.
Something compels them to write what they write.
To document all of their internal plight.

Now Sylvia Plath, couldn’t deal with her strife.
At the young age of thirty she ended her life.
Into her oven she placed down her head.
Turned on the gas and soon she was dead.

That set me to wonder, am I mad as a hatter?
I like to write verse, what does that matter?
They’re not really poems they’re just silly rhymes.
They make people chuckle most of the times.

Seuss wasn’t crazy, least not that I’ve heard.
His stories are poems, yet often preferred,
by children, worldwide, just starting to read.
One of the greatest, you’d surely concede.

So I think I’m okay, I’ve not been affected.
The Sylvia Plath Effect’s not been detected.
Some people may think I am slightly eclectic.
The good news, my oven runs on electric!

There is lots of fascinating information out there regarding the tendency of creative writers (and in general, artists, writers, musicians and other creative types) to suffer from all sorts of personality disorders and it begs the chicken and egg question… which comes first the creativity or the mental health issues?  Think how often someone posts about writing being therapeutic. What are your thoughts? Do you write because you’re crazy…. or does writing just drive you crazy? 🙂

24 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

September 28, 2011 · 1:19 pm

Happy Birthday to Me!

Don’t be alarmed… it’s okay… there’s no need to panic… everything is under control… you didn’t miss my birthday.

My birthday is tomorrow, Thursday, September 29th.  See, I wanted to tell you all today so that you had plenty of time to prepare your birthday wishes and comments and in case anyone wanted to UPS Next Day Air a gift or some money to me. Don’t feel obligated though to send me anything, just a nice comment will suffice. Or, if you have some spare time tomorrow and would be willing to click over and over on some of my posts so that I think I’m getting a lot of blog hits on my birthday that would be a good present too. Just don’t tell me what you’re doing… that can be your little secret.

I’ll be forty-four years old tomorrow.  Forty-four seems like a pretty good age. There are lots of fours in it. In fact there are more fours than I’ll ever have in my age unless I live to be four-hundred and forty-four which would be pretty cool. Think how much blogging I could do between now and then. So if you happen to have the Secret to Eternal Life and you want to UPS Next Day Air that to me that would be awesome. Otherwise, you have my permission to gorge yourself on some cake or sweets tomorrow to celebrate my birthday with me.

With that in mind, I did a Google search for forty-fourth birthday cakes in case anyone wanted to copy one of the designs and bake me a cake and UPS Next Day Air it to me for my birthday.

Here’s a nice one I found. It looked delicious until I saw that butterfly creature on the side with the big slug body and then it kind of grossed me out.  I bet momfog wouldn’t make a cake with a big slug-butterfly on it.  If you don’t know who momfog is, she’s a blogger that makes really cool cakes and sometimes writes about them.  Hopefully this isn’t her cake.

Then I found this one. This cake was President Obama’s forty-fourth birthday cake. It also looked delicious until I realized that it probably cost an exorbitant amount of my tax money to get it made and was likely filled with nothing but empty promises and hand-outs.  Then it kind of grossed me out.

This cake was apparently for a guy named Mike. It doesn’t actually say it was for a forty-fourth birthday but it came up in the search and I thought it was pretty neat. This one didn’t gross me out.  I just hope this fellow Mike, didn’t spend his actual birthday skiing off cliffs like this because he probably would no longer be with us… kind of like the other guy who lost his skis in the snow and is nowhere to be found.

Finally, this last one was the cake at Pamela Anderson’s 44th Birthday.  She seems to be enjoying herself.  So does the guy whose lap it is sitting on.  I hope he didn’t puncture a hole in the bottom of the cake.  That kind of grossed me out too.

So, maybe I won’t have any cake for my birthday, although my wife will probably get a cake or some cupcakes or something like that, and she always makes a good choice.  A nice evening spent with her and the kids is all I really need… unless you are a literary agent and you want to send me a contract for my birthday. That would be great too!

37 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

September 23, 2011 · 4:49 pm

Blogging Awards


Fuck, I can’t ignore this situation any longer…

So, apparently people are fond of showing love and respect for the Brown Road Chronicles because I keep getting nominated for these blogging awards that are continually forwarded around our little community here.  I’m starting to think there is only a tiny number of bloggers passing around these same awards, like some kind of sexual disease, because I keep catching them… I mean getting them…. uh, I mean receiving them… uhhh…

Anyhow, on previous nominations, I have passed these off as a silly gimmick and haven’t written the required reply posts accepting the awards and telling everybody how I like to wear purple knickers or whatever other secrets people want to know about me.  See, I have never been very good at receiving awards and praise. I’m kind of a humble guy and even though it’s true, I don’t like to walk around telling people how fucking handsome and awesome I am. Seriously, I just don’t think that’s right. But I have now been nominated for the following awards including four within the last several days:  The Stylish Blogger Award; The Meme-Tastic Blogger Award; The Versatile Blogger Award (five times in two different formats); and the Award with the little gold guy holding the trophy, which apparently doesn’t have a name.  So that’s like eight awards, which is a lot of fucking praise!

