I’d Like a Refund

Part of the Phone Calls to Julie Series.

Ring, ring…

WP: Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned… and I’d like a refund.

WP: Ummm… okay sir… what are you concerned about?

ME: Well, I’m concerned that I haven’t become famous yet.

WP: Excuse me?

ME: I’m concerned that I haven’t become famous yet… and I’d like a refund.

WP: What do you mean, you’d like a refund?

ME: I’d like a refund.

WP: Is this the guy from Brown Road Chronicles?

ME:  Yes, yes, do you remember me?

WP: Ummm… how could I forget?  Anyway, what do you mean you’d like a refund?  A refund on what? The WordPress service you’re using is free.

ME:  Oh…. ummm…. well… uhhh…

WP: SIR IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH? We are very busy today. Lots of people have time off this week so there are a lot of bloggers that are writing and need technical assistance… and the phones are ringing off the hook.  Now, what do you mean you haven’t become famous yet?

ME:  See, with 2011 coming to a close… well I’m reflecting…

WP: Reflecting?

ME: Yes… I’m reflecting… on the past year. See, I started my blog about a year ago… and I thought I’d be famous by now.

WP:  Sir, I’m pretty sure that the first time you called me, I told you that most bloggers have this delusion that they are going to be famous authors someday, when in reality the majority will just disappear eventually.

ME: Oh… you did? Well, I’m not just any blogger, I write Brown Road Chronicles.  Have you read my blog yet? It’s very good!

WP: Yes… you’ve mentioned that before… but, no sir, I have not read it… WordPress now has over 400,000 blogs, I can’t read them all.  Unfortunately… you haven’t disappeared yet… uhhh… I mean… uhhh… why don’t you just tell me what’s going on.

ME: Oh… okay… well, one of my first posts last December when I started actively writing was my New Year’s Resolution…

WP:  And what was your New Year’s Resolution?

ME: Well… to become a… Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star, Amish Furniture Maker.

WP: Uhhhh…. a famous… what?

ME: A Famous, Ripped, Best-Selling, Rock Star, Amish Furniture Maker.

WP: What does that mean?

ME: Uhhh… which part?

WP:  Oh… nevermind… so, how’d that go?

ME: Ummm… well, I didn’t really accomplish any of it…

WP:  And… so you’re concerned that you’re not famous yet?

ME: Yes… yes… I thought by writing this blog, I’d be famous by now.

WP: Sir, I… uhhh… noticed all those things in that New Year’s Resolution are kind of… ummm… well, they’re kind of… how do I say this nicely… ummm… VAIN!  Well, except for the… uhhh… what was it… the Amish… uhhh… wood worker…

ME: Amish Furniture Maker…

WP:  Woodworker… furniture maker… whatever… they’re all kind of vain… anyway, why do want to be famous?

ME: Uhhh…. I don’t know…

WP: And what do you want to be famous doing?

ME: Uhhh… I don’t know… I’d like to maybe write a kid’s book someday.

WP: Sir, perhaps in 2012 you should just focus on work and writing and your family and whatever else is important to you… and… well… you know… maybe stop trying to be famous… you know, if you work hard, good things will come… and frankly there’s probably more important things to worry about than being famous.

ME: Oh my… there is?

WP:  Well of course there is… your family and your friends and your career and your contentment and spirituality… basically just focusing on the things that make you happy. What’s that quote “Life is a journey, not a destination” or something like that? Well it’s true… and if you enjoy writing… well, then keep writing. Perhaps in 2012 amazing things will happen. Besides, I’m looking at your stats page and it looks like you have a bunch of subscribers that read and comment regularly on your posts. I’d say you’ve achieved some small level of fame right there!

ME: Oh my… I sure do love my subscribers… they’ve become such great blogging friends! So you’re saying I don’t need a refund?


ME: Oh…  I’m terribly sorry… well, okay I guess, I’ll take your advice… you’ve always helped me out before.

WP: That’s my job sir… is there anything else I can help you with?

ME:  No… thank you so much for all your help… I look forward to speaking with you in 2012.  Happy New Year Julie!

WP: Happy New Year to you too Mr…. ummm… Brown Road Chronicles. Good luck in 2012!



Filed under Uncategorized

30 responses to “I’d Like a Refund

  1. bigsheepcommunications

    So good to know that WP offers free therapy.

  2. Steve as always, brilliant.
    Sorry she was not able to help you in any way but maybe you will become a famous singer, and on a world tour, i’ll come to see you in Belfast.
    Meanwhile, just be someone who is ordinary and unknown 🙂

  3. Haha, funny stuff, Steve! You and Julie get along famously!

  4. mysterycoach

    Ur too funny 🙂

  5. Amish furniture maker? I’d like a quilt rack please, then we can talk about being famous.

  6. Though I still advocate disappearing as a first step, a way to beat the rush as it were, I enjoyed this literary “f-f-Fantassie”.

  7. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Huh! Very funny – “a delusion they’ll be famous authors some day” 🙂

    I’d be surprised if I could maintain the blog a whole year – so congrats on that!! Do Amish make different kinds of furniture to the norm? Just wondering…

    • No, they just have a reputation for being very talented and crafty when it comes to stuff like furniture making – excellent, high quality, long-lasting stuff, that’s made of real wood, not crap-particle board.

      To me, it’s my way of saying…”I want to get out of the rat race!”

  8. If we ever meet, I’ll ask you for your autograph…and a picture with a goat.

  9. Let me just add that Julie definitely lied. WordPress has NO technical support. Just write for us, maybe one day we will make you famous! Xx

  10. Did you tweet this to WordPress? 😉 I will pimp you now.

  11. Dear Mr. Brown Road Chronicles,

    If you ever figure out the famous blogger thing, please let me and Ms. Sleeps A Lot in on the secret.

    Mrs. Momfog

  12. Well, you have Google Page Rank of 3, which is a darn site more famous than Google saying “This page is not ranked by Google”!!

    Mind you, if you manage a refund, can you organise mine too? I’m not famous yet either!

    How about we make a pact? We both will finish our books by……….. I’d like to aim for end of March, how about you?

  13. Pingback: Just Sayin | Anne Schilde

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