Tag Archives: funny

Firsts and Lasts at She’s a Maineiac

This blog has been WAY too serious lately…

So… this is a perfect time to be the featured writer over at everyone’s favorite blog, She’s a Maineiac, with its host, the super-funny, coffee drinking, plaid wearing, half-sane mama Darla.

Maineiac

I met Darla in April of 2011 when I left a comment on her About page after discovering she was from Maine.  I think it said something about “I didn’t know they had computers in Maine” and “have you ever hit a moose with your car?”

No, I’m kidding… my wife and I went to college and met in Maine, so I was happy to find a little connection to one of my favorite states in this big bad blogging world. I love Maine, it’s a wicked cool place, ayuh! It’s known for the world-famous artists “Bert and I” who in a classic Maine accent, tell funny stories about “Downeast”. It’s known for the iconic LL Bean store, where my Barn Coat came from that I wrote about in my one and only Freshly Pressed post, and of course it’s know for Lobstah! If I didn’t love Michigan so much, I’d probably want to live in Maine.

You can listen to some Bert and I clips here: http://www.islandportpress.com/bertandi/index.html

When Darla asked me to be the featured blogger on her monthly series “Firsts and Lasts”, I knew I had finally made it big in the blogging world. All I had to do was answer a series of questions on this personality test that she e-mailed to me. I think she called it something like the Darla Richter MultiPhasic Personality Indicator.  I figured… “how hard could that be?” and since she has like a zillion followers, I thought maybe this would be a good opportunity to pick up two or three more.

I tried to answer as truthfully as I could, except for the questions that I didn’t answer that truthfully.

So come hang out with us today over at She’s a Maineiac and read my answers and check out some of Darla’s stuff. She’s funny, she’s well-known and highly regarded in our little corner of the virtual world, she’s been Freshly Pressed several times and she has some mad Photoshopping skills.

I’d leave you a link to her site, but….. in the words of Bert and I, “come to think of it… you can’t get there from here.”

No… seriously, just click this link and you’ll be there faster than Captain Kirk in a Star Trek Transporter.

Firsts and Lasts with Steve from Brown Road Chronicles

Have fun… and as always, thanks for reading!

 

 

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The Men of WordPress Calendar

Being a male in the blogging world is sometimes like being the lone Rooster in a barn full of Hens! Seems the lady bloggers far outnumber the guy bloggers.  That’s okay, us bro’s know that the ladies are much better with words any day of the week! But I decided we needed to do a little promotion of some of the Men of the WordPress Writing World.

So I contacted the talented folks at Brown Road Marketing, Inc., the promotional arm of my blogging empire (the same folks who designed my Brown Road Chronicles T-shirts and recorded my Brown Road Chronicles Radio Advertisement) for some help in getting the faces of some of the “Roosters” at WordPress out in front of the crowd.

We picked twelve totally awesome dudes, men of too many words, talented writers and artists and musicians and athletes and sports enthusiasts.  But mostly, committed fathers and husbands and some incredibly funny guys.  Some write frequently, some write periodically but these are all guys that I have gotten to know a bit through blogging, guys that follow me and I follow them, mostly guys who make me laugh on a regular basis.

Twelve guys who aren’t afraid to let it all out or keep it all in… in front of thousands of WordPress Followers.

Legal Disclaimer: all images are the property of the totally studly guys pictured here. Hopefully all of these handsome and talented bro’s approve of their selected images and of being swooned over by the lady bloggers. Brown Road Marketing, Inc. may or may not have had to stalk a few Facebook Pages and Twitter feeds to obtain images.

Sorry ladies, no shirtless pics…

So, here I present to you: The 2014 Men of WordPress Calendar. You can click the images to enlarge them and use the links below each page to visit their sites.

