Excuses, Excuses!

As most of you have probably noticed, I haven’t been around much. What I’ve noticed is that even though I haven’t posted anything since March 4th, not one of you has called the police, concerned about me being missing, or commented on my “About” page about how much you miss me, or contacted Julie at WordPress to check to see if I was okay.

Not that I use this blog for personal adulation or to flatter my self  image or anything like that.

Anyhow, that’s all okay… I have a good excuse, an excuse that once you read it, you’ll realize why I haven’t been able to keep you entertained for the last month with hilarious posts, profound thoughts and Seussical poetry.

You all know how selfless and giving I am… so…

You see…

Well, my friends, I won the freaking lottery… 2 mil, baby.  That’s right, the lottery… and although my initial urge was to be selfish and spend all that money on myself… I instead donated all the money to charities and although it’s been very rewarding, it’s just been taking a lot of my time managing all the financial  aspects and responding to all the thank you letters.

Shit… okay, I didn’t win the lottery… but I have been over in Africa working with the Peace Corps… helping to build schools and bringing modern plumbing and fresh water to areas that don’t have it… it’s been such a fascinating and rewarding experience, but I just haven’t had much time to write anything.

Fuck… alright, look… I haven’t been in Africa… I’ve just been in Michigan… but I have been spending all my time in the local hospital working with terminally ill patients… singing and playing my guitar and bringing some badly needed joy to difficult situations.  I have to admit, it’s been incredibly rewarding, but I just haven’t had much free time to sit down and write anything.

Alright, alright, I just made that up… but I have been… ummm… I have been… you know… well…ummm… okay, look, I’ve been in prison… yeah, that’s right, prison? Okay,  you got a problem with that?  It wasn’t anything too serious, I just… look, it’s not really important.  Anyway, while I was in prison, I got a law degree, like so many prisoners do… and I worked out all the time and I’m freakin’ ripped now… and I worked with many of the other prisoners to help them rehabilitate into decent, hard-working citizens.  So, that’s what’s been going on, I’ve been in prison… but I’m out now, it’s all good and I’ll be writing like crazy again before you know it.

Okay, seriously… I wasn’t in prison. I mean, what the fuck, you actually believed I was in prison? What the hell is wrong with you anyway?  Prison… sheesh!

No, I haven’t been in prison, but I did blow all my fingers off in a freak accident while trying to defuse a bomb at my kid’s school.  Yep, that’s right, saved everybody… every last kid… except for my fingers… so now I can’t type. I’m actually typing this with my toes and it’s taking forever… but that’s okay, I’m doing it for you guys… because you are all the best fans any blogger could have.

Okay, seriously… I can’t keep up this deception, this ruse, this deviousness, this skullduggery, this fourberie, this surreptitiousness, this duplicity, this chicanery, this clandestinity, this furtiveness. I just can’t do it.  Plus I’ve just been so busy, as you can see I’ve been spending most of my time practicing my vocabulary words… reading SAT prep books, over and over and over again… because what better skill can a writer have then a strong vocabulary?

Alright, I can see you all rolling your eyes. I mean, seriously, I can’t believe you just rolled your fucking eyes!  Alright look, I’ll be honest… I don’t have any kind of decent excuse for not posting…

… well other than I just haven’t had anything good to write about… and I have a bar… no, not that kind of bar… a bar…. you know? Look, nevermind…

How about this… I guess I sorta needed a break…

… and I’m not sure the break is over yet…

So, as my uncle Jon says, “there you have it, there it is.”

Until then, you can read about the time I decided to quit blogging. It was about this time last year.

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36 Comments

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36 responses to “Excuses, Excuses!

  1. Ok. What’s funny and slightly disturbing (for you) is that I WAS worried and almost called the police. Or at least looked for an email address to ask if you were ok! And then I thought, “Emily. That is strange. He doesn’t know you. What would you thinks one of your millions of readers wrote you and inquired about your well being? Yep. Stalker. Total stalker.” But what you must know is that you are one of two or three bloggers I actually follow. You severely disrupted my literary status quo. I mean, who do you think you are, taking time for yourself and therefore depriving people like myself of your genius?! You should be ashamed. Ashamed, I tell you! ;). Welcome back. Even if it is just for a moment. Glad you are ok. I will notify the brown road police department.

  2. Thanks for your stalking… uhhh… I mean concern, and for calling what I write “genius.” Not that I use this blog for self adulation or to flatter my self image or anything like that 🙂 I’ve had some bloggers that I really liked disappear so it is a valid concern. I’ll get back to normal, I promise!

  3. I thought you were dead, so I figured… Oh well. Now you go and tease me about being ripped! Damnit man, I need shirtless picks of Tom Brady now… Hello google image! Later Mator! Write when you can!

  4. You still make me laugh. How is work? You loving it or not? X

    • It’s going okay so far. I’m not gonna say I LOVE it but some days are really great and sometimes it can be frustrating. But for the most part it’s been good. Would still rather sit around writing all day! 🙂

  5. bigsheepcommunications

    What makes you think we haven’t called Julie in a panic? I mean, I’ve got her on speed dial now! She thinks I’M a stalker! Sheesh.

  6. I did notice you were missing. I didn’t know you were brushing up on your vocab skills. I need to do that.

  7. Glad your back, Cowboy. I just figgered you were busy on the farm. 😉

  8. I’ve been blogging since the mid90s and every now and then, I go away for 2-6 months.

    Often, if I can’t get my mojo going at all, I delete a blog and start a new one–several times it will be with another service.

