I try not to dwell on the search terms that bring people to my blog. Apparently some of the words and phrases I have used sporadically throughout my posts have a tendency to attract some sordid characters of less than stellar moral virtue. I won’t go into details as I don’t want you to throw up in your mouth.
Yesterday, however, while checking my stats page (have I ever mentioned that I like to check my stats page?) I glanced down to the search terms and discovered this:
borders.com goat that ate its own legs book
Have I ever mentioned that I have goats?
Well, I do… I have two of them… and so far neither one has eaten its own legs. Just as importantly, neither has attempted to eat the other goats legs. I will tell you they do eat all kinds of other stuff, including plastic and paper… but so far no body parts. Is that even a possibility that my goats could eat their own legs? Rubbish… I’ve never heard of such a thing!
I really like my goats and have become quite attached to them. Well, not literally attached, but you know what I mean. They’re like dogs with horns, except only one of them still has his horns. I’ll tell you, we get along smashingly well! Except for the time I was bending over to pick something up and one of them head butted me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out… but I’m over that now. Now we get along fabulously! Except for that time that one of them was licking my arm and then bit me, but I don’t hold grudges. Oh, and there was that time just recently that we were putting up fence to protect our garden… you know, from the goats… and one of them kept rubbing on the fence and knocking it over… but we’ve worked that out. Of course, there was that time that one of them chewed the wires on my lawnmower… and on our bikes. But, hey, these things happen and we’ve kissed and made up. Well, not literally kissed, but you know what I mean.
Anyhow, as I said, we get along well. We hang out in the yard. We take walks together. I even let one of them take a sip from my wine glass the other night. He really liked it and so then I understood why we get along so well. It’s a special relationship, that between man and goat. Hey, get your mind out of the damn gutter…
Anyhow, I was perplexed that our goats had not come with any kind of warning that there was the possibility of them eating their own legs. I was deeply concerned because a goat with no legs would not be nearly as fun to be around as one with legs. I’d have to put them on a leash and then drag them down the road, and who needs that? So I googled this search expression and found that there is actually a book titled My Goat Ate Its Own Legs: Tales for Adults. Well thank goodness it’s for adults! It certainly doesn’t sound like an appropriate topic for a children’s book.
I don’t know what the book is about but it is fictional so that gave me a sliver of relief. Although I am immensely curious, I think I will choose NOT to read it, however. I don’t want my relationship with my goats to become tainted.