Traveling to Canada: A Guide for Dumb Americans

I recently spent some time in Ontario, Canada for a business trip. I’d been to Canada before but only for very brief visits. This time I had a whole week though so I was able to thoroughly engulf myself in the whole culture and society. I know us American’s sometimes are not the most well liked when we visit a foreign country because we seem either dumb or elitist or arrogant. So here are six general things I learned that might help you assimilate easier in case you ever need to travel to Canada. I have a lot of Canadian friends that subscribe and read this blog too, so please don’t hesitate to help out if there’s anything you’d like to add.

1. Canadians can speak a lot of languages. Even though the national language is Canadian, like a lot of foreign countries, most of the people are capable of and willing to speak English when talking to Americans. They’re pretty good at it too, except some of them are hard to understand when saying words like “out” and “about” and “trout” and “pout”. One guy said he was “out and about” and I thought he said he was “oat in a boat” and I got confused and pretended I got a phone call and had to excuse myself. In Canadian they also call the bathroom the washroom instead of the restroom which is confusing because it implies people are washing in there instead of resting and bathing and for the first several days there I didn’t know where to go to the bathroom. There’s also a lot of people in Canada that speak French which is weird because I didn’t think Canada was anywhere near France.

2. Canadians are really nice. I mean really nice! Maybe the nicest people I’ve ever met. I’d heard that about Canadians before but now I’ve confirmed it’s most definitely true. Every last one of them that I bumped into was super nice, even the one I bumped into with my car apologized for getting in my way. I bet the two Gopher’s from the Warner Brother’s cartoons were Canadian. Sure, I haven’t traveled extensively, only to Mexico and a few tropical islands and now Canada so I’m sure there are some mean Canadians out there. Probably not very many though. Even the Canadian Border Agents were really nice. They were very polite and smiley and happy to see me as opposed to the U. S. Border Agents who seemed very snarly and mean and had a lot of scary attack dogs around.

3. Canadians have money that’s very colorful and some of it has little plastic windows where you can see through the money. It’s pretty weird and you can waste a lot of time looking through the plastic part to see what the world looks like through money. They also have weird names for some of their money like Loonies and Toonies. When I first got there I went into a bank to exchange $40 and had this conversation:

Me: Hi, can you exchange out some American money for me? Just an assortment, but include some quarters please, as I need to pay parking meters.

Teller: Would you like any Loonies and Toonies?

Me: Excuse me?

Teller: Would you like any Loonies and Toonies?

Me: (panic) Uhhhh….. je ne don’t speaké…. uhhh…. Canadian… eh?

Teller: Yeah, I’ll just give you some bills.

4. Canadians use something called the Metric System. I know, I have recollections of this stuff being taught to us in the 1970’s too. On the highways Canadians are allowed to drive 100 which I really liked because it was super fast and I could get places quickly even though most of the locals didn’t seem to be driving that fast. But I got a bunch of speeding tickets while I was there too which I didn’t understand because I thought I was only going 100. Maybe the police aren’t as nice as the rest of the Canadians. The whole metric system is really weird though, apparently people there think it’s easier to measure and count everything in increments of 10’s rather than dozens and 4’s and 8’s and 16’s and the difference between 32 and 212. I don’t get it.

5. Canadian cities are very clean and safe with not a lot of vagrant types or homeless people. In one city I actually saw a female city worker climb out of a white official city work truck and pick up two or three leaves from the side of the road. I thought that maybe she was just working extra hard or that maybe she was working on a craft or something that needed some leaves. The cities also seemed very safe and a man on the radio said there were only about 500 homicides in Canada last year which I thought couldn’t be right since there were probably at least that many in Chicago alone during the same period. So I called up the radio station to ask if he had made a mistake and he said no, but then he was so nice and said I was the 12th caller and I ended up winning two tickets to a Maple Leafs game which was pretty cool.

6. It’s hard to buy wine in Canada which is weird because I’d always heard that Canadians liked to drink. In the U.S. the average grocery store has an aisle the length of two football fields full of wine. In Canada, if you can find a grocery store that actually sells wine, it’s in these little mini-stores inside the grocery store which are about as big as a bathroom and you have to actually talk to the clerk and pretend to be a sophisticated sommelier American while you are frantically scanning the shelves to find the cheapest wine they sell. They also sell some of their wine in Milk Cartons. On the other hand on every corner are these giant stores called “BEER STORE” so apparently they’d rather have you drinking beer than wine. I didn’t see a single place to buy actual liquor though. Maybe that’s why there are not very many vagrant types or homeless people.

So that’s all you need to know about traveling to Canada! Oh, and make sure your passport is up to date.

Safe travels!