ThoughtfulPop-januaryThoughtful Pop

thebyronicman-februaryThe Byronic Man

Jasonpearch-marchThe MindSlam

JarodKarol-AprilLick the Fridge

Claywatkins-MayMaking the Days Count

Goodgreatsby-JuneThe Good Greatsby

beingarindam-JulyBeing Arindam

harrymullans-augustDribbling Pensioner

stevewarner-septemberThe Brown Road Chronicles

blurtblog-octoberBlurt Blog

don-novemberDon of All Trades

stuartsheldon-decemberStuart Sheldon

So, there you go… the 2014 Men of WordPress Calendar.  Of course, this is only a sampling of the talented guys out there. So who’d we miss? Share your votes with the world and maybe they’ll make next years issue!

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A Pop Quiz for My Teenagers

I was ready to divorce my teenage kids this past Memorial Day weekend. I had called the Divorce attorneys on the back of the phone book and had the papers all drafted. Thankfully, my wife talked me off the cliff and I was able to save the attorney fees. She’s good that way, at talking me off the cliff. Sometimes I have to talk her off the cliff. Sometimes we both want to jump off the cliff… and maybe have sex as we plunge to our deaths because it’s the only time we’d have any privacy. Plus the guy who spoke at the Memorial Day parade said lot’s of stuff about finding peace and happiness with the people who you care about and that settled me down a bit.

My kids hadn’t really done anything wrong. I was just tired of them. I was tired of driving them places, tired of cooking them meals, tired of picking up their stuff, tired of trying to keep their lives organized. Is it okay to say you’re tired of your kids sometimes? Well, whether it’s okay or not, I’ll man up and say it… I WAS FUCKING TIRED OF THEM!

They’re actually really good kids. Well behaved most of the time, well respected by their peers and teachers, “A” students. They participate and are successful in a lot of school activities.  But sometimes… well, most of the time…. okay look… all of the time, they just don’t get it. They’re messy, they’re lazy, they roll their eyes a lot, sometimes they’re even a little… GASP… disrespectful. They’re TEENAGERS!

So I decided to take a cue from all of my teacher friends. You see, the way that teacher’s know if their students are “getting it” is they give them regular quizzes.  So, I am going to start assigning monthly quizzes to my kids.

Here is the first one… it’s multiple choice:

1. A reasonable amount of time necessary to straighten up our home before guests come over would be:

A. 1/2 hour.
B. 1-2 hours.
C. 2-4 hours.
D. 17 days.

2. The proper place to put dirty dishes when you are done using them:

A. Washed and dried and placed back into the appropriate cabinet.
B. Washed and set in the dish strainer to dry.
C. Rinsed well and set on the counter next to the sink.
D. Under the couch.

3. The appropriate time to tell your parents about something you need completed for school is:

A. As soon as you learn about the assignment deadline.
B. The day after you learn about the assignment deadline.
C. One week before the date of the assignment deadline.
D. “Dad, you need to sign this paper from my teacher so you know I missed an assignment deadline.”

4. The reason we have a strict “bed time” on Sunday nights, between 10:00 – 11:00 pm is:

A. Children who get enough sleep do better in school.
B. Monday morning is the most difficult day to wake up on time.
C. Weekends are busy and we need to give our bodies adequate rest.
D. Your parent’s haven’t had sex in three months and that’s the only night we might be able to stay awake.

5. If a pair of your dirty underwear somehow ends up lying on the kitchen floor you should:

A. Pick them up and carry them to the laundry hamper.
B. Pick them up and while you are bending down, with a damp paper towel, wipe up the entire animal full of fur that has accumulated under the cabinets.
C. Question why your dirty underwear is on the kitchen floor.
D. All of the above.

6. The proper use of lights and light switches in the house is:

A. To turn on when you are doing your homework and to turn off when you are completed.
B. To provide temporary light while you are using the bathroom and to turn off when you are completed.
C. To provide low level lighting in the evenings when it gets dark outside and to turn off before bedtime.
D. To light up our home like the sun in case there are Aliens looking for life on another planet.

