Mommy, Mommy, What Do You Do?

Okay, here by popular demand (or more likely un-popular demand) is the Sequel to “Daddy, Daddy, what do you do?”  I’m not quite sure it lives up to its predecessor but you people were putting a lot of pressure on me and I felt like I had to churn something out.  It was like when my agent calls and says “Steve would you get that fucking book done!”  Oh wait, I don’t have an agent.  Anyway, it is what it is… but I have to say, it’s tough to write from the Mother’s perspective… seriously!

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Teacher.  I teach children reading and writing and mathematics.  You can be a Teacher too and help kids grow up to be successful, responsible adults.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Nurse.  I help take care of people who are sick or who have to spend time in the hospital.  I administer medications and check patient’s blood pressure and assist with other medical procedures.  You can be a Nurse too and help people who aren’t feeling well.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Corporate Executive.  I work in an office and manage a department full of under-achieving low-life’s who probably aren’t really skilled enough to even be employed at a McDonald’s.  Most of my time I spend sitting in drudgerous meetings with other Corporate Executives discussing things we can do so we don’t lose our jobs. You can be a Corporate Executive too and get paid less than your male colleagues because you don’t have a penis.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Construction Worker.  I help build roads and bridges and buildings. Construction work is very hard and very physical and I work mostly with a bunch of pig-headed men who think they are sexy, but are really just sexist morons. You can be a Construction Worker too and work very hard and develop debilitating back and leg problems.  Then you can be on disability.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Financial Advisor.  I help people manage and invest the money they earn. Mostly I take calls from people whose entire retirement savings vanished when the U.S. financial system collapsed.  Then I help them invest the piddly amount of money they are earning from the job they had to take at the local Wal-Mart. You can be a Financial Advisor too and watch people’s money disappear and maybe even start a Ponzi scheme.  Then you can go to prison.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Day Care Center Worker.  I take care of people’s children during the day so they can work to pay off all of the debt they have accrued on their 4000 square foot house and their new BMW and their flat-screen TV’s. Sometimes I’m called a pre-school teacher, but mostly I just chase bratty kids around and change shitty diapers and wipe snotty noses.  You can be a Day Care Center Worker too and take care of children whose parents are too self-absorbed to take care of them on their own.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a School Cafeteria Cook. I prepare and serve food at the elementary school. The kids at school call me “the Lunch Lady” and they complain about the food that we serve.  I call them disrespectful thugs and hooligans whose parents are trailer trash and who should be glad they are getting tax-payer subsidized food from the public schools. You can be a School Cafeteria Cook too and wear a nice hair-net. Then you can be laid-off because of state budget cuts.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Clerk at the Dollar Store.  I have to stock and sell crap merchandise that is all imported from China and other third world countries.  Sometimes I get to run the cash register.  I have to work at the Dollar Store because there are no decent jobs left in the United States since we don’t manufacture anything anymore.  You can be a Clerk at the Dollar Store too and get paid minimum wage and partake in the precipitous decline of the United States economy.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is an Administrative Assistant. That’s just a big word for Secretary. I work in an office and answer phones and type memos and complete other office work for a man who mostly just sits on his worthless ass and drinks coffee and orders people around. You can be an Administrative Assistant too and wear sexy boob shirts and tight skirts and someday maybe your boss will have sex with you.  Then you can get a nice promotion and have a corner office with windows.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Flight Attendant. I work on an airplane and take care of the passengers that are flying someplace.  I get to say the same safety speech several times each day to passengers that don’t give a rat’s ass and aren’t even listening.  I have high level training in flight safety and first aid and medical procedures, but most people just think of me as the lady that serves them drinks.  You can be a Flight Attendant too and travel all over to crap cities that no one really wants to visit and sleep in nasty airport hotels.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Writer.  I write romance novels which are like love stories but with lots of trashy sex and infidelity.  I make truck-loads of money because lots of woman purchase and read my books so they can temporarily forget how crappy their own marriage is and that their husbands are overweight, beer swilling losers.  You can be a Writer too and write romance novels and then sometimes you can write about Vampires and Werewolves that like to have sex with regular people.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Waitress.  I serve food and drinks at a restaurant to people who come in for lunch or dinner.  Mommy didn’t have to work until Daddy left me for some floozie bitch that he met at work.  You can be a Waitress too and get paid less than minimum wage and have to rely on tips to make a decent living, even though most people are too fucking cheap to even leave 15%.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is an Architect. I draw designs for buildings and houses that people want to build.  I went to college for a long time and spent an obscene amount of money so that I could learn to design incredible, awe-inspiring sky-scrapers. Now I get to work 80 hours a week designing strip malls and shitty, low-end cookie-cutter housing developments that are built on land that used to be beautiful farms.  You can be an Architect too and never see your family again.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Librarian.  I help people check out books and look up information that they need.  I spend most of my time monitoring unattended children and homeless street people who come inside to get warm and drink the free coffee. I also get to throw out patrons that use our computers to look at porn. You can be a Librarian too and pretty soon the internet will make your job obsolete.  Then you can be a street person and walk around looking for a place to get free coffee.

Mommy, Mommy, what do you do?

Mommy is a Stay-At-Home-Mom.  I stay home during the day and take care of you even though I’d rather be at work earning a living and interacting with adults.  Sometimes I spend all day doing laundry and wondering how our family could have so much fucking clothing. Other days I spend picking up toys that you have left all over the floor.  You can be a Stay-At-Home-Mom too and work harder than anyone else in the whole wide world.

See, there’s lot of exciting things you can do to earn a living when you grow up.

THE END