There’s a few houses around my area that have large cement statues of lions or gargoyles in front of them. Now guarding your home with large cement statues if you have a lot of money and prestige, I guess is okay… but these folks have meager ranch houses that really are uncharacteristic of such statuesqueness. What kind of an egotistical douchebag would you have to be to put these atrocities in front of your house.
So, I decided since I’m a very famous, high profile blogger, I thought I might put some large cement statues in front of my house. I went to my local cement statue retailer and discussed this with them. As they have had issues with people making rash decisions like buying gigantic lions and getting them home and realizing that they were too big for their double wide, they made me go through an extensive interview process to be sure that I picked the proper cement statues. In addition they were able to give me some mock-ups and product descriptions of a few of my top choices so that I could make an educated decision as to which would be best suited for my particular needs.
I’m hoping you can offer some feedback as to which you think is best.
Here’s my top choices…
1. Gargoyles:
Our #1 best selling statues! Gargoyles are a good choice for neighborhoods, or homes in the country. Able to ward off all kind of solicitors including Jehovahs, vacuum salespeople and Girl Scouts.
2. Lions:
A Best seller! Show up your neighbors by surrounding your driveway with these elegant Lion statues. If you didn’t feel like the king of your jungle before hand, you will now! Guaranteed to give you the hard earned reputation of biggest prick on the block… and who wouldn’t want that?
3. Neptunes:
Who doesn’t love the God of the Sea? These statues will make you feel like the God of your neighborhood. Special bonus: Comes with your own personal Trident that you can use to stab the neighbor kids when they trespass in your yard!
4. Hot Chicks:
Are you man enough to have these two hot chicks gracing your front yard? Show the guys in your neighborhood who wears the pants in your relationship. Or in the case of these statues, who doesn’t wear the pants!
Let me know what you think, I hope to have these delivered next week!
The Brown Road Chronicles 
I don’t want to sound too English, but does the cement remain tacky or is it just the impression the drive ornaments naturally give off?
I think its a little of both!
I’m leaning toward Neptune, but the gargoyles are a close second. If you go with the hot chicks, you’re going to need to dress them appropriately.
I was looking for some goats, but couldn’t find any…
The gargoyle has a certain look on his face, does he not? How about putting a woman statue beside him? Kill two birds with one stone….and really leave people guessing 😉
He does kind of look like he’s giggling after just seeing a naked… statue!
I think it would make for a great conversation piece! Put them out together with a large blank slate asking passersby to create a “caption” for it…LOL
Personally, I’d hold out till I found some goats.Stick with what you know, I say.
Probably good advice!
Neptune’s. I think you’re going to find that the Trident’s are also useful for warding off stray animals, too!
Nancy
http://www.workingmomadventures.com
Stray animals… we have lots of those around!
Yay!!!! You’re famous now!!!! …and so humble! You were just going to sneak it by like that with no fanfare. SMH
The gargoyles are giving off a serious pedophile vibe. Might cut down on the cost of Halloween candy. The lions look like they just got back from the salon. Easy, breezy, beautiful! Not so much on the ferocious. The girls are a little over the top. Or off with the top or something. Maybe if they were mermaids they would come with the trident…?
Mermaids… huh? Not much water around here. Think I’m gonna have to follow Margie’s advice and wait for some goats!
I vote NEPTUNES, because there’s no rational reason to have two. It would be like having two St. Francises looking at each other, or two Bugs Bunnies. The chicks came in second.
I’m not sure there’s a rational reason to have ANY… but those Neptunes are pretty cool.
This whole thing is totally “HILARIOUS”!! I laughed so hard my stomach hurt!!
“statuesqueness”- LOL… LMAO!!!
Those statues belong in front of a mansion, estate or a castle!!
Again, WAY funny!! Thanks for the good laugh!!
Thanks Robert. What’s Hilarious is that people actually put these in front of their houses. I decided not to buy any, they wouldn’t fit in the back of my truck!