Tag Archives: Christmas

White Christmas

A little song we did…

Christmas here in Michigan, as with many traditionally cold places in the U.S. this time of year, was unseasonably warm and FAR from white. But we still enjoyed good food and some family time at home.

Hope you all (who celebrate) had a Merry Christmas and wishing you all a happy, healthy, prosperous New Year!

Perhaps we’ll see you all more in 2016!

Here’s the “professional” version that I recorded for my Soundcloud page:

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The Schmoo and other Notable Warner Family Christmas Ornaments

Over many years we have accumulated enough Christmas ornaments to decorate at least two sizeable Christmas trees. We never use them all, but there are many that always make their way onto a branch. I learned as a child, from my own family experience, that a decorated Christmas tree is not only a central theme for your holiday celebration, but a piece of history, each ornament telling its own story or having its own personal meaning. My wife has taken to labeling many of our ornaments with any relevant information regarding year purchased, where and why or who gave it to us a gift.  Like so many families around the world, part of the holiday tradition is the annual experience of digging through the cartons and recounting the significance of each ornament. Some bring back happy memories, some bring back sad memories and some of course make us laugh.

So here’s a top 10 list of ornaments on the Warner Christmas tree that have special significance to me. They’re listed in a somewhat chronological order. My wife and kids could probably generate their own lists as well, but these are my favorites.

Here goes…

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The Schmoo:  The Schmoo was once a proud snowman, happily hanging in our tree when I was a child, covered in a white felt-like material with painted black eyes and a smiling mouth.  I used to like to play with the snowman until one year I got him all dirty. In my efforts to get the snowman clean, I took him to the bathroom sink and washed him with soap and hot water… at which time the snowman’s felt outer layer disintegrated and washed away down the sink. I cried and cried and cried and cried… and then cried some more. My brothers renamed him “the Schmoo”… which I’m not really sure what a Schmoo is… and he hung on our tree for many more years. Sometime after moving to Michigan in 1993, my mother visited and gave me the Schmoo along with some other leftover memories from my home. He still hangs on our tree today!

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The “Steve” Ornament: I made this when I was a kid back in the early 1970’s. Actually like many of the things my kids brought home as toddlers, I figure my teacher probably made it and gave it to me. I know this because to this day I still can’t write my name that clearly in cursive. Amazing it still survives!

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The Stocking: Another of my childhood creations. Not sure where I was going with this… perhaps this is what I thought Santa looked like at the time, you know, sort of like a terrorist. On the other hand, I do think that perhaps I had some insight into the future popularity of the goatee beard that so many men wear these days. The Stocking usually goes on the back of the tree, sort of towards the bottom, where it’s not very visible.

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The Scary Plastic Made in China Santa Claus: When Kim and I were in college, the first year we were together, we scraped together the little money we had, took a trip into town to the local drug store and bought enough ornaments to decorate a small tree we had in one of our dorm rooms. I vaguely remember even having to call a taxi to drive us there and back because we didn’t have a car. We bought some glass balls, a few plastic icicles and snowflakes and other odds and ends. Several still hang on our tree today, one of which was this fantastic Santa Clause head. My daughter thinks it’s scary… she’s got a point.

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The Beeswax Moose: My Mom bought me this ornament in 1990 when I was in college. Probably from LL Bean or some other Maine retail store. I went through a stage where I was into Moose things and this added to the collection. It survives to this day, it hasn’t melted, it hasn’t cracked, and it hasn’t fallen apart. Give some credit to the bees for producing an amazing, durable, all-natural material that can withstand 22 years and counting.

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The Russian Girl: My brother and his wife were having trouble conceiving a child. After years of fertility treatments and other unsuccessful attempts at a pregnancy, they decided to travel to Russia in 1997 to adopt a baby boy, an absolutely amazing young man who is now 16. This ornament came back with them from Russia… with Love!

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The Honeymoon Bear: Kim and I got married in 1992. We just recently celebrated our 20th anniversary. For our honeymoon we spent a week in Hawaii. We had reserved a week on Kauai, but that year a hurricane tore through and devastated the island. We had to quickly change our plans and ended up spending most of our time on Oahu. Still a fabulous experience and a place we hope to return to someday.

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The Amish Buggy: In 2002 my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, a glioblastoma multiforme, the most aggressive, dangerous and malignant brain tumor. That summer, knowing that her days were limited, several members of our family took a trip with her to the Amish country around Lancaster Pennsylvania. It was a week I will not ever forget. My Mom passed away on October 20, 2002.

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The Bear:  No particular history here other than we bought this ornament the very first Christmas we spent in Michigan after moving from the East Coast. It’s one of our favorites… just because it’s so damn cute.

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The Kids Ornaments: Of course history continues when kids are introduced into the Christmas ornament mix. We have dozens of ornaments that the kids have brought home from pre-school and elementary school. Unfortunately all the ornaments made from that petrified cookie product, that teachers sometimes make ornaments with, have since rotted away. The one’s pictured are made from fired clay. With any luck, someday when my kids have moved away and started their own families, I’ll be able to pass these on.

What ornaments hold special significance to your family?

