The Monkey Money Collector

It’s county fair week around us.  Ah, yes, the county fair, where idyllic rural farm life meets the crazed mania of the Midway, where you can watch a tractor pull, dance to some bluegrass music and win your kid a giant stuffed animal, where you can dine on delicious but overpriced Italian sausage sandwiches, corn dogs, caramel apples and elephant ears, all delivered fresh from portable trailer restaurants, where you can walk through barns full of horses and cows and cattle and pigs and goats and sheep and rabbits all raised by proud 4-H kids, where you can see giant alligators and other reptiles and where you can “people watch” folks from all walks of life.  It’s the county fair and it’s an all-American tradition.

We have been attending the same county fair for the 16 years that we have lived in our house. We don’t make it every year, but we have most.  Sometimes, like this year we will go twice.  A friend of my daughters was showing her horse in the riding competitions and we spent Sunday afternoon watching her and walking through the barns and looking at the animals. We hope our daughter will be riding in these same competitions next year. Later this week we will go back for an evening and ride the rides and eat cotton candy and elephant ears.

At this particular fair, as people walk the main pathway from the barns over to the midway and back, somewhere in the middle, just past the grandstand, they have typically come upon a large congregation of people standing in a half circle and watching something. Often there are kids in the front row and adults squatting down.  From the back it’s tough to see what is going on, to see what all these spectators are riveted on.  Pushing through, however, one can finally witness the strange event that has drawn this crowd of onlookers.

There, facing the crowd is a tall, gangly and scraggly looking man, dressed in an old tattered suit that has seen better days. The man looks tired as if Fair life has worn him down. He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t smile or perform any tricks. He doesn’t speak or show any emotion, he just stands there… for he is not the performer.  In front of this man, on a thin string-like leash is a monkey, dressed as well, in a charming little vest and shorts and a hat with a string around his chin, and he is working this crowd of kids and adults hard. But he is not juggling, he is not opening and eating a banana, he is not riding a unicycle… nothing like that. He is collecting coins from the spectators.  The people in the front row are reaching into their pockets and grabbing coins and holding them towards the monkey who walks up to them and takes the coins and returns them back to the man in the suit.  Parents are handing coins to their children so that they too can experience this monkey taking coins from their hands. One after another after another, coin after coin after coin.  It’s cute and adorable and weird and sick and twisted… and absolutely brilliant!

It’s the Monkey Money Collector…

One year while at the fair, after seeing this Monkey Money Collector do his thing, I succumbed to my urges to participate in this bizarre spectacle and I grabbed a quarter out of my pocket and squatted down with anticipation. There we were, that cute little monkey and me, facing each other amongst this crowd of people. I smiled and held my hand out and the monkey saw the bright, shiny quarter. With a gleam in his eye he came running over to me and with his tiny little monkey hand he grabbed the quarter from me. Then he ran back to his owner and gave him the quarter.  Just like that, with only seconds of time having ticked off the clock, I was 25 cents poorer and the man in the suit was 25 cents richer.  He quickly left me and moved onto the next participant. I don’t quite remember, but I’m pretty sure I then handed coins to my kids who in turn gave them to the monkey.

I have to admit, as amusing as the whole concept is to me of training a monkey to take money from people, I have always felt sorry for this little fellow, as I tend to with any animal that I see out of its normal habitat. In hindsight, I suppose he probably has a good life with the strange, un-emotional man who is his keeper.  I’d venture to guess, as well, that this man and his monkey are not living the high-life somewhere, off of the income earned at the county fairs they worked.  But capitalism works in strange ways and somewhere, deep down inside, I hope that they have a decent life.

As my family and I walked through the fair on Sunday, I didn’t see the Monkey Money Collector and I wondered why they weren’t there.  Maybe they just weren’t working this day, or maybe one of them has passed away… or maybe they have retired to a tropical island somewhere! If they are there when we attend later this week, perhaps I’ll search my pockets for a shiny new quarter.

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The Meaning of Life

Ring… ring…

RECORDING:  You have reached the offices of Meaning of Life Industries.  This phone call may be recorded for quality assurance.  Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.  So that we may direct you to the proper department, please select from the following prompts.

Dial 1 if you have questions about religious conceptions of existence, social ties, consciousness and happiness.

Dial 2 if you have questions about the pursuit of well-being and the related conception of morality.

Dial 3 if you have questions pertaining to the purpose of life and how it may coincide with the achievement of ultimate reality, or a feeling of oneness, or a feeling of sacredness.

Dial 4 if you have questions arising out of the fundamental disharmony between the individual’s search for meaning and the apparent meaninglessness of the universe.

Dial 5 if you have questions about the premise that the happiness of the individual person is inextricably linked to the well-being of humanity, as a whole, in part, because humans are social animals, who find meaning in personal relations, and because cultural progress benefits everybody living in the culture and which largely translates as ceasing to endlessly reflect on the self, instead of engaging in life and which on the whole results in the therapeutic response that the question of the meaning of life evaporates if one is fully engaged in life.

ME:  Panic…

RECORDING: Or, you may dial zero at any time to speak to a customer service agent.

ME: Dials zero

Ring… ring…

AGENT: Hello, thank you for calling Meaning of Life Industries, this is Raju, can I get your name please.

ME: Steve

AGENT: Hi Steve, how can I help you today?  Do you have a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of life or existence in general?

ME: Ummmm…. no, I’d just like to talk to someone.

AGENT: Okay, I can help you with that.  Are you trying to understand how scientific contributions can focus on describing related empirical facts about the universe?

ME: No… umm… I don’t think so… I’m just feeling kind of lost some days lately.

AGENT: I understand… I’ll be more than happy to help you with that. Are you having questions about the symbolic meaning, ontology, value, purpose, ethics, good and evil, free will, conceptions of God, the existence of God, the soul, or the afterlife?