    It’s cool. Creative people need to live in other to create. I’m less active with my evil ID because I’m very active on my real-me WP. It’s where my head was at and I didn’t/ couldn’t have the 2 personalities mesh. Maybe you’d like to live vicariously through a new/ different “you?”

  9. This is awesome. I so relate. Been feeling like I’m holding on to the blog by a thread. That’s why I never noticed you were missing.

  10. God damn, Steve, you’re a funny motherfucker. And like you said, “Sometimes just sitting down and writing a dumb post like this one gets the word flowing again.” Hope to see more. Oh, and you could write me a letter! Sheesh!

  11. Ring, ring…

    WP: Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

    ME: Hi Julie, thank you for taking my call, I’m terribly concerned… and I’d like to file a missing persons report.

    WP: Ummm… This is a technical support for blogs. We don’t handle missing persons. What are you concerned about?

    ME: Well, I’m concerned that one of your bloggers is missing.

    WP: Excuse me?

    ME: One of your bloggers has been missing for weeks now, and I’m concerned he may have harmed himself. He’s been very upset lately that he’s not famous yet.

    WP: Did he put you up to this?

    ME: Who?

    WP: The guy from Brown Road Chronicles. You’re the 14th person who’s called to report him missing.

    ME: So you’ll find him then?

    WP: No, I’m sorry. This is a technical support for blogs. We don’t handle missing persons.

    ME: Well, then I’d like to report a missing blog.

    WP: What’s your blog name?

    ME. anneschilde.wordpress.com

    WP: [sighs] Your blog tests just fine Ms. Schilde. Are you sure you’re typing it correctly?

    ME: Not my blog… Brown Road Chronicles.

    WP: His blog is fine.

    ME: You tested it already?

    WP: No, I didn’t have to. We have a monitor on his site so if there’s ever a problem, a notification is distributed to the entire tech support team so we can look into it immediately. He’s pretty famous around here.

    ME: That’s amazing! Really?

    WP: Of course not, Ma’am. But his blog isn’t missing.

    ME: You can understand my concern.

    WP: Not really.

    ME: Well, he’s very important to all of us. His blog is very Seussical.

    WP: Very what?

    ME: Seussical.

    WP: What on Earth is that?

    ME: Well, I’d ask Steve, but he’s missing.

    WP: Who?

    ME: The guy who writes Brown Road Chronicles.

    WP: I have some advice for you Ma’am. I see it’s been several days since your last blog post. Perhaps you should work on getting something up there so no one calls to report you missing. In the meantime, we’ll keep an eye out for Mr… Brown Road Chronicles and as soon as we see him, well send a notification to your Read Blogs box. How’s that?

    ME: I really appreciate that, Julie. You’ve been very supportive.

    WP: That’s my job Ma’am. is there anything else I can help you with?

    ME: Well… have you worked on making him famous yet?

    WP: Oh good grief! Have a good day, and thank you for using WordPress!

  12. I knew you hadn’t gone far – you were still commenting on my blog…
    Take as much time as you need to re-energize. The Brown Road Chronicles will still be there, waiting patiently for your return! So will your followers.

  13. Pingback: Anne Schilde

  14. celticadlx

    I love social networking, cause I made a comment on Twitter that you responded to and put my worries to rest! I knew you were still there somewhere and would come back to us faithful followers. Sometimes we all need a break. Hope it served you well. 🙂

  15. Richard Wiseman

    I think there is a natural ebb and flow to this blog writing business. I mean that one keeps writing for a while and feels that one has to put out a blog at regular intervals, so one does. Then comes a week when real life calls and the need to take a break from posting stuff seems a good idea. I often don’t phone family or friends for ages or I have weeks where I don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s the same for blogging I think.
    Secondly I think this quote, to whom I can’t place an attribution, sums up blogging; ‘There is all the difference in the world between having something to say and having to say something.’
    If you’re having a phase of not wanting to write I’d post a short blog sentence saying something along the lines of ‘I have nothing to say this week… amuse yourselves and I’ll see what happens next week.’
    Anyway I’m glad to see you’re back and yes I did notice you were gone and I thought that you had just decided to take a break.
    Maybe you should have a ‘Gone Fishin’ sign for your blog.
    Any road up, as for me callin’ the busybodies over you being a no show, no chance pal! I’m English workin class mate and I don’t have no truck wiv the rozzers geezer! Can’t trust the fuzz mate they’re all bent. (That’s authentic London language for ‘I’m afraid I am unlikely to call Her Majesty’s uniformed law enforcement agents over any matter, including the likelihood of your disappearance, as like many Englishmen I believe them to be thoroughly corrupt).

  16. Your excuses are ripe, my friend. Pee-hew! However, no explanation is necessary. I wish everyone who didn’t have anything to say would shut-up.

  17. Actually, you have done me a wonderful favour. Now I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about not reading you, because you haven’t been writing. Wonderful for me! Not so wonderful for you, I admit.

    I’m deep in writing synopsis things and working on draft two (draft one is sitting at 92,000 words). We have been being interviewed and all sorts of things.
    So, Steve, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I don’t have to feel guilty any more! 😆

    Write more soon!

  18. Sometimes you just need a blogging break. And it seems like March/April may be your down times..lol

  19. It was quite a funny post, Steve. “Why I didn’t write” is universally understandable to all of us who do it for amusement and no pay. Whenever real responsibilities intrude, or it happens to be not the usual fun, blogging becomes like having a job you don’t enjoy. Good weather seems to do it to me. I would rather be outside!

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