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Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the folks at BROWN ROAD CHRONICLES.  I asked my family to get together with me and make a little Christmas carol video. This is what we came up with… yes, there’s a few bloopers included! Please take a few minutes and watch the whole thing. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed filming it… yes, we laughed A LOT!  To all of you subscribers and readers, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your loyal support and more importantly YOUR FRIENDSHIP! It is valued more than you understand.  I hope you have a wonderful and magical day with your family and friends.  Wishing you the Merriest Christmas and a  Joyous, Healthy and Happy New Year!!

Steve

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Christmas Shopping

I spent this morning doing some Christmas shopping. Unlike many people I actually enjoy shopping on the last few days before Christmas because everyone is in a good mood… well, except maybe some of the sales clerks. I believe it’s a myth that everybody is bitchy and pissed off and crotchety on the last few shopping days before Christmas. Most people are just off from work for a little while so they’re able to be finally feel happy about the upcoming holiday… or maybe they’re just drunk… whatever…

Here are a few observations:

I was in a bookstore for about an hour. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I just thought it would be fun to look around. Some of you know, until this past November I worked in a family business… a bookstore… for the last eighteen years. It was a college bookstore, so we sold textbooks, rather than general reading books, but a bookstore nonetheless. Books became business to me. We made good incomes selling books, but I started hating books. The last thing I wanted to do was look at a book. Plus, as a retail store, we were always busy this time of year and didn’t get much time off. But today, I stood in a bookstore and looked through books and had a grand old time. I held them in my hands and stared at the covers and browsed the pages inside and even bought a few things. It was a renewed love affair.

I was in a store that sold wine today.  When I brought my purchase up to the cashier’s desk, she asked to see my ID.  I’m pretty sure that she didn’t think I was under twenty-one, this was just a store policy that they ask everyone to show an ID so they can enter their birth year into the cash register. I pulled out my wallet and flashed my driver’s license.  As I was closing my wallet back up, I noticed sticking out from behind my license was the appointment card for my upcoming, long overdue vasectomy surgery.  In big green letters on the top of the card, clearly visible to the cashier was the word UROLOGY.  Probably not too many guys under twenty-one spending time at the urologist’s office.

I’m a pretty friendly, people-person kind of guy… but have you ever seen someone who you don’t know, a complete stranger, and think “God, I hate that person.” I saw a woman today who was all scrunched up and angry-looking and that thought ran through my head… then I said to myself “thank God, I don’t have to spend the holidays with that woman.” Then I felt bad… because that scrunched up, angry woman is probably somebody’s wife, mother, sister, aunt… whatever. Oh well, hopefully she has a Merry Christmas and isn’t so fucking scrunched up when she’s with her family.

Hip stores play great Christmas music that really gets me in the holiday mood. Not that crap Christmas music you hear on the radio where they play “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” six hundred times a day, but funky, jazzy, cool Christmas tunes that you haven’t necessarily heard before. I like Christmas music like that… it’s fun and it makes me happy. By the way… whoever the hell wrote and sang “Grandma got runover…” should be locked up for torturing us all these years with that shitty, douche-bag song.

When you shop where I live, everybody says “Merry Christmas” to you. “What’s wrong with that” you ask? Well, nothing really… except… although I’ve lived in Michigan now for the past 18 years, I grew up on Long Island, New York where there is a large Jewish population. So you didn’t say Merry Christmas to everyone because there was a good possibility that they were not Christian and didn’t celebrate Christmas. Apparently I am still under the influence of that upbringing and I tend not to say Merry Christmas to people unless they say it first.

Even then I say it with a sense of… “I know you just said Merry Christmas to me… so I feel somewhat confident that I can say it back to you… perhaps… so… Merry Christmas to you too… ummmm… I think… you know… unless you happen to be Jewish… or Muslim… or Hindu… or Atheist… and you were just saying it to me because you figured I live in Michigan so the odds are pretty good that I celebrate Christmas… you know… so have a nice holiday, whatever you happen to be celebrating.”

Lastly on the subject of Christmas… man the freakin’ Christmas cards are pouring in. We get a shit-load of Christmas cards this time of year. I never get Christmas cards in February or May… or even September… but they roll in by the dozens this time of year. We are not good at reciprocating and sending out Christmas cards to all of our friends and family. If it were solely my responsibility… frankly it would never happen. My wife pulls it together some years and sends out “New Year’s” cards sometime in January.

I’ve always wondered why people send Christmas cards with only pictures of their kids on the card. Are you and your spouse that hideous that you can’t be on the card as well? If you’re my friend, I want to see a picture of you on the Christmas card, especially if I haven’t seen you in a while… you know… so I can see if you’ve gotten fat and bald. Then I can feel better about myself and everybody needs a little bit of that, especially around the holidays.

I’d love to see a Christmas card with me on it… you know… perhaps in a red Speedo with a Santa Clause hat on.  Hey, if that just made you throw up in your mouth a little… well, I hope you get coal in your stocking!

Merry Christmas… ummmm… I think… you know… whatever… just have a nice holiday, whatever you happen to be celebrating.

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