With that in mind, I thought I better start taking this shit seriously or risk becoming some kind of a blogging outcast, who no one likes and who has to go live on a deserted island somewhere, where there’s no internet connection… and although sometimes that kinda sounds pretty good… well… who really needs that? So, if I remember correctly, here are the bloggers that have reaped these praises on me. These are all great blogs that I like to read, so please take some time and check them out. Hopefully I haven’t missed anybody.

Edmonton Tourist
Clouded Marbles
Big Sheep Blog
Spectrum Woman
momfog
The Throw Down
Dribbling Pensioner

Now, those of you who have been blogging for a while know that it quickly becomes pretty difficult to find good bloggers who haven’t already received numerous nominations for these fine awards. So rather than just continually spreading these awards around to the same writers, I dug deep down and came up with five great, but little known, blogs that I spend a lot of time reading. All of these have managed to stay somewhat anonymous, but they are clearly deserving of some blogging praise, so I thought I should share them with you.  Don’t forget to click on the links and check these out! Here goes…

Daily Beauty Tips for Metrosexual Farmers:

This is a great read, written by farmers for farmers.  Now I’m not a farmer, but sometimes I play one on my own blog… and I can definitely be a little metrosexual, so I find a lot of great information on this site.  Stuff like where to find tight-fitting, low-rise skinny overalls and fitted John Deere tees, how much gel to put in your hair so that a straw hat won’t give you hat head and how to clean horse shit off your Sperry’s.

Goats on Meth:

This is a great blog written by two meth-addicted goats that live somewhere in Michigan and write about how they party on Twinkies and Meth and cans of Coke while their owners are off at work.  It’s a fucking awesome read, like reality TV for goats. Seriously funny shit! I read it mostly so I can be sure my own goats don’t go down that same path.  I’ve already noticed they’ve been eating a lot of Twinkies…

Big Beautiful Breasts and Bushhogs:

This is a porno site… uhhh… I mean a farm equipment site I read… you know… to keep up on… you know… farm equipment… you know… just in case… you know… I might ever need to buy something… you know… like farm equipment.

Wine Drinking for Hillbillies:

If you like to drink wine in obscene and excessive amounts, this is the site to read.  Whether it be wine from a jug, wine from a box, or wine you can make in ten gallon drums in your basement with some Welch’s Grape Juice and a package of bread yeast… well it’s all there. Plus, tips on how to survive tripping over a chair and falling into the fire pit, how to pretend you remember the conversation you had with your wife the night before, and what kinds of glassware you can use to trick your friends into thinking they’re drinking something other than wine you made in your basement.

Sports for Dorks:

This is an important blog that I like to read so that when I’m hanging out with my male friends and they’re talking sports, I can sound like I actually know what the fuck I am talking about, even though I really don’t.  It includes great advice, like how to pronounce names like Ndamukong Suh and Nnamdi Asomugha and T.J. Houshmandzadeh, how to draft a decent Fantasy Football team when you only know like six players, how to discretely empty bottles of Budweiser and refill them with Chardonnay so friends think you’re actually drinking Budweiser, and subtle ways to change the subject of the conversation from sports to the latest issue of GQ Magazine.

So, there you go, five great reads for you to click away on.  Now, I’m also supposed to tell y’all some stuff about myself… but screw that… that’s what my blog is all about anyhow.  Just keep reading and you’ll find out enough.  If you really want to know about me, read the interview.

And now, in all seriousness, if you want to read some great blogs, check out my blogroll. It should be just to the right on your screen about now. Those are all blogs that I follow and read and comment on regularly.  I’m not going to pass them any awards, because they already know how fucking awesome they are!

 

52 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

September 15, 2011 · 1:35 pm

The Meaning of Life

Ring… ring…

RECORDING:  You have reached the offices of Meaning of Life Industries.  This phone call may be recorded for quality assurance.  Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.  So that we may direct you to the proper department, please select from the following prompts.

Dial 1 if you have questions about religious conceptions of existence, social ties, consciousness and happiness.

