Tag Archives: birth

What’s Your Name?

One day we discovered we were having a baby.
A sweet little girl or a little boy maybe.
We knew that we shouldn’t wait ’til we met.
To choose you a name that we wouldn’t regret.

We wanted a name that would sound pretty cool.
When the teachers were taking attendance at school.
We wanted a name that would make you unique.
When people would hear it, their interest would pique.

We wanted a name that would fit you just right.
A name that would shine in the day and the night.
We wanted a name that you’d always be proud.
To stand in a group and shout it out loud!

So with nine months to spare we took a long look.
At all of the names in the Baby Names book.
There were so many choices, places to start.
Gertrude or Mabel, Sylvester or Bart?

Some were too simple, some were too weird.
Some were offensive, some were revered.
Some names we read and could barely pronounce.
We knew those were names we shouldn’t announce.

We read through the book from cover to cover.
Wond’ring which wonderful name we’d discover.
Or which of the names we couldn’t resist.
We took out some paper and started a list.

First we selected some names for a boy.
Langston or Humphrey or Tobias-Roy?
Then we selected some names for a girl.
Esperanza or Guinevere or Millicent-Pearl?

But these names just weren’t right, we couldn’t commit.
We knew that these names just didn’t quite fit.
We decided that when you were born we would choose.
Which name you would get, there’d be nothing to lose.

It seemed like the time, it stood still, so to speak.
As your mother got bigger and bigger each week.
Then finally one day she was ready to blow!
She said to me “honey I think we should go!”

We rushed to the hospital faster than fast.
The day that we’d name you, it was here at last.
On the way out the door I snatched up the Book.
In case that we needed to take one last look.

Several hours later you entered our lives.
The birthing room filled up with cheers and high fives.
I looked at your Mom and said as I smiled.
“You get to choose the name for this child.”

On that wonderful day when we finally met.
We chose Madeline as the name you would get.
‘Cause Madeline is the name that was best!
The name with which you will always be blessed!

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Mama had a baby…

This is how I figure it went down…

Once upon a time there was a nice family that lived in the suburbs, a Mama and a Papa and two young kids.  They had a little ranch house that looked the same as all the other houses in the neighborhood.  Mama and Papa had good jobs and they had two cars and overall, a pretty good middle class life. One day Mama got pregnant.  Nine months later they found themselves in the hospital ready to give birth to another baby.

So there they are, in the birthing room, everybody is screaming and yelling, it’s total chaos, Papa standing there trembling in the corner, freaking out ‘cause he doesn’t know what the hell to do. Mama is yelling shit at him like, “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!”  Then Mama’s pushing and yelling and screaming and pretty soon the baby comes out… and the doctor catches the baby…

…and then its head popped off.  Seriously… its… head… popped…right… off!  Or maybe Mama’s head popped off… you know, I’m not really sure… that parts not totally clear.  But whatever, it doesn’t really matter… somebody’s head popped off and that’s just some scary shit. I mean, giving birth is frightening enough when everybody’s head stays on. I remember when my daughter was being born and I’m standing there watching her come out, expecting her to be all clean and fresh, maybe wearing a nice new frilly pink Onsie or whatever.  Instead she comes sliding out, her head’s all smashed up, blood and gore everywhere.  I’m thinking, yeah this is a frickin’ miracle… it was a miracle that I didn’t throw up.

“Mr. Warner, congratulations on your new baby. Do you want to cut the cord?”

“Uhhh, seriously Doc?  Maybe this whole bloody scene won’t come flooding back from your memory banks next time you’re eating a hamburger, but me, yeah I think I’m traumatized for life. Now you want me to cut the cord?”

Okay, I didn’t really say that but I thought it, as I was cutting the cord with this giant pair of scissors that looked like something you’d prune shrubs with.  In any case nobody’s head popped off, like happened to those poor suburban folks.

We were at a park today, taking a walk, and my daughter picks up a dandelion, sticks it in my face and says “Mama had a baby and it’s head popped off’ and flicks the flower part of the dandelion off the stem with her thumb.  What the hell is that all about?  I used to do that as a kid too.  I don’t know where she learned it, it’s just one of those things that is passed down from generation to generation and nobody really knows why. So I looked it up but I couldn’t find any answers to the origin of this particular saying about giving birth and heads popping off and how the poor dandelion flower became the victim. One commenter thought it maybe had origins in medieval France and the use of the guillotine, but that didn’t make any sense.

“Mr. LeFevalaurentiereau, congratulations on your new baby.  Would you like to cut anyone’s head off?”

“Uhhh, seriously Doc?  Maybe this whole bloody scene won’t come flooding back from your memory banks next time you’re eating a Hasenpfeffer sandwich, but me, yeah I think I’m traumatized for life. Now you want me to cut somebody’s head off?”

See that just doesn’t make any sense.  So, I guess I’ll never know where the expression “Mama had a baby and its head popped off” came from, and what it has to do with dandelions.  That’s okay though… there are clearly more important things to be concerned with…

… like wiping dandelions under your chin to see if you like butter… or was that buttercups?

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Father and Son

To all of you reading this for the first time, although it sounds as if I may be referring to my father thankfully he is still around although admittedly with his share of health problems. I did lose my mother to cancer at age 60 back in 2002 so I have experienced the trauma of losing a parent early in life.  I am trying to conceptualize the lifelong relationship between a father and a son. That could be me with my father as he gets up there in age, my son and I, or anyone of us. As I was writing this I guess I was thinking more in terms of my son’s relationship with me and the events he will experience and possibly have to deal with as he grows older.  Whether this makes you smile or cry, I imagine most of you will relate at some level.  Thanks for reading.

waaaah
Da da
Daddy
Daddy read to me?
Daddy I love you!
Daddy wanna play catch?
Hey Dad, thanks for coaching my team.
Dad I’m so mad that we lost!
Dad are you coming to my game tonight?
Dad can you drive me to the movies?
Dad I have a girlfriend.
Dad can I talk to you about birth control?
Dad how did you know when you were first in love?
Dad when I’m at away at college I promise to call once a week.
Dad I got an A in my chemistry class.
Dad I met a girl that I really like.
Dad I’ve been accepted into the junior year abroad program!
Dad I’m nervous about graduating and finding a job.
Dad thanks for helping me pay for college.
Dad let’s go grab a few beers somewhere.
Dad I got a really great job offer.
Dad I’m getting married!
Dad they want to promote me but it means moving away.
Dad we finally closed on that house we love.
Dad were going to have a baby.
Dad its a boy!
Dad how’d you and Mom survive these toddler years?
Dad how about you and mom coming for Christmas this year, the boys would love to see you, its been awhile.
Dad do you think you and Mom can make it to the graduation in June?
Dad congratulations on your retirement, you deserve it.
Dad are you keeping busy?
Dad I miss you, maybe we can come visit this summer.
Dad, Mom said you haven’t been feeling too well.
Dad we’ll be on a plane tomorrow to come see you.
Dad you’ve lost a lot of weight.
Dad you look so old to me.
Dad thank you for everything you’ve done to make my life so special.
Dad you’ve lived a great life and accomplished so much.
Dad I’ll be sure that Mom’s okay.
Dad its okay to let go.
Dad I love you.
Dad everyone in attendance today is here to honor your life. You were a blessing to so many people, a wonderful husband to Mom, a caring father to your children and a friend to so many.
Dad we will miss you.

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