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Ten manly things every guy should know how to do:

Sure, this sort of list has been hashed out a million times on internet sites, in Men’s magazines and over drinks at a bar. But here’s my take on it (in no particular order):

1. Wash your own laundry:

Wash it, dry it, fold it, maybe even hang some of it up to dry so it doesn’t shrink. You don’t really need to sort it all out, that’s one of those female “myths” that’s been perpetuated for eternity. Well, except for anything red… sort that shit out or you’ll have a real problem with pink underwear. While you’re at it, learn to operate an iron. Then go wash a bunch of dishes. You might get laid.

2. Tie a tie:

I know, I know… I can already hear you saying “I don’t ever wear a tie, why should I need to know how to tie one?” Well, because you should. Guys have been wearing ties for a long time and it’s just a manly thing to do. Plus if you have a son, teaching him to tie a tie is a rite of passage, right up there with throwing a ball, riding a bike and learning how to shave. So go put on a dress shirt and learn to tie a basic Windsor knot. If you’re not used to wearing a tie, it may be uncomfortable and will likely generate some activity from your gag reflex. But it’s good for your soul.

3. Build a fire:

Everyone loves a good fire. It’s one of those things like water and air and sunshine that bring us life and make us happy. I’m not talking survivalist skills here. I don’t expect you to go out and start a fire by rubbing sticks together. I’m talking about quickly building a fire, in your fire pit at home, or at a campground or even in your own fireplace, with some wood you found, some very basic supplies and without having to use gasoline, an entire box of matches and every last page of the New York Times.

4. Change a flat tire:

We’ve all been driving down the road and heard that ominous thump, thump, thump sound. Or even walked out into our driveway and found our car leaning just a little bit because a tire was flat. When that happens you have two choices: call up the Auto Service membership you’ve been paying for and when the handsome guy shows up in tight jeans with ripped arms you can hand him your man card… uhhh… I mean your Auto Service card (and maybe your wife) and have him change your tire. Or you can change your own tire. It’s not hard.

5. Mix a decent drink:

With all due respect to all the problems that alcohol sometimes causes in our society, mixing and consuming alcoholic beverages is becoming a lost art. All most of us drink anymore is crappy American beer and cheap wine. I’m as guilty as the next guy. So learn how to mix some basic classic drinks and next time you have some friends over instead of handing out cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, impress them with a Whiskey Sour or a Manhattan.

6. Split wood with an ax:

Is there anything more manly and satisfying than swinging an ax or better yet a heavy wood maul through a log? If you haven’t split wood in years, or maybe even (gasp!) ever, go out and try it. Seriously, you’ll feel totally fucking exhilarated, like Stallone training for his fight against Ivan Drago by splitting wood in Rocky Four. But it also can go wildly wrong if you aren’t careful and don’t follow some simple precautionary rules. There’s a reason axes often pop up in Slasher movies.

7. Do basic home repairs:

You can leave the serious, heavy electric, plumbing and structural work to a professional. I sure do. But you shouldn’t need to call Joe Contractor every time you have to change out a busted electric socket or fix a window or replace a doorknob or clear a drain. Be adept with a hammer, screwdriver, pliers, wrenches, and a few other basic tools. Simple repairs are just that… simple… and there are endless instructional videos available on the internet. No, duct tape doesn’t count.

8. Sew a button:

Buttons are constantly falling off our clothes. That’s why often when you buy a shirt or pair of pants, there are those extra buttons sewn into weird places on the garment. So when one falls off learn to sew it back on. It doesn’t need to look great as long as the thread matches up pretty well. If someone is looking at your pants button that closely, well, then you might have other problems. Remember that sweet pillow you had to make in Home Economics class in high school? If you could handle that, surely you can handle sewing on a button.

9. Cook on a grill:

There’s something rewarding and special about cooking on a grill that’s different from cooking in a kitchen. It’s the whole experience, the charred meat, the ashes if you’re using charcoal, the “being outside” thing with a drink in one hand and the grilling tongs in the other. Plus you don’t really have to be a very good cook to produce a decent meal on a grill. The food is supposed to be sort of burned.

10. Cry in front of others:

Don’t worry I’m not asking you to get together with all your buddies and watch a Rom Com and have everyone get all misty eyed. But hey, it’s okay to show some emotion once in a while. If something sad occurs in your life, or your kid does something really special that makes you super proud or you see a really great Hallmark or Folger’s Coffee commercial on the TV… go ahead and let it out. C’mon brother, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!

So there you go… what would you add to this list?

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Open for Business

Open

Ring… Ring…

“Yo, dis is Joey’s Pumping Service, dis is Joey speakin’. What can I dooz for you today?