Dial 2 if you have questions about the pursuit of well-being and the related conception of morality.

Dial 3 if you have questions pertaining to the purpose of life and how it may coincide with the achievement of ultimate reality, or a feeling of oneness, or a feeling of sacredness.

Dial 4 if you have questions arising out of the fundamental disharmony between the individual’s search for meaning and the apparent meaninglessness of the universe.

Dial 5 if you have questions about the premise that the happiness of the individual person is inextricably linked to the well-being of humanity, as a whole, in part, because humans are social animals, who find meaning in personal relations, and because cultural progress benefits everybody living in the culture and which largely translates as ceasing to endlessly reflect on the self, instead of engaging in life and which on the whole results in the therapeutic response that the question of the meaning of life evaporates if one is fully engaged in life.

ME:  Panic…

RECORDING: Or, you may dial zero at any time to speak to a customer service agent.

ME: Dials zero

Ring… ring…

AGENT: Hello, thank you for calling Meaning of Life Industries, this is Raju, can I get your name please.

ME: Steve

AGENT: Hi Steve, how can I help you today?  Do you have a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of life or existence in general?

ME: Ummmm…. no, I’d just like to talk to someone.

AGENT: Okay, I can help you with that.  Are you trying to understand how scientific contributions can focus on describing related empirical facts about the universe?

ME: No… umm… I don’t think so… I’m just feeling kind of lost some days lately.

AGENT: I understand… I’ll be more than happy to help you with that. Are you having questions about the symbolic meaning, ontology, value, purpose, ethics, good and evil, free will, conceptions of God, the existence of God, the soul, or the afterlife?

ME: No… ummm… uhhh… none of those things. I do have a job change coming up…

AGENT: Okay, it would be my sincerest pleasure to help you with that.  Do you find yourself focusing less on humankind’s relationship to God and more on the relationship between individuals and their society?

ME: Uhhh… no… uhh… I’m not sure about that… I write a blog called Brown Road Chronicles and I feel like somehow I should try to take it to the next level… whatever that is.

AGENT: Okay, I am driven with intense joy to help you with that.  We find that is common amongst bloggers, that a lot of them start writing because they are searching for something more meaningful. Let me ask… are you aware that happiness depends upon being self-sufficient and master of one’s mental attitude while suffering is a consequence of false judgments of value, which cause negative emotions and a concomitant vicious character?

ME: Ummm… uhhh… I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that… but my wife thinks maybe I’m just having a little bit of a midlife crisis.

AGENT: Yes, I understand… and I would be incredibly, fantasmically, delighted to help you with that.  Steve, I think maybe we should schedule an appointment for you to have a consultation with one of our Meaning of Life Associates.  Do you have a preference who you’d like to see?

ME: Ummm… no… I don’t know who the choices are.

AGENT: Well, our current staff includes Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Kierkegaard, Epicurus, Nietzsche, Camus and Confucius.

ME: Oh my… I didn’t think all those people were still alive… are those people still alive?

AGENT: No sir, they are not alive… our actual Meaning of Life Associates are… well… we call them “philosopher helpers”… kind of like the Santa Claus you’ve perhaps seen at your local mall.

ME: Oh… okay… well, I don’t know… I guess whoever is available.

AGENT: Okay, good… my whole human consciousness and purpose of life thrives on me helping you with that. We can see who has an open appointment available.  Do you have a preference of which facility you would like to visit… Mt. Everest, Kilimanjaro, Fuji or Kangchenjunga?

ME: Kangchen… what… I’m sorry, what was that last one?

AGENT: Kangchenjunga.

ME: Oh my… where is that?

AGENT: That would be on the border between India and Nepal.

ME: Oh my… ummm… isn’t there anything closer. Don’t you have any offices in Michigan?

AGENT: No, I’m sorry sir, all of our offices are at the tops of mountains. I’m pretty sure there are no mountains in Michigan.

ME: Oh… I see… well, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can get to any of those places… but thank you for your time anyway.

AGENT: Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you sir, if you’d like I can transfer you to our automated Meaning of Life, self-help line.

ME: Okay, I guess that would be alright…

AGENT: I’ll transfer you now, thank you for calling Meaning of Life Industries.

Ring… ring…

RECORDING: You have reached the Meaning of Life Industries automated self-help line.  Due to an overwhelming volume of bloggers calling our lines, we are experiencing excessive delays.  Approximate wait time is ten years.

Or, you may dial zero at any time to speak to a customer service agent….

 

*Thank you to Wikipedia for clarifying what the meaning of life… really means.

 

43 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , ,