Sorry I had to jump on the bandwagon. With the recent hyper-activity of SPAM followers going around WordPress and with no noticeable solution on the horizon, I figured I would take the situation into my own hands. So, here’s a post that hopefully will deter some of the Spammer’s out there from clicking my subscribe button.
Ten Reasons You Shouldn’t SPAM Follow Me:
10. I don’t have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I will admit to having suffered with hemorrhoids occasionally but definitely not Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Sometimes the morning after drinking too much I feel like I might have it, but that usually goes away in a few hours.
9. I don’t need any more credit cards. I have enough of those and I typically pay them off every month. I appreciate your concern with my financial well-being but so far I am in good shape with only moderate amounts of debt. I’m sort of old-fashioned too. You would have had better luck if you had sent me an envelope with one of those cool, fake credit cards in it. That would have piqued my interest a little more than you following a blog about goats and such.
8. I don’t speak any languages that fall in the categories of Asian or Arabic or even European. I especially don’t speak Indonesian-ese. See, I don’t really know what language they even speak in Indonesia, but seems I have become a popular blog in that region. In fact, I’ll admit that I really don’t even know where Indonesia is and if it’s a country or just a region, or perhaps just an area. I only speak English and even that I struggle with sometimes.
7. I’m not a believer in God or really anything religious. If you were subscribing to my blog so that I might join your legion of brainwashed followers, well sorry, you’re definitely wasting your time. Why I haven’t been struck down by lightning yet, in the 45 years I’ve been around is a popular question.
6. I don’t buy much clothing and I’ve never, ever bought myself a women’s purse or women’s jewelry. That’s not really my thing. In my younger days, I did used to be a little bit metro-sexual, but the whole country life has kind of kicked that in the ass. In fact I haven’t even purchased new underwear in several years. I’m not really the best candidate for your retail operations.
5. In a similar vein, other than my wedding band, I don’t wear any Men’s jewelry either, especially a watch. I understand that there are a lot of really cool, imitation watches out there, that would perhaps make me look like I am very important and wealthy. But I just find that I don’t really need a watch anymore. See, I have my phone and it tells me the time all day long. In fact I think it pulls the time from somewhere up in outer space, where I guess there’s some kind of super clock that is always right. I don’t really know how it works but it’s very smart and it even knows when to change to daylight savings time, which is pretty cool. So, that’s working out pretty well for me.
4. I’m not much of a dieter. Especially healthy diets. If your diet plan consists of pasta, hot dogs, wine and other food that comes from a box, including the wine, then perhaps I might be more interested.
3. I’m not in a position right now to be buying any new appliances. I will share with you that our dishwasher broke down about five years ago and we’ve never replaced it. We just do our dishes the old-fashioned way, in the sink with a brush and a sponge. Our Microwave just recently started acting up, not turning on and other strange behaviors. But we discovered that if you hit the side of it pretty hard, that seems to usually get it back on track. I think I’ll just keep doing that for a while.
2. This blog is not that popular. I know I like to toot my own horn and pretend that it’s very popular, but I still haven’t even reached the 500 subscriber mark. Now, I will admit that number is increasing exponentially with the recent influx of followers, but of those that are actually subscribed I think there are probably only about 30 that are reading actively. There’s probably other blogs that might be more lucrative for you. Perhaps you could find a good blog written by an Indonesian Credit Card Salesman who suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
1. Frankly its CREEPING ME THE FUCK OUT! This is a personal blog, GO THE FUCK AWAY!
The Brown Road Chronicles 
Sounds like you’re under some real financial stress.
Here, sign up for a free credit card!
Please feel free to message directly if you’d like not to be followed. I do enjoy many bloggers here, and would not mean to cause offense.
Umm perhaps you didn’t get the joke? WordPress is having issues with SPAM followers subscribing to people’s blogs. If you are not a spammer than you’re okay!
Oh my, I’m laughing. I respect people’s privacy and thought perhaps I’d infringed upon it. Whew. Thanks for the clarity. Yet another example of how I lead me to laugh at me.
Welcome to the bandwagon. Did you bring the potato salad?
I’m feeling a little suspicious. Are you trying to sell me potato salad?!? 🙂
Act now, don’t delay, supplies are running out! Order in the next 5 minutes and get a bonus tub of cole slaw guaranteed to increase your IQ by 10 points or possibly your bladder capacity 🙂 Can you believe any of the tactics to sell crap actually work? Crazy! Your post cracked me up.
Some bloggers have all the luck. I never get a bonus tub of cole slaw.
You have to join the quick clicker club to get that!
Dammit! I knew my laziness at clicking would ruin my chances of ever getting free cole slaw. Well, that’s it. I give up blogging now.
Dammit! I knew my laziness at clicking would ruin my chances of ever getting free cole slaw. Well, that’s it. I give up blogging now.
Apparently you were quick enough to post this comment twice! 🙂
I have a little blue pill that will help you with your sexual problems, it has a harding effect,
Only £40.00 for 20, contact me anytime for help.