ME: No… ummm… uhhh… none of those things. I do have a job change coming up…

AGENT: Okay, it would be my sincerest pleasure to help you with that.  Do you find yourself focusing less on humankind’s relationship to God and more on the relationship between individuals and their society?

ME: Uhhh… no… uhh… I’m not sure about that… I write a blog called Brown Road Chronicles and I feel like somehow I should try to take it to the next level… whatever that is.

AGENT: Okay, I am driven with intense joy to help you with that.  We find that is common amongst bloggers, that a lot of them start writing because they are searching for something more meaningful. Let me ask… are you aware that happiness depends upon being self-sufficient and master of one’s mental attitude while suffering is a consequence of false judgments of value, which cause negative emotions and a concomitant vicious character?

ME: Ummm… uhhh… I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that… but my wife thinks maybe I’m just having a little bit of a midlife crisis.

AGENT: Yes, I understand… and I would be incredibly, fantasmically, delighted to help you with that.  Steve, I think maybe we should schedule an appointment for you to have a consultation with one of our Meaning of Life Associates.  Do you have a preference who you’d like to see?

ME: Ummm… no… I don’t know who the choices are.

AGENT: Well, our current staff includes Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Kierkegaard, Epicurus, Nietzsche, Camus and Confucius.

ME: Oh my… I didn’t think all those people were still alive… are those people still alive?

AGENT: No sir, they are not alive… our actual Meaning of Life Associates are… well… we call them “philosopher helpers”… kind of like the Santa Claus you’ve perhaps seen at your local mall.

ME: Oh… okay… well, I don’t know… I guess whoever is available.

AGENT: Okay, good… my whole human consciousness and purpose of life thrives on me helping you with that. We can see who has an open appointment available.  Do you have a preference of which facility you would like to visit… Mt. Everest, Kilimanjaro, Fuji or Kangchenjunga?

ME: Kangchen… what… I’m sorry, what was that last one?

AGENT: Kangchenjunga.

ME: Oh my… where is that?

AGENT: That would be on the border between India and Nepal.

ME: Oh my… ummm… isn’t there anything closer. Don’t you have any offices in Michigan?

AGENT: No, I’m sorry sir, all of our offices are at the tops of mountains. I’m pretty sure there are no mountains in Michigan.

ME: Oh… I see… well, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can get to any of those places… but thank you for your time anyway.

AGENT: Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you sir, if you’d like I can transfer you to our automated Meaning of Life, self-help line.

ME: Okay, I guess that would be alright…

AGENT: I’ll transfer you now, thank you for calling Meaning of Life Industries.

Ring… ring…

RECORDING: You have reached the Meaning of Life Industries automated self-help line.  Due to an overwhelming volume of bloggers calling our lines, we are experiencing excessive delays.  Approximate wait time is ten years.

Or, you may dial zero at any time to speak to a customer service agent….

 

*Thank you to Wikipedia for clarifying what the meaning of life… really means.

 

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As long as you’re with me.

To my wife

If I could live in any place, which place would it be?
Paris, France or Ireland or Southern Italy?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
I’d choose Michigan, right where we’ve been, as long as you’re with me.

If I could live in any house, which house would it be?
A mansion in the mountains or a lighthouse by the sea?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
Our old house, is where I’d espouse, as long as you’re with me.

If I could drive in any car, which car would it be?
A Beamer on the Autobahn or a car in the Grand Prix?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
I’d pick my old truck, with any luck, as long as you’re with me.

If I could float in any boat, which boat would it be?
A paddlewheel on a river or a schooner on the sea?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
An old canoe, would certainly do, as long as you’re with me.

If I could rest in any chair, which chair would it be?
A throne inside a castle or a seat at the symphony?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
Nothing compares, to rocking chairs, as long as you’re with me.

If I could eat any meal, which meal would it be?
Boiled lobster on the beach or hors-d’oeuvres with wine and brie?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
I’d eat a PB&J, on a rainy day, as long as you’re with me.

If I could choose any drink, which drink would it be?
A Margarita by a sunny pool or a fruity Daiquiri?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
I’d just fill up, my coffee cup, as long as you’re with me.

If I could live to any age, which age would it be?
All the way to Ninety or perhaps One Hundred and Three?
Those would be nice, once or twice, but…
Age can’t be guessed, though I’ll be blessed, as long as you’re with me.

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My 100th Post!

Today I am writing my One Hundredth post.
I’m not trying to brag and I’m not trying to boast.
I’d just like to share a short monologue.
To all of the readers that frequent my blog.

Thank you, my friends, for reading these posts.
I’ve written about goats, about BOOBS, about ghosts,
and my house and my truck and my kids and my wife,
and all the great things that happen in life.

I’ve written about topics that make people happy.
I’ve written about topics you likely found sappy.
Some posts have been funny, some posts have been sad.
Perhaps, once or twice, I have made someone mad.

I’ve made friends I suspect I will never be meeting,
in person, instead of while blogging and tweeting.
You’ve read and you’ve “liked” and you’ve commented nicely.
You’ve shared all your feelings and thoughts so precisely.

You’ve made me feel special and oh, so connected.
You’ve welcomed me more than I’d ever expected.
To a place where all of our creativity is nourished.
A place where all of our writing has flourished.

So, I thank you again for reading this blog.
I know that sometimes it can be a time hog.
Thank you for supporting this blog as it grows.
For following along wherever it goes.

I hope you will promise to keep on returning.
And continue to only be mildly discerning.
With that I will tell you that this post is done.
Now on to start writing post One Hundred and One.

Thank you my friends. Your support and friendship
is truly valued! Here’s to another 100 posts!

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