When the moment is right, where's the bathtub?

I don’t understand those Cialis commercials.  Cialis is, you know, one of those erectile dysfunction medications that you see advertised everywhere that your pre-pubescent children are sure to be watching… like during some wholesome movie on the Family Channel, or behind the backstop of a professional baseball game or on the sidebar of their Facebook page.

I understand Erectile Dysfunction.  We’ll actually I don’t really understand it… in fact I can’t imagine that is even a possibility in life.  But I understand that it is a problem that lots of men face and I guess I am glad there are options out there to treat it.  Thankfully I don’t have a problem getting a… uh… you know… uh… yeah… that… 

No, what I don’t understand is the whole bathtub thing.  It’s not even the conundrum that the two people are in separate tubs and clearly not going to be able to consummate any kind of a relationship until one of them climbs into the other’s tub.  I hear people say that all the time, “why aren’t they in the same tub”, with complete disregard to the fact that these folks happen to be sitting in clawfoot tubs that are strategically placed out on their porch or in their garden… or even occasionally out on the beach.

During some renovations of our house several years ago, with my brothers help, I had to carry a clawfoot tub up a set of stairs to our upstairs master bedroom.  Those things are really frickin’ heavy… they are cast iron, you know!  The tub was in the back of my truck having just been at the refinisher’s shop and I had picked it up, and now we had to somehow get it up stairs.  After a few minutes of frightful stalling, we said “what the hell”, each grabbed an end and started carrying it… first to the front door… then through the front door and straight up the stairs.  I don’t remember which one of us was at the front of the tub, walking backwards up the steps, hunched over with our vertebrae ready to give way and feebly grasping the edge with our fingers, hoping that it wouldn’t slip… and which one of us was at the back end of the tub, bearing the brunt of the weight, hoping that the guy at the top wouldn’t let go.  Regardless, we got it upstairs… and in hindsight I don’t think I’ve ever carried anything that heavy that distance.

So, I don’t think the marketing guys at Cialis understand how much a clawfoot tub actually weighs.  And I surely don’t think two people trying to get a little lovin’ are going to lift two of them and place them around their house or out on the deck and especially all the way out to the beach.  C’mon, that’s what lawn chairs are for!