When did I become such a crybaby?
I know… sometimes I post stuff that might make you think I am an insensitive ass… but…
The other night we were sitting outside and my daughter was playing music on her iHome which is basically a dock for her iPod with an outside speaker. I wasn’t really paying attention to the songs, but at one point heard pieces of a song that was mostly acoustic guitar and a nice female voice and that always tends to catch my ear. A while later I asked her what the song was and she skipped back a few and we eventually tracked it down.
The song was “The House That Built Me” by Miranda Lambert. My daughter played it again and I liked it because of the guitar fingerpicking, but I didn’t really listen to the words at first. I asked her to play it again and this time listened a little closer. It’s basically about someone that goes back to the house they grew up in as a kid. You can listen to it if you want. Maybe you’ve heard it already.
The song made me tear up. Yeah, seriously, it did! Then my daughter was trying to talk to me and I had to hide my face in my blackberry. Of course I’d had like eight drinks so my “drunken sorority girl that’s like just been dumped by a totally hot guy she met a week ago” emotional buttons had been pushed. You’re surprised? Go listen to the song and see if it doesn’t make cry you heartless sociopath!
Anyway, I used to be a pretty stoic guy. I could sit and watch a sad movie and be completely untouched. My wife on the other hand would cry at everything, movies, news stories, hallmark commercials, whatever… it never took much. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. There’s nothing wrong with being emotional, I think its okay. In fact, it’s probably healthy! But, not me, I’d sit there and watch them haul “Old Yeller” into the back field and shoot him and not shed a tear.
Not anymore…
Now stuff makes me cry all the time. Movies, books, songs, even the damn McDonalds commercial with the Apple Tree song! In fact, I’m pretty confident that these days any time I hear sad violin music playing I am going to start to cry whether I am watching a movie or not. I’m beginning to wonder if I need to ask my doctor about Testosterone Replacement Therapy if there is such a thing or maybe have my tear ducts removed. I try to fight it, the tears, the lip quivering, the sobbing and sniffling… but I just can’t hold it back anymore. Now when we watch a movie with the kids my wife and I will sit there balling our eyes out and the kids look at us like, “dudes, seriously, it’s just the Sponge Bob movie, what is wrong with you two!”
I’m not sure when things changed. I suspect it has something to do with having and raising kids and the emotional responsibilities that comes with that. But I don’t know, I guess it’s been some kind of a growth process, something that comes with aging and seeing loved ones pass and knowing that my kids are growing up and won’t be living with us much longer.
Regardless, here I am, like a guy at an AA meeting saying “Hi, I’m Steve, and even though I have spent months and months developing this image of me being this kind of rugged, handsome Marlboro Man, on my ranch, caring for wild mountain goats and tending fences and doing other manly stuff, now I’m going to come clean.” Awhile back my family sat around one evening and watched Toy Story 3. My wife and I cried like babies! Yep, you heard me right, TOY STORY 3! At the end, Andy turns over all his toys to another kid. Tears were flowing, tissues were flying, snot was dripping. Disturbing…
After the movie I opened my Facebook account and posted “should I be concerned that I just watched Toy Story 3 and cried like a baby?”
I won’t share the responses…
The Brown Road Chronicles 