Of Anniversaries and Birthdays and Mid-Life Crises

Today my wife and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Kim and I met at Colby College in Waterville, Maine in 1986. We got married in North Reading, Massachusetts, her home town in 1992. Our reception was at the Hawthorne Hotel in Historic Salem, Massachusetts. We moved to Michigan in July of 1993 and bought the home that is the theme of this blog in December of 1995. Two children, several jobs and lots of pets later, here we are celebrating 20 years as husband and wife.

Ours is not a perfect marriage, none are. But it’s pretty close. We’re very similar people and we like each other. Yes, I specifically used that word… “like”. We like each other, we’re friends, we get along, we know when it’s okay to talk to each other and we know when it’s best to leave the other to themselves. That old adage that opposites attract should be thrown out the window. Opposites don’t attract… well, perhaps they attract, but do they last?  People that are the same, that have the same interests and personality traits have relationships that last. Sure, we are in love too. But “love” is one of those vague words that has so many levels of meaning. It’s a word for young people testing the waters of newly discovered relationships. It’s a word for romantic’s spending a week in Paris or watching a sunrise on the beach or picking daisy’s in a field. It’s a word that’s important in our lives, but when it comes to a successful marriage words like friendship, commitment and loyalty should trump the word love any day. When you’re raising kids and trying to pay a mortgage and thinking about college years… you better be friends… you better be committed and loyal… and you DAMN WELL better LIKE each other!  So, to my wife, if you are reading this… I may love you… but I really LIKE you. Thanks for being my best friend.

Today is also my oldest brother’s 50th birthday!  This is quite the milestone day! I have two older brothers, both of whom I look up to tremendously and who have been friends and mentors to me. Unfortunately they both live far away and I don’t get to see them that often. But they are important in my life and I wish the oldest the happiest of 50th birthdays today.

I have to admit, as I sit here and type this morning, all these large numbers, 50’s and 20’s make me feel old and throw me deeper into my so-called mid-life crisis, which I have written about periodically and that I suspect I’ll be dealing with for the rest of my life. Mine is not the traditional mid-life crisis of fast sports cars and yachts and trips to the Caribbean. It’s more of a “can I check the fuck out and become a quirky, long-bearded homesteader who raises bees and writes poetry and doesn’t have to deal with the daily shit storm of life?” But that’s not very responsible and fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) I am a mostly responsible guy and understand that’s not a suitable option at this stage of my life.

Plus, I’m not sure my wife would “like” me anymore!


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24 responses to “Of Anniversaries and Birthdays and Mid-Life Crises

  1. You are so very right. Liking is necessary. Great post.

  2. Congrats on 20 years of liking (and loving) each other! I absolutely agree, love is great and all, but if you and your partner are similar and really enjoy being with each other, well, that’s what lasts, in my opinion. I swear a huge reason my husband and I have been together so long is our shared sense of humor. We laugh every single day.

  3. Youngmomof3

    Great post Steve. Congrats to you two!

    PS. If you go into the bee business, let me know. Something I have always been fascinated with. =)

  4. bigsheepcommunications

    Happy Anniversary 😀

  5. Cheryl

    Congratulations on 20 years of togetherness! Yes, liking one another is so important. Unlike you and your wife, my husband and I are very much opposites but we like each other because we’re different. Maybe we’re an exception, but we’ve conquered 27 years together and still are still going strong. So maybe there’s more to this “liking” stuff than we realize. I think you’re on to something. 😉

  6. Congrats to you too, that’s great! Maybe you are a lot more alike than you realize!

  7. GOF

    Congratulations to you both, and as a latecomer to your blog I appreciate the bio. Mrs GOF and I have clocked up 32 years….we’re opposites in many ways but have the same core values, and, as you suggest we’ve always been friends. Hope you find a way to follow your dream life and that the best is yet to come.

  8. I’ve seen you break out this picture before. You guys look like us. We look like you. We have been married 18 years. And I’ll be *ahem* old in 12 days. Let’s just say, it’s a significant birthday. I know you have been struggling with the whole: WHat am I doing? Am I doing enough thing, but I will tell you, as I did the first time I heard you sing, you have mad talent. And a lot of people really love your words. You make us want to raise goats. Things happen to the people who persevere. So keep doing what you are doing, Cowboy. 😉

  9. Congrats! It looks like the wedding must’ve been very expensive! I mean fantastically beautiful. 🙂

  10. An important day for sure! First of all, Happy Anniversary! I totally agree with needing to like your spouse. The day I was married (at 18) I remember saying that I finally got to stay the night with my best friend. 14 years later, we are still best buds and I only hope that will hold true at 20! Happy Birthday to your older brother! Sibling relationships are so very special. No amount of distance will ever sever the bonds.

    Sounds like you have a lot to celebrate! Enjoy your day!

  11. You must have some very chubby goats!
    Congratulations to you both, Steve. I wish you and your wife many more years of life, love, laughter and friendship!
    My husband and I have only been married for 6 years now but we are older and wiser and very much alike in the ways that matter. And probably too damn tired to fight over the small stuff. We sound a lot like you both right down to the location of your reception! That was one of our first picks but we settled on a gorgeous chapel and OLD library in NH, instead. We met in NH, lived in Amesbury and moved to Cleveland in ’07-him and ’08-me. Now we’re raisin’ Whiskey!
    “Nuff about us. Raise those damn bees and hold hands with your BFF on your porch and share your memories. And say thank you.

    • Thank you for such a nice comment! How fun that you were almost at the Hawthorne too. Beautiful place! We had originally planned on getting married the previous weekend, Halloween weekend, not realizing that the town of Salem and all its facilities would be filled with witches and other interesting folk. So we had to move it a week later. Still a great weekend! So by raising Whiskey I assume you mean distilling?? Cool! Would love to know more about that. The whole bee thing? I don’t really have any interest in bees, that’s just one of those “idyllic” hobbies that’s fun to talk about. Thanks for visiting!

  12. Margie

    Someday you will look back and realize you have everything in life you could ever ask for and then your mid-life crises will evaporate. Maybe someday is today! Congratulations!

  13. Pingback: People Gave Good Head(er) | renée a. schuls-jacobson's blog

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