I’m pretty sure there is a dead monster in my truck. I can tell from the horrid odor that recently began wafting out when I open the door in the mornings. I think his dead monster carcass is decomposing somewhere inside and producing this horrible stench. I’ve looked around, but I can’t figure out where he died. I know it’s a monster, because only a decomposing monster could produce such a dreadful smell. I don’t know the lifespan of a monster, but I figure I have owned the truck for roughly seven years so I can only venture to guess it’s around seven years. The horrible smell of his decomposing body is starting to become overwhelming. Once I’m inside and the vents are turned on and the air circulates the smell begins to dissipate and it’s not as noticeable. It’s just when the door first opens, especially in the mornings. The vile stench will knock your socks off, burn the hair from your nostrils. It has to be a dead monster, there is no other explanation!
I have never seen this ghastly monster in all the years driving my truck. I suspect he was born when the first drop of sticky juice or soda-pop splashed to the floor. Of course, because I have never seen him I can only speculate a vision of what he probably looked like… a hideous, disfigured mess of rot and filth, grown over seven long years of driving children to school and to their after-school activities. I imagine his body was made out of paper plates, grease stained from holding a multitude of breakfast foods, chocolate donuts and pop-tarts eaten on the drives to school each morning. His arms and legs, of course, long, scrawny, greasy strings of McDonald’s French Fries, connected together with salty ligaments so they moved and clicked like a skeleton’s bones. I’ll bet his creepy, deformed monster face was an Eggo waffle, half-soaked in maple syrup, dripping from those little waffle-iron squares, and most-likely frightfully pock-marked with chocolate chips. There was probably a big bite or two out of one side, maybe one of his grisly eyes was even missing. His other eye, the one that was still there… and his nose… probably Cheerios, stale and crusty. His mouth a Pixy-Stick wrapper, toothless and coated in leftover sugar. His clothes he must have fashioned out of discarded napkins and granola bar wrappers… maybe even a few snotty filled tissues. His shoes, of course were leftover all-white-meat chicken Mcnuggets, dreadfully stained with ketchup. Because his legs were so long and thin and feeble, he probably walked with a cane, craftily built from popsicle and lollipop sticks, assembled together with the sticky, gooey, sugar-glue that was leftover on the ends of each stick. He was probably always damp and muddy, soaked from the dirty water dripping off of boots and shoes… and moldy from head to foot, green and black fuzzy mold, creeping up and down his heinous, stenchy, paper-plate-french-fry body.
Disgusting, hideous, horrible… and he was living in my truck!
But now I believe he has finally passed, checked-out, kicked the bucket. His monster spirit has gone to that better place where dead monster spirits go. But his dead, smelly, decomposing body still inhabits my vehicle. I know… I know it’s there… somewhere… because of that abhorrent smell that permeates the truck cabin when I get in. Maybe he’s under the front seats, or in the storage area underneath the bench seat in the back. Or maybe, he is just spread amongst the trash and filth that covers the floor mats where the kids sit. I just don’t know, but I need to figure it out so I can get rid of the smell… and maybe, just maybe, this would be a good time to get the truck professionally cleaned!
The Brown Road Chronicles 
Years ago, I bought a turkey for Christmas Dinner. I unloaded groceries but couldn’t find it. A 17lbs turkey is hard to lose! I assumed it never made it into my car. In May, the was an ungodly stench coming from the back of my van. I was sure there was a dead and rotting elephant carcass back there. We found the missing turkey in the wheel well.
Good luck! Professional Detailers couldn’t even get the stench out. I sold it. 😐
It lasted 5 months? It must have been freezing!!! Clearly May is Spring- haha. Mmwaah.
LOL… that is too funny. We have had stuff come up missing from grocery store visits, but no, never a turkey!!
Imagine what a perfect kid’s story this coudl be turned into Steve? I can see the paintings now….. i think you put your hand to it.
xx
It’s funny… there is a couple that lives about 1/2 hour from me in another town, David Small and Sarah Stewart. They are well known kids book authors and he is an extremely talented illustrator. Books like Imogene’s Antlers, The Money Tree, etc. They’ve collaborated on many well-known award winning books. As I was describing this monster, which I am still pretty sure is in the truck somewhere… I thought it sure would be cool to have someone like Mr. Small available to illustrate the images in my head. As for me… my art skills are okay but not illustration material!
Funny! Yes, I wrote a story like this when my son was little–about all the fast food and snacky things that had escaped into the dark corners of my car starting a revolution. I can’t remember what the revolution was about??
Would love to read it if you can ever track it down again!!
That is great…another great kid book like nakedbokkie said & like I said on the goats. You have a talent man! I’m glad that monster never got into my truck…I drove it off of the showroom floor back in 96 brand new & still drive it to this day….can you imagine that smell? LOL!
Nice job, I’m all for keeping an automobile as long as it still runs well… and you can get a lot of years out of a truck… more than a car! Just keep it cleaned up, and the monster will stay away!!
LOL. Now I know why some people almost get a fit if kids, or anyone else for that matter, eat in their cars.
Great imagination, Steve! I now have such a clear picture of your monster in my mind’s eye that I can well imagine him spilling a drop of milk while kicking that bucket 😉 Hope you find his remains soon!
I had a pretty clear picture too, wish I could draw better!
It’s a wonder we didn’t have one of those monsters living in our (late) Corolla…we cleaned it out before selling it to my son-in-law, and filled two recycling bags with pop cans and bottles, and a full garbage bag of trash, including dead chicken nuggets and other fast food relics (Jim’s commute to work is an hour-and-a-half each way).
I agree with the other folks who said it might make a good kids’ book!
Wendy
I think we’ve all been there but than again I know folks whose cars are always spotless, even people with kids. Amazing!! Guess I better get working on turning this into a full story!!