Category Archives: humor

Pro-Tips for Working from Home

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When I’m not out on sales calls I work from a home office. I spend lots of time in my small, roughly 6′ x 10′ office space, surrounded by piles of paper that need to be filed someday. If you’ve suddenly found yourself working from home due to Covid-19, here’s some tips from a pro.

5. All that stuff you’ve read about getting dressed in work clothes to be more productive in your home office is BS. You can work and be just as productive in your pajamas or your underwear if you want, no one really cares. Unless you’re on a Zoom Video Conference call. Then I’d suggest you may want to dress appropriately!

4. When you’re working from home you can take a nap in the middle of the day. Not like putting your head down on your desk or closing your eyes while pretending to type on a keyboard or out in your car in the parking lot. A real nap… in your own bed! Set an alarm for a half hour. Maybe snooze it once. If you’re having a tough day maybe twice. Just remember the clock starts when you start working and it ends when the work is done. You have some freedom in when you put in your “8 hour day” but you also want to be able to turn it off at night.

3. The refrigerator will be calling to you constantly like a shining beacon in the night! Like the Star of Bethlehem leading the Three Wise Men to Jesus! You’ll here it whisper to you, “hey buddy, you haven’t eaten anything in 15 minutes, you must be starving!” You also, due to recent events, likely have five years worth of food rations stocked in your home. This one is on you. Be strong, padlock the fridge and pack a lunch box if you need to.

2. You won’t have your super-annoying colleague around to bother you but there’s infinitely more distractions at home. The TV, Netflix, staring out your office window at the shining sun, taking naps (see #4), yearning to go for a run or a walk or a bike ride, snacking (see #3), the dirty dishes that need to be washed, the home improvement projects you’ve been putting off for 10 years and on and on. Set some goals and guidelines. When you hit those goals take a break… and preferably go burn off the calories from all those snacks you just mowed down!

1. Lastly if you’ve suddenly found that you AND your spouse are BOTH working from home. Hmmmm…. good luck friends, that’s uncharted territory!

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Filed under family, humor, Uncategorized, writing

My New Year’s Resolution

have-to-wake-up-at-6-am-alarm-gif

My New Years Resolution is to no longer try to be a morning person.

It’s not that I haven’t given it the old college try… well, not actually while in college… but I have as an adult.

Nor is it that I don’t particularly like morning people. It’s just that they are way too morning-y for me and they are always doing things in the morning… like talking to me.

My wife is a morning person and I really like her. Except she’s always trying to talk to me early in the morning when we’re both awake. It will be 6:00 am and I’ll be desperately tightening down the tourniquet on my arm for the coffee drip, and she’ll expect me to be able to process difficult and complicated questions like “do you think we should remortgage the house to help pay for college next year, especially since interest rates are hovering in the low single digits?” or “Good morning, how are you?”

I’m not sure she chooses to be a morning person, she just has to get up really early, but somehow once she’s up, she becomes a morning person. There’s probably some kind of complicated common-core math formula that explains how morning people end up marrying non-morning people.

Me, on the other hand, I’ve been trying to be a morning person ever since I can remember having to get up early to the sound of a blaring alarm clock. I don’t typically wake up before about 8:00 am when I let natural sleep take its course. But most weekdays I try to get up between around 6:00-6:30 am. So, if my common core math is right, that’s about two and seven-twelfths to three and four-fifths hours of totally unnatural awake time.

But there’s something glamorous and romantic about the idea of being a morning person, effortlessly getting up at the crack of dawn to work out, or sipping coffee in quiet solitude while you blog or catch up on emails or meditate while the rest of the lowly, unproductive world slumbers away.

Plus, there’s all those articles that pop-up into our Facebook feeds proclaiming how very successful people get up early and get lots accomplished before the sun comes up. People like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs and even Ben Franklin and probably lots of successful authors… all morning people.

6:00 am: June 15, 1752

Ben Franklin (to his wife): “Good morning, how are you? Boy, you look electric this morning!”

Deborah Read Franklin: “Ugh, go fly a kite!”

For years, I’ve had it in my mind that someday I would evolve naturally into a morning person. My mother, when she was alive, was a morning person. She’d get up at crazy hours… mostly because she couldn’t sleep… and accomplish all kinds of stuff with a great attitude and a big bright smile on her face. I probably shouldn’t hope for an insomnia problem, but I always envied that ability in her and figured maybe there would be some kind of genetic factor that would eventually kick in.

But alas, at 48 years old, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s likely just not going to happen.

So, starting in 2016 I will no longer try to be a morning person.

My only concern is, I’m not really a late night person either. I like to be in bed around 10:00 pm. I guess I’m more of a middle of the day person, that’s when I tend to be most productive. But that’s okay because if my common-core math is right that adds up to just about the perfect amount of medically recommended sleep.

And we all know how important getting nine and seven-sixths hours of sleep is each night.

How about you? Morning, noon or night?

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Filed under humor, Uncategorized, writing