Tag Archives: humor
This blog has been WAY too serious lately…
So… this is a perfect time to be the featured writer over at everyone’s favorite blog, She’s a Maineiac, with its host, the super-funny, coffee drinking, plaid wearing, half-sane mama Darla.
I met Darla in April of 2011 when I left a comment on her About page after discovering she was from Maine. I think it said something about “I didn’t know they had computers in Maine” and “have you ever hit a moose with your car?”
No, I’m kidding… my wife and I went to college and met in Maine, so I was happy to find a little connection to one of my favorite states in this big bad blogging world. I love Maine, it’s a wicked cool place, ayuh! It’s known for the world-famous artists “Bert and I” who in a classic Maine accent, tell funny stories about “Downeast”. It’s known for the iconic LL Bean store, where my Barn Coat came from that I wrote about in my one and only Freshly Pressed post, and of course it’s know for Lobstah! If I didn’t love Michigan so much, I’d probably want to live in Maine.
You can listen to some Bert and I clips here: http://www.islandportpress.com/bertandi/index.html
When Darla asked me to be the featured blogger on her monthly series “Firsts and Lasts”, I knew I had finally made it big in the blogging world. All I had to do was answer a series of questions on this personality test that she e-mailed to me. I think she called it something like the Darla Richter MultiPhasic Personality Indicator. I figured… “how hard could that be?” and since she has like a zillion followers, I thought maybe this would be a good opportunity to pick up two or three more.
I tried to answer as truthfully as I could, except for the questions that I didn’t answer that truthfully.
So come hang out with us today over at She’s a Maineiac and read my answers and check out some of Darla’s stuff. She’s funny, she’s well-known and highly regarded in our little corner of the virtual world, she’s been Freshly Pressed several times and she has some mad Photoshopping skills.
I’d leave you a link to her site, but….. in the words of Bert and I, “come to think of it… you can’t get there from here.”
No… seriously, just click this link and you’ll be there faster than Captain Kirk in a Star Trek Transporter.
Have fun… and as always, thanks for reading!
Being a male in the blogging world is sometimes like being the lone Rooster in a barn full of Hens! Seems the lady bloggers far outnumber the guy bloggers. That’s okay, us bro’s know that the ladies are much better with words any day of the week! But I decided we needed to do a little promotion of some of the Men of the WordPress Writing World.
So I contacted the talented folks at Brown Road Marketing, Inc., the promotional arm of my blogging empire (the same folks who designed my Brown Road Chronicles T-shirts and recorded my Brown Road Chronicles Radio Advertisement) for some help in getting the faces of some of the “Roosters” at WordPress out in front of the crowd.
We picked twelve totally awesome dudes, men of too many words, talented writers and artists and musicians and athletes and sports enthusiasts. But mostly, committed fathers and husbands and some incredibly funny guys. Some write frequently, some write periodically but these are all guys that I have gotten to know a bit through blogging, guys that follow me and I follow them, mostly guys who make me laugh on a regular basis.
Twelve guys who aren’t afraid to let it all out or keep it all in… in front of thousands of WordPress Followers.
Legal Disclaimer: all images are the property of the totally studly guys pictured here. Hopefully all of these handsome and talented bro’s approve of their selected images and of being swooned over by the lady bloggers. Brown Road Marketing, Inc. may or may not have had to stalk a few Facebook Pages and Twitter feeds to obtain images.
Sorry ladies, no shirtless pics…
So, here I present to you: The 2014 Men of WordPress Calendar. You can click the images to enlarge them and use the links below each page to visit their sites.
So, there you go… the 2014 Men of WordPress Calendar. Of course, this is only a sampling of the talented guys out there. So who’d we miss? Share your votes with the world and maybe they’ll make next years issue!
I love Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats!
Kellogg’s has accomplished an incredible feat by taking a food product that basically has the consistency and taste of dried, toasted hay and made it delicious by coating it in a thick layer of sugar.
To emphasize my point, have you ever eaten plain Shredded Wheat? There are a few brands on the market but Post Shredded Wheat is the most iconic and well-known. Could there possibly be a more disgusting, choke-inducing cereal than plain, shredded wheat? Well, maybe Grape-Nuts, another Post creation. I’m not sure my goats would even eat plain shredded wheat.
But Kellogg’s has nailed it by adding a sugary coating. It’s a food product that allows us to avoid wallowing in the poor self-esteem issues of our food choices by hiding under the guise of eating healthy and regulating our bowels, while still consuming massive amounts of sugary goodness.