7. The number of allowable pairs of shoes that each family member should have in the shoe pile by the entryway door is:

A. 1-2 pairs of shoes representing the appropriate season.
B. 3-4 pairs of shoes representing the appropriate season.
C. 26 pairs of shoes representing all four seasons, plus every sports season.
D. What’s the shoe pile by the entryway door?

8. The day after spending an entire week of vacation fun and having to re-mortgage the house to pay for it, the proper response is:

A. “Thanks Mom and Dad, that was awesome.”
B. “I love you guys, would it be okay if I cleaned the bathroom to show my appreciation!”
C. “That was so great, maybe we could do that again in a couple of years.”
D. “I’m so bored, what are we doing today?”

9. The normal and usual scent in a regularly used home bathroom should be:

A. Azaleas and other flower arrangements.
B. Bleach with a touch of lemon.
C. Fresh mountain air.
D. Boy Scout camp.

10. When Dad says things like “I can’t wait for you guys to go to college”, what I really mean is:

A. You know, there’s a nice military school down in Indiana.
B. When I was your age, I had to do my own damn laundry!
C. Seriously, I can’t wait for you guys to go to college.
D. I really do LOVE YOU, I just need a “time out!”

Do you ever get tired of your kids? Yeah, I know, stupid question…

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Ten ways you’ll know if you might be falling for your Local TV News Anchor

On days that I am working at home, I’ll often have the television on in the background tuned to the local NBC station. I enjoy watching The Today Show and the local news show is the best one in our area. It’s actually not the closest news station to us, it broadcasts out of a city about an hour north of us. But its the most interesting and informative. That’s what news should be, right? Interesting and informative? I agree wholeheartedly! In fact, that’s the only reason I watch the news on this channel, so I can stay interested and informed.

Seriously… I promise you it has nothing to do with the fact there there’s a news anchor named Emily Linnert, on this channel, who I have to admit is kind of hot… you know…. in that sexy, nerdy, news anchor kind of way.

Emily Linnert, Wood TV 8 News Anchor

Emily Linnert, Wood TV 8 News Anchor

Now, to those of you who read here on a regular basis and to those new readers who find this post when they search Google for Hot, Sexy, Nerdy News Anchors… let me be very clear here. I know us married guys are not supposed to be looking around at other women, especially hot, sexy, nerdy news anchors. I adore my wife, we are soul mates in this world, we are meant to be together, and I would absolutely never stray away. But us guys have needs… you know… needs to be interested… and informed… you know… needs to be interested and informed about… you know… about what’s going on in our local communities.

So, with that in mind, here’s ten ways you’ll know if you might be falling for your local news anchor.

10. If you’ve Followed them on Twitter, Liked them on Facebook and Subscribed to the News Station’s You Tube Feed.

9. If you find yourself watching soap operas in the middle of the day with the hope that there might be a breaking news story interruption

8. If you have to call and explain to the Cable TV customer service agent that you’re canceling your 3000 channel subscription because you really only need one channel.

7. If the words “three murdered on south side”, “homeless man found dead inside dumpster” or “family of seven killed in house fire”, turn you on.

6. If you have to explain to your spouse that “it’s not a television that I had installed in the center of the dining room table, it’s a teleprompter. Just read the words that appear on the screen.”

5.  If before sex your spouse asks if you want to watch a little of the porn channel to heat things up and you lie and say, “the porn channel hasn’t been working properly, but I’ve DVR’d some old episodes of the local news that we might find interesting.”

4. If you make a scene at your local city council meeting, just so you can hear your name read aloud on the air.

3. If during sex, talking dirty to your spouse includes expressions like, “back to you, baby”, “thank you for joining me this evening”, “this sex is unfolding rapidly” and “breaking news, I’m about to rock your world!”

2. If any of the following times are permanently blocked out of your schedule; 5:00 am -7:00 am, 12:00 pm – 1:00 pm, 5:00 pm – 6:00 pm and 11:00 pm – 11:30 pm

1. If your spouse comes home and catches you watching the news with ten candles burning and a half empty bottle of champagne in your lap.

“And that’s the way it is…..” – Walter Cronkite

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