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Sheen-ism’s

Okay, it’s time to climb on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon.

This post got Freshly Pressed the other day:

The Charlie Sheen Guide to Passing a Job Interview

It’s a great post and I think the author deserved the recognition. Until I read it though I hadn’t even really been following the Sheen saga, I’m not much of a TV watcher, but after reading the quotes, I gotta admit I think I kinda like the guy even though he’s acting pretty screwy right now. I like his attitude and his mojo… seriously! I hope he can figure his life out and get back to work.

But until then, I thought I would compare his quotes to what I would have said if I had been asked the same questions. It’s amazing how similar and different we are… at the same time.  Here ya go…

Sheen-ism: I’m bi-winning. I win here. I win there.

Steve-ism: I’m bi-awesome. I’m awesome here and I’m awesome there… and maybe a little bi-polar.

Sheen-ism: I’m proud of what I created. It was radical. I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they’re never going to see in their boring normal lives.

Steve-ism: I’m proud of what I created. My blog is radically hysterical. I expose people to goat shit and BOOBS and talking horses. I just need to make shit up to help me work through my boring, normal life.

Sheen-ism: Sometimes sleep is for infants. I don’t sleep. I wait. When I can’t sleep I don’t fight it. I just figure that there’s a higher calling.

Steve-ism: I wish I could sleep like an infant, like every couple of hours lie down and sleep for a while… you know, wrap up in a bunch of blankets, drool on shit…yeah, that would kick some serious ass. Plus throw in a good 8-10 at night… yeah,  seriously… serious ass.

Sheen-ism: I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen!’ It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

Steve-ism: I’m on a drug. It’s called ‘Steve Warner!’ You can buy it cheap at the corner of Brown Road. Sometimes it’s a stimulant and sometimes it’s depressive. Mostly it makes you think you’re much more talented than you really are.  Sometimes it makes me think “I’m so handsome, I hope I never die.”

Sheen-ism: I’m a high priest vatican assassin warlock. I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.

Steve-ism: I’m a metrosexual goat keeper psuedo farmer. I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. It’s what happens when you move from Long Island to Michigan.

Sheen-ism: When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it’s like, get with the program dude.

Steve-ism: When you’ve got Irish blood and English DNA, it’s like, get with the program dude, you don’t need that eighth drink!

Sheen-ism:  I’ve been the aw-shucks guy with this bitchin’ rockstar life, so now I’m going to completely embrace it. I’m going to wrap both arms around it and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.

Steve-ism:  I’ve been the bitchin’ rockstar guy with this aw-shucks life, so now I’ve got to just accept that’s the way it is. That kinda sucks, but I guess I’ll just wrap my arms around it and violently try to get over the disappointment.

Sheen-ism:  I’m not [broke] but I was kind of counting on some of that money to get me through the summer. Now I’ve got to like work. But that’s alright. Work’s good. Work fuels the soul.”

Steve-ism:  I make a great living, but if I could just say fuck-it and go all homesteader on y’all, grow a friggin’ unabomber beard, stop showering… yeah that would be good for the soul. But instead I’ve got to like work… that friggin’ blows!

Sheen-ism: You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm.

Steve-ism: You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, stop swearing so fucking much, I can’t handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, like dude, shut the fuck up… your kids are in the room!

Sheen-ism: The past couple weeks has been me cresting on a mercury surfboard, a tsunami toward “THEM”

Steve-ism: The past couple months has me cresting on a blogging rocket ship, hurtling towards INFAMY!

I’ll be checking into rehab shortly….

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