Goats That Eat Their Own Legs

I try not to dwell on the search terms that bring people to my blog.  Apparently some of the words and phrases I have used sporadically throughout my posts have a tendency to attract some sordid characters of less than stellar moral virtue.  I won’t go into details as I don’t want you to throw up in your mouth.

Yesterday, however, while checking my stats page (have I ever mentioned that I like to check my stats page?) I glanced down to the search terms and discovered this:

borders.com goat that ate its own legs book

WHAT?!?!?!

Have I ever mentioned that I have goats?

Well, I do… I have two of them… and so far neither one has eaten its own legs.  Just as importantly, neither has attempted to eat the other goats legs. I will tell you they do eat all kinds of other stuff, including plastic and paper… but so far no body parts.  Is that even a possibility that my goats could eat their own legs?  Rubbish… I’ve never heard of such a thing!

I really like my goats and have become quite attached to them.  Well, not literally attached, but you know what I mean. They’re like dogs with horns, except only one of them still has his horns. I’ll tell you, we get along smashingly well!  Except for the time I was bending over to pick something up and one of them head butted me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out… but I’m over that now.  Now we get along fabulously! Except for that time that one of them was licking my arm and then bit me, but I don’t hold grudges. Oh, and there was that time just recently that we were putting up fence to protect our garden… you know, from the goats… and one of them kept rubbing on the fence and knocking it over… but we’ve worked that out.  Of course, there was that time that one of them chewed the wires on my lawnmower… and on our bikes.  But, hey, these things happen and we’ve kissed and made up.  Well, not literally kissed, but you know what I mean.

Anyhow, as I said, we get along well.  We hang out in the yard.  We take walks together.  I even let one of them take a sip from my wine glass the other night.  He really liked it and so then I understood why we get along so well.  It’s a special relationship, that between man and goat.  Hey, get your mind out of the damn gutter…

Anyhow, I was perplexed that our goats had not come with any kind of warning that there was the possibility of them eating their own legs.  I was deeply concerned because a goat with no legs would not be nearly as fun to be around as one with legs.  I’d have to put them on a leash and then drag them down the road, and who needs that? So I googled this search expression and found that there is actually a book titled My Goat Ate Its Own Legs: Tales for Adults.  Well thank goodness it’s for adults! It certainly doesn’t sound like an appropriate topic for a children’s book.

I don’t know what the book is about but it is fictional so that gave me a sliver of relief.  Although I am immensely curious, I think I will choose NOT to read it, however.  I don’t want my relationship with my goats to become tainted.

In case you'd like to read it. Just don't tell me what it's about!

 

 

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29 Comments

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29 responses to “Goats That Eat Their Own Legs

  1. I’m so relieved that your goats have not resorted to eating their own legs and want to reassure you that you’re not the only one who has weird search terms show up on their stats page. Usually, I look at them and think “I don’t want to know.” Then I think, “did I write about THAT?”

  2. Awesome post! Good reading material as we are enroute from Idaho to Salt Lake City Utah and its a boring desert ride! Read this out loud to my husband and we got some chuckles! We hope to be home by Friday- to conclude our 4 week trip!

  3. “A floating goat that is more goat than boat” – there is even a song on YouTube to promote the book (and explain how the goat gets around with no legs…) I don’t think I’ll be reading this book anytime soon…

  4. So funny! I cracked some chuckles, good thing my daughter didn’t look at me funny. I can picture someone “dragging” their goat, oh gosh, wouldn’t people stop and stare haha! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  5. My dad’s goats were way more well behaved than yours are, my dad is the bad influence at his house…

  6. oh, did I mention he doesn’t have them anymore? I am not sure why…

  7. My goats seem evil! I could imagine them eating each other’s legs. Had a good giggle. X

  8. Great post! I always think there’s something slightly menacing about goats though – they’re like the angsty, angry teenagers of the farm world. Cows however.. man, you really know where you stand with a cow!

  9. So are you the “Man who stares at goats?”

  10. Funny post, Steve…it’s amazing to me how smart goats are: way too smart to snack on their own body parts!

    Wendy

  11. Great post man, funny….love how you & your goats are getting along…lol Wish I could have some. There are some wild topics that pop in the stats thing though.

  12. I read the search terms on my stats page all the time to see how people were drawn to some of my older posts. It just amazes me some of the disturbing things that people are looking for, and even more disturbing is that somehow one or two of those words leads them straight to me. One of these days I’m going to start jotting these down and write a post about them. Crazy shit.

  13. I had a goat once. He was a charming fellow. I would not have been surprised if he had eaten his own legs. He drank tractor fluid like it was water. He was especially fond of soda cans. He left a stream of poop everywhere he went. Did i mention that he was a charming fellow? 🙂

  14. Probably the kid version (no pun intended) of that book is “My Baby Goat Ate Its Own Legs”. … probably.

  15. I got the email notification – read the title – first thought was, i have to ask him how many hits he will get from people searching for that! Then I read you wrote because of the search! Cracked me up. No, I am not reading the book either. The concept is just not nice!

  16. Now I have to read it.

    PS: If you think your search engine terms are bad, try having a blog with porn on it – I’m learning way too much about the mind of a creeper.

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