Herein lies the problem. When you add milk to your Frosted Mini Wheats the sugar will start to dissolve and they will begin to deteriorate faster than the most aggressive of ionic reactions.
Like this one, which takes about 10-14 to 10-16 seconds for completion:
Now I’m no scientist, but those speeds sound like some serious business! Those are negative powers bro!
I’d venture to guess that the significant deterioration of a Frosted Mini Wheat in a bowl of milk starts happening in about 10-25 seconds. So, just as you would never in your right mind try precipitating Barium Sulfate without a well thought out plan of action, you should never eat a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats without an equal level of preparation.
The important thing to note about Frosted Mini Wheats is that Kellogg’s has not figured out how to accurately coat each Mini Wheat with equal amounts of sugar. This will be important later.
So, here’s how to eat a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats:
- Pour Frosted Mini Wheats into a bowl.
- Arrange all of the Mini Wheats so that they are “face up”, meaning sugar side up. You should have no more than two layers of Mini Wheats.
- If you have more than two layers you will need to return some to the box.
- As you are arranging the Mini Wheats, carefully study and mentally document each of them to determine the amount and consistency of the sugar that coats each piece.
- Try to put the Mini Wheats with the most sugar on the bottom layer.
- Make special note of the one or two Mini Wheats that are coated with an incredibly thick (1-2mm) of sugar-coating. There will always be one or two of these.
- Prepare yourself mentally to eat the Mini Wheats, i.e. get in “The Zone”.
- IMPORTANT: Pour milk into cereal bowl but only enough to lightly soak the Mini Wheats. If you use too much milk you will end of with a giant bowl of mush.
- Eat as fast as you can starting with the least sugary Mini Wheats on the top layer and finishing with the most sugary Mini Wheats on the bottom layer. As the Mini Wheats will shift around while eating, you will need to be fleet-of-spoon to be sure you are continuing to eat in the correct order. The Mini Wheats noted in #6 should be eaten last.
- If you’re a milk drinker, go ahead and drink the milk, but keep in mind, Frosted Mini Wheat milk will have significantly more “silt” in it than milk from other cereals.
So that’s how you eat a bowl of Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats.
Next up… How to Eat a Bowl of Lucky Charms!
Today is a milestone! You can read my very first guest post over at my friend Renée’s house: www.rasjacobson.com. She has a series on her blog called #SoWrong where bloggers can write about humiliating and embarrassing moments they’ve experienced and then share those moments with about a zillion people. Sounded like a good idea to me!
You can read my post here: http://wp.me/pViQq-47Q where I share four funny #SoWrong parenting moments.
Renée and I met a couple of years ago and she has been a loyal follower and commenter on BRC. She write’s about lots of things including her family and her son who is into fencing, which has to be on the list of coolest extra-curricular activities a kid could be involved in. She can be funny, serious, profound, silly and she’s a Glasses and Hats enthusiast! Unlike me, she is the consummate blog promoter, running guest posts and giveaways and all kinds of other fun things… in addition to writing!
So, go check out my post. It’s funny and it’s true. Poke around Renee’s site while you’re there too. You’ll probably find something good to read.
Have you ever tried to grab,
A pickle from a jar?
Its swimming in the juice.
Down very, very far.
First you try your hands.
Five finger grabbers each.
Your hand goes in the jar.
But that pickle’s out of reach!
The pickle glares back at you.
On it’s face, a smirk!
You come to the conclusion.
Your hands aren’t going to work.
You go into the drawer.
That holds the silverware.
You glance back towards the jar.
And see that pickle glare.
You grab yourself a fork.
The longest you can find.
You have a plan in place.
You’ll sneak up from behind.
You reach into the jar.
That pickle’s oh so near.
You jab down with that fork.
As if you had a spear.
But that pickle has a plan.
It gives your fork the slip.
It dodges and it weaves.
You try to keep your grip.
You jab down with that fork again.
You’ve got something to prove.
You just can’t seem to catch it.
That pickle’s on the move!
Then finally you connect.
You spear it with the tines.
You start to lift that pickle,
From deep in its confines.
But when you’re just about to,
Get that pickle from the jar.
Something awful happens
Something so bizarre!
Your progress gets impeded.
A challenging impasse.
That pickle is too long.
It catches on the glass!
It falls off of the fork.
And dives back towards the juice.
Once again that pickle,
Is free and on the loose.
You hear that pickle laugh.
It’s averted your attack.
You close the pickle jar.
And decide to put it back.
You know you’ve been defeated.
You gave it your best shot.
Instead you eat an Apple.
‘Cause they don’t fight a lot!