Ha! Harry you were in my Comment Spam filter! Can’t talk about little blue pills without getting caught!
Bloody wordpress and their bloody spam filter I can’t comment anywhere for four days.
Well you can always use an alias like ” my little chopper ” when ordering 🙂
C’mon now! I just got a follow from SexyLingerieSuppliers! What’s not to love there, Steve?
By the way, I loved your number one reason. Sadly, IrritibleBowelBlog is not going to read this post to find out you want them to go the fuck away.
Darn, they haven’t found me yet. Maybe tomorrow!
Popularity is a bitch.
Popularity? With the number of people talking about this I’m not sure I’m any more popular than the rest of spamees! Is that a word?!?
I’ve come to assume that the religious followers of my blog are just looking for someone to pray for. I hope. Otherwise, I’m very confused, and perhaps a bit freaked-out.
Hey I never thought of it that way. They’re looking out for us!!
Great post. It made me laugh! I’m not a creeper troll! Just started following your blog. I like your blog and I read the posts. Really.
I bet if we compared we’d find we’re getting the same SPAM trolls. Odd uses of the English language and comments that have nothing to do with any of my posts. A lot are coming from Facebook/Russia and go off about religion and rattle on about how good my page looks. It’s a WordPress template you moron. One Indonesia guy kept spamming me about gay marriage and how I’m going to hell. Last check my husband was still a man and still straight. I even write about him in my blog. Lately there have been comments for Vicki telling her how they agree and find my blog useful with their work (the comments were on posts about ghosts and vampires). Who the F is Vicki?
Sorry I don’t know who Vicki is but apparently she is either a ghost or a vampire??
She isn’t cool enough to be a Vampire or a Ghost. Maybe just another Troll.
Wait, what? I haven’t noticed this happening. What do they say?
There has been this gigantic influx over the past few weeks of blogs getting subsribers that are basically spam blogs, advertising and other nonsense. Ive been getting 5 or so new subscriptions a day! Sorry but I’m not that interesting. This is all over WP, not just here at BRC.
I wish you could stop the ones who keep wanting to help enlarge my penis. Um… I don’t even HAVE a penis!
I’ve heard that about you. 🙂
“Soon after all, there is a show known as ‘Python Hunters’ where they may be at liberty to track down the snakes ahead of the everglades are absolutely destroyed as a habitat….”
For real. This is my latest stuff. It’s from a place that has to do with snakes. Seriously. Have you ever seen me write about snakes? I mean, real ones? Not the ones that hang out in your trousers. I hate these SPAMBOTS. I used to feel good about my followers. Now, my numbers are all inflated. Le sigh.
Yes I agree! My follower numbers are quickly becoming skewed also. All kidding aside, I’m actually kind of fed up that WordPress hasn’t acknowledged this issue is rampant over the last few weeks and THAT THEY DON’T SEEM TO GIVE A FUCK!
What???? Here I thought people were just being super kind and helpful by introducing me to things I suspect are illegal here in North America- what would I do without you farmerman?
I am pretty helpful, huh?
You are and you don’t get paid enough for this blog – so here let me help you. If you act now and subscribe to…
I thought it was just me being skeptical but now it’s not just me! I seem to be receiving lots of followers and commenters who think I am a man and it was weirding me out, now I know that they are equal opportunity spammers! Thanks for the clarification!
Just realized this comment looks like spam because that first sentence doesn’t even make sense! Obviously I’ve been reading too many of my followers comments…
Ha! Figured you were okay. 🙂 Besides its not really the comments that are the biggest problem. Askimet seems to weed out the junk pretty well. It’s the fake followers that have inundated the WP platform the last couple of weeks. Thanks for stopping by!
So that’s what’s going on. I keep getting what I think is the same new follower, posting under different names, but when I check out “her” blog, even though the posts seem sort of “real,” something seems, je ne sais. . . . . .off. And the pictures of her seem sort of stock photography — and very similar at that. I thought I had a stalker. Wait, is it a stalker spammer?!? Holy Mutant Internet Creepies!
Something’s definitely going on, not really sure what!! But yes… Holy Mutant Internet Creepies!
I really enjoyed this. Your site is very original. I did notice you could get a lot more response if you had better use of SEO. If you used our SEO PLUG-IN your search results could triple…OR MORE!!! For a 30-year trial (money-back guaranteed) just register at http://www.mxyzptlk,com. (I don’t offer this for just anyone.)
I get that comment in my Spam filter all the time. I still have no idea what SEO Is??
Search Engine Optimization. Make them readers line up like robots, or zombies.”Must read…must reeead!”
Mikey I clicked that link and its dead, it must have been a spammer.
Oh NO! You released Superman’s interplanetary gremlin nemesis, Mr. Mxyzptlk!!! (Now we have to trick him into spelling his own name backwards. I wondered if anyone would click that…)
YIKES!!
You might like Spam after watching this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y
LOL Classic Python!
