Open for Business

Open

Ring… Ring…

“Yo, dis is Joey’s Pumping Service, dis is Joey speakin’. What can I dooz for you today?

Hi… ummm… this is Steve Warner… ummm… just wanted to see if maybe you were open today?

Yo, why da fuck wouldn’t I be open today?

Sorry, just thought maybe because it was a holiday week.

Yeeaaaaah…… no….. I’m open today…. we work every day in dis bidness… there’s always lotsa cleanin’ up ta do. So…. Mr. Warner, what can I dooz for you today? I’m very busy…

Well, I’m not sure, but I think I might have a problem with my tank.

Yeah, okay, we’re da experts in dat department… so what’s goin’ on wit your tank?

Well… ummm… I don’t know but I think maybe it’s full…. there’s stuff kind of bubbling up and oozing out. Like it’s all filled up and overflowing or something…

Yo…. yeah…. dat’s a problem…. dats all da piss and vinegar.

Excuse me…?

Yeah, don’t you worry about dat Mr. Warner, dat’s just an expression we use in da bidness…. so Mr. Warner… what else is goin’ on?

We’ll there’s kind of a smell…

Ha, ha, ha… yeah, I’ve heard dat before too. Dat’s all da bullshit…

Ummm… excuse me?!?

Yeah, dat’s all da bullshit… it’s overflowin’ with da bullshit and the piss and vinegar… but don’t you worry about dat… we can getchu fixed right up good.

So… you can help?

Naaahh…. you don’t need me Mr . Warner… but I know someone dat can help… you just hold on for a second and I’ll transfer you.

Ring… Ring…

“WordPress Technical Support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?”

A writer’s brain is kind of like a big septic tank, all full of bullshit and piss and vinegar. Every day, more thoughts and ideas are flushed into that oozing, gurgling, swirling, soggy mess filling our heads. All of the stuff we experience in our lives, the stuff we see and do and hear, all the thoughts that cross our mind, all the things other people do and say, all the stuff we dream about and long for and all the stuff we accomplish and leave behind, it sits in our brains and ferments until eventually it needs to come back out in some form of written word. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter and Instagram are like the bacteria swimming in the tank and struggling to eat up all the ideas, running around like a frantic team of workers in white Haz Mat suits… with the brain screaming orders.

“C’MON PEOPLE, WE DON’T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY… THIS PLACE IS FILLING UP FAST! MOVE ALL THOSE IDEAS OVER TO SECTION ONE, THEY’RE PRETTY GOOD BUT THEY STILL NEED TO FERMENT SOME MORE… WHO IS RUNNING SECTION TWO, THAT PLACE IS A GODDAMN SHITHOLE… FUCKING USELESS STUFF OVER THERE… JUST BURY IT UP… IT WILL NEVER BE WORTH ANYTHING! ARE YOU PEOPLE EVEN LISTENING TO ME? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE ALL JUST STANDING AROUND. GODDAMN, YOU JUST CAN’T GET GOOD HELP ANYMORE! MOTHER FUCK, HERE COMES SOME MORE… DOES THIS STUFF EVER STOP POURING IN? I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH MONEY FOR THIS… FORGET IT, JUST PUT IT ALL IN SECTION THREE, THERE’S JUST A BUNCH OF USELESS SHIT IN THERE, DR. APPTS, BAND CONCERT DATES, FOOTBALL GAMES…

It was about a year and two months ago that I retired from blogging. I didn’t miss it for long while, then some days I did, then more days I didn’t and then some days I did again. But missing it isn’t why people blog… at least I don’t think.

Lately I’ve been posting some things on Facebook that I classify as “Seymour” posts. They were long enough that the reader would have to press the “See More” link to read the whole thing. They didn’t necessarily start as longer posts. They were just ideas that grew as the words started to flow, like a chunk of burning ember firing up on a windy day. That’s how Brown Road Chronicles originally started, when little bits of writing started turning into longer pieces of writing.

For a lot of people, social media sites are places to bitch and whine and maybe share pictures of their vacation or what they had for dinner last night. Or a place to crack some jokes or share links to writing they find interesting or keep in touch with far away friends. For others… well for me at least… they are forums that allow me to get rid of little chunks of writing, creative ideas, funny (or not so funny) jokes, epic rants, ideas that are taking up space in my brain.

My wife came home the other day and asked, “so, are you going to start blogging again, I’ve noticed some of your Facebook posts seem to be more like blog posts?”

“I don’t know, there’s so much pressure involved” I said sort of jokingly, but with a definite hint of truthfulness.

“Well, just don’t put the pressure on yourself” she answered innocently like someone who has never reviewed a stats page.

“There will always be some pressure… that’s just the way I operate.”

But maybe the tank is overflowing… yep, its definitely overflowing… chock full of bullshit and piss and vinegar. So, at least for a little while, Brown Road Chronicles is Open for Business.

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “Open for Business

  1. You have a very wise wife. Time to get the shit pumped out. (Yes, I can relate). Welcome back.

  2. Welcome back and welcome to 2015! I have no magic ideas about the stats problem. I get alternately hooked and disinterested in the numbers, all the while pumping out my own shit. Since I’m now focused on offline writing, it makes blogging a little more entertaining and less about becoming some sort of social media guru. Glad to see you’ve returned!

    • You know its funny, stats makes for an entertaining storyline, but I don’t think it motivates anyone that’s been doing this for awhile. Its that “need to write” that’s the driver. That being said, what are you working on “offline”? I’ve been out of touch for awhile.

  3. Glad your back and are getting rid of al the shit.

  4. I almost replied to one Facebook post to say it would be a great blog post, but I didn’t want to put any pressure on you. True story.

  5. Good to hear, I’ll have to update my calendar! Looking forward to your posts.

  6. Welcome back!

    Wise wife!

    Great opening!

  7. Welcome back!!! I missed your writings:)

  8. Woot! Woot! He’s baaaaack! YEAH! I missed your writing so it’s good to see you back in the blogging craziness.

  9. YAY!! So glad you’re back. I’ve missed you. Looking forward to your posts. Always listen to your wife. She’s a smart lady. 🙂

  10. I second all of the above remarks. Better to blog it out with this crowd than to let things get backed up, so to speak. I don’t pay attention to stats. I still have the same core of commenters I had two years ago. Doesn’t say much about my social networking savvy, but I like writing for people who genuinely appreciate what I have to offer. Keep writing, people will keep reading.

  11. Welcome back, Steve! Sorry it took so long for me to find you, but I haven’t been blogging much for the past year either. But I missed blogging, because, like you, my blog is a parking spot for the stuff that I don’t have another home for… So, I’m looking forward to browsing through all the stuff you will be parking at the Brown Road Chronicles!

    • Hi Margie! Thanks for tracking me down again. Its fun to be back but it was sort of weird at first, like a zombie apocalypse had taken a bunch of people away. But there were some regulars still around and then there were some new people too. So its all good. I think I’m still subscribed to you, I’ll have to check!

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