Hey all, its Super Bowl time! As you know, the Super Bowl has become the only sporting event that is celebrated like a National Holiday. Hopefully you get the opportunity to enjoy this amazing event with family and friends. At Brown Road, we always celebrate Super Bowl Sunday with some new tailgate style recipes.
Here’s this year’s menu. We’ve thoroughly tested these recipes over the last week or so to be sure everything runs smoothly and so we could confidently share them with our readers. These recipes can be served with your choice of alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverages.
1.Bill Belichips
Ingredients:
1 lb bag corn flour
2 cups snake oil
Red and blue food coloring
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Put corn flour, snake oil and 12.5 drops each of red and blue food coloring in a large mixing bowl
Quickly and discretely remove 2 drops of red and blue food coloring
Mix thoroughly
Once mixed place flour on counter top and spread thinly with a rolling pin
Cut into triangles and place on baking sheet
Place into oven for 30 minutes
Serve with your favorite salsa or guacamole
2. Pinocchio Breadsticks
Ingredients:
Go to the local Fazoli’s restaurant, order the cheapest thing on the menu and score as many free, unlimited breadsticks as you can carry in your pockets or hand bag
Instructions:
Bring them home and serve in your favorite Pinocchio breadstick dispenser
3. Seahawk Soup
Ingredients:
1 large onion diced
3 large carrots diced
5 stalks celery diced
1 large live Seahawk (you can catch these at the local landfill, they’re really just seagulls)
8 cups water
Instructions:
Mix all ingredients except live seahawk in a large pot and bring to a boil
Bring temperature down to a simmer
Place live Seahawk in pot and cover (similar to how you would cook a lobster)
Let simmer for one hour.
Serve with Pinnochio Breadsticks
4. Crotch Grab Croissants
Ingredients:
1 tsp yeast
½ cup milk
1 tsp sugar
2 cups flour
1 seagull egg
1 tsp each Green and Blue food coloring
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Place all ingredients in a large mixing bowl
Reach down between your legs and hold your junk for 30 seconds like Marshawn Lynch
Without washing your hands, mix all ingredients in the bowl
Shape dough into croissant shapes and place on large baking sheet
Place in oven for 30 minutes
While croissants are cooking, stand in front of oven holding your junk again and repeating over and over “I’m just here so I don’t get fined.” This last step is important to ensure that the food coloring morphs into the proper imagery.
5. Tom Brady Brownies
Ingredients:
Any box brownie mix will do
8 oz premium marijuana
Instructions:
Prepare brownie mix per instructions on box
While preparing brownie mix, smoke one or two bongs of the marijuana
Place about ½ of the remaining marijuana into the brownie mix
Cook brownies per instructions on box
Continue smoking the marijuana
Tom Brady will magically appear on the brownies
Eat all of the brownies
Eat all of the rest of the food in the entire house
Hope you enjoy these fine recipes! Happy Super Bowl! Have fun and as always don’t drink and drive.
The Brown Road Chronicles 
Superbowl, grid iron, its nearly a sport 🙂
Is this some kind of soccer joke? 🙂
I tried the Tom Brady Brownies, but had an unexpected result. Instead of Tom, Marshawn Lynch appeared on the brownies, saying “I’m only here so that I won’t get fined.”
I never watched a Super Bowl in my life until last year. I did grow up in the Midwest, where football is a religion, but never near a town that had a team in the game. Now we live close to the defending champion Seahawks. Still not sure what they are defending against, so I pretend they are there to protect us from measles.
Ha! Maybe you didn’t measure the marijuana properly?
Either that or Washington-grown pot won’t channel members of an opposing team.
HILARIOUS AND CREATIVE!
🙂 I crack myself up!
That was quite a project! Did you create all the graphics?
Well we prepared all the food, then just took pictures! Nah j/k yes lots of time in Photoshop! It was fun!
Snakeoil? Pinocchio? Just what are you trying to say here, Steve??
And I’ll take three of the Brady brownies, please.
Oh yeah, you’re probably a Pats fan, huh?
OMG. They ARE seagulls. That never crossed my mind. Wow. You just blew my mind. *eats another brownie*
Its a well kept secret. The part about the seahawk, not about the brownies. Lots of people know about the brownies. 🙂
Reblogged this on Odds & Ends from Ermigal and commented:
Hello Ermigal Readers!
Some Good news/bad news: I’ve recovered from the unfortunate corn dog food poisoning incident at Clown School in Hialeah, Florida but the administrators wouldn’t allow me to do independent study to fulfill the requirements. So, I’ll be heading north–sans diploma– on a handcar with Lolly the Cook, who was let go after all the kerfuffle. (Lolly “found” the vintage handcar at the Barnum & Bailey Museum.) So while you folks are watching the Super Bowl, we two gals will be chugging along while singing railroad ditties. We figure we’ll cross the Mason-Dixon Line by mid-week. Talk about being ridden out of town on a rail!
Enjoy this entertaining post from The Brown Road Chronicles, a wonderful blog about country life, dirt roads, raising kids and other amusing tales. Check out these very creative recipes for your Super Bowl gathering!
Now this is real cooking!