I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago – it’s been nuts, gaining 200+ followers in a couple of weeks and 198 of them are spammers. Renders those stats meaningless. This post caught my eye, but I’ve been breezing through several of your posts and really enjoyed them. Legit new follower!
Hi Michelle. Thanks for visiting and subscribing. This is horribly frustrating to me and nothing seems to be changing. I guess maybe it’s being worked on, who the hell knows. But until then our subscriber numbers are permanently f’d up. Maybe this is just the new reality of blogging and I have to get used to it. Ugh!
I know! What the hell is going on? I just got notice of Amazon subscribing to my blog. My first thought was, “Hey…alright!” Then I realized it was just some random site promoting breast enhancement cream. And, we all know that stuff doesn’t work, right? 😉
I can’t say that I’ve tried it, but I’d venture to agree with you that it probably doesn’t work.
The spammers prey on victims like me – not computer savvy and figure something is not quite right waaay after I should! Take a look at some tips on this link. Totally stumbled on this site awhile a go. Super helpful. Not spam, promise!!
http://bloggingwithamy.com/wordpress-attack/
Uh HUH! I’ve wondered about a few of my recent followers, but didn’t know there was a trend happening.
I love the spam comments that tell me my blog is riddled with spelling errors and is really hard to read – or the ones in foreign languages that are about 1,000 words – just love them.
The ones telling me I hit the nail on the top are good too – and repetitive.
OK – going to check out my new followers now, maybe they aren’t real! 😥
Hey, 30’s a pretty good number isn’t it? I mean who really sees your blog except other bloggers and how many of us have time to read more than a few? I think that makes you wildly successful!
I am so fed up about this issue. I am so sick of fake followers and spam followers. I believe over half of my followers are fake, probably more like three quarters of them are fake spam-followers.
Worse are the follow-back spammers, WP bloggers who go around following any and every single *#(*%&Y#&’ing blog that exists just to get naive idiots to come back to their site and increase traffic and follow-backs and comments for them. They have absolutely NO interest in your site whatsoever and will never visit your site ever again, if they even visited in the first place.
I really think that people use an automated program to just go around following hundreds and hundreds, even THOUSANDS of WP sites. The telltale sign of a follow-back spammer is someone whose about page is solely and entirely filled with comments from naive suckers falling all over themselves effusively gushing, thanking the blogger for “following” their blog.
If someone’s about page is COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY composed of people thanking them for “following” them, it SICKENS me, it makes me so angry. Something is really wrong. #*(@*&Y$%& I’m so angry about this bleeping issue of fake followers, spam followers, and WP follow-back spammers! UGH! I’ve posted whole threads about this issue in the WP.com forums and the threads were just deleted without ANY notice or explanation. And when I asked why they deleted it, that thread was deleted too. WP doesn’t give a rat’s *bleep* about this issue at all!
And also the like spammers. Don’t even get me started on the *bleeping* *bleep* *bleeping* like spammers! I’ve had to turn off all likes on my blog and delete all tags and categories on my blog so presumably the like spammers would then be unable to like my posts (b/c they wouldn’t appear in the reader without tags or categories, presumably), and I STILL get *bleeping* like spammers “liking” my posts!!! UGH!
I report each and every single one of these “like” and “follow” spammers and fake and spam “followers” to WP for spam activity, but only one or two are ever taken down by WP. We used to be able to report their gravatars for spam activity too but now no gravatar has the report for spam link anymore. So they took that away from us too.
I’ve also had the “follow by email” widget eliminated from my blog for a long time now and I still get more fake followers all the time.
WP refuses to do anything about this issue and refuses to give us ANY control over our followers AT ALL, not even an “approve followers” button. They refuse to allow us to delete any existing followers. My “followers” are now totally meaningless. I don’t want to be blogging for a bunch of spammers and egotistical self-promoting scumbags and have them receiving each of my posts by email. I’m really getting sick of this. The quality of my audience has gone down completely and every single day I get more and more spam and fake followers. I’m so sick of this. So so so sick of this and of WP’s refusal to do anything about this problem which is becoming more and more rampant on WP every day.
Sorry for the long comments, I’m just so SICK AND TIRED of these scumbags and opportunistic *bleepholes* following my blog, and of having to report every single day like 1 to 10 spam followers on my blog. Its really making me wonder whats the point anymore, why blog anymore, its just not worth it anymore. Whats the point of working so hard on a post and no one gives a rat’s *bleephole*, no one notices and no one cares, I get a lot of pat on the back superficial comments and then I get flooded with dozens of spam followers and spam likers too!
Again sorry for the long comments, I would understand if you didn’t want to post them. Thank you.
Soooo…. how do you really feel? 🙂 just kidding, I agree with every word of this. Worst part is no solution from WordPress and I guess no interest in finding a solution. I’m still getting 3-5 new a day. Some seem at least to be legitimate bloggers, but why they’d have any interest in me makes NO sense. Good for you for reporting the spammers, I gave up after a few days of that…