Hi… ummm… this is Steve Warner… ummm… just wanted to see if maybe you were open today?

Yo, why da fuck wouldn’t I be open today?

Sorry, just thought maybe because it was a holiday week.

Yeeaaaaah…… no….. I’m open today…. we work every day in dis bidness… there’s always lotsa cleanin’ up ta do. So…. Mr. Warner, what can I dooz for you today? I’m very busy…

Well, I’m not sure, but I think I might have a problem with my tank.

Yeah, okay, we’re da experts in dat department… so what’s goin’ on wit your tank?

Well… ummm… I don’t know but I think maybe it’s full…. there’s stuff kind of bubbling up and oozing out. Like it’s all filled up and overflowing or something…

Yo…. yeah…. dat’s a problem…. dats all da piss and vinegar.

Excuse me…?

Yeah, don’t you worry about dat Mr. Warner, dat’s just an expression we use in da bidness…. so Mr. Warner… what else is goin’ on?

We’ll there’s kind of a smell…

Ha, ha, ha… yeah, I’ve heard dat before too. Dat’s all da bullshit…

Ummm… excuse me?!?

Yeah, dat’s all da bullshit… it’s overflowin’ with da bullshit and the piss and vinegar… but don’t you worry about dat… we can getchu fixed right up good.

So… you can help?

Naaahh…. you don’t need me Mr . Warner… but I know someone dat can help… you just hold on for a second and I’ll transfer you.

Ring… Ring…

“WordPress Technical Support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?”

A writer’s brain is kind of like a big septic tank, all full of bullshit and piss and vinegar. Every day, more thoughts and ideas are flushed into that oozing, gurgling, swirling, soggy mess filling our heads. All of the stuff we experience in our lives, the stuff we see and do and hear, all the thoughts that cross our mind, all the things other people do and say, all the stuff we dream about and long for and all the stuff we accomplish and leave behind, it sits in our brains and ferments until eventually it needs to come back out in some form of written word. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter and Instagram are like the bacteria swimming in the tank and struggling to eat up all the ideas, running around like a frantic team of workers in white Haz Mat suits… with the brain screaming orders.

“C’MON PEOPLE, WE DON’T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY… THIS PLACE IS FILLING UP FAST! MOVE ALL THOSE IDEAS OVER TO SECTION ONE, THEY’RE PRETTY GOOD BUT THEY STILL NEED TO FERMENT SOME MORE… WHO IS RUNNING SECTION TWO, THAT PLACE IS A GODDAMN SHITHOLE… FUCKING USELESS STUFF OVER THERE… JUST BURY IT UP… IT WILL NEVER BE WORTH ANYTHING! ARE YOU PEOPLE EVEN LISTENING TO ME? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE ALL JUST STANDING AROUND. GODDAMN, YOU JUST CAN’T GET GOOD HELP ANYMORE! MOTHER FUCK, HERE COMES SOME MORE… DOES THIS STUFF EVER STOP POURING IN? I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH MONEY FOR THIS… FORGET IT, JUST PUT IT ALL IN SECTION THREE, THERE’S JUST A BUNCH OF USELESS SHIT IN THERE, DR. APPTS, BAND CONCERT DATES, FOOTBALL GAMES…

It was about a year and two months ago that I retired from blogging. I didn’t miss it for long while, then some days I did, then more days I didn’t and then some days I did again. But missing it isn’t why people blog… at least I don’t think.

Lately I’ve been posting some things on Facebook that I classify as “Seymour” posts. They were long enough that the reader would have to press the “See More” link to read the whole thing. They didn’t necessarily start as longer posts. They were just ideas that grew as the words started to flow, like a chunk of burning ember firing up on a windy day. That’s how Brown Road Chronicles originally started, when little bits of writing started turning into longer pieces of writing.

For a lot of people, social media sites are places to bitch and whine and maybe share pictures of their vacation or what they had for dinner last night. Or a place to crack some jokes or share links to writing they find interesting or keep in touch with far away friends. For others… well for me at least… they are forums that allow me to get rid of little chunks of writing, creative ideas, funny (or not so funny) jokes, epic rants, ideas that are taking up space in my brain.

My wife came home the other day and asked, “so, are you going to start blogging again, I’ve noticed some of your Facebook posts seem to be more like blog posts?”

“I don’t know, there’s so much pressure involved” I said sort of jokingly, but with a definite hint of truthfulness.

“Well, just don’t put the pressure on yourself” she answered innocently like someone who has never reviewed a stats page.

“There will always be some pressure… that’s just the way I operate.”

But maybe the tank is overflowing… yep, its definitely overflowing… chock full of bullshit and piss and vinegar. So, at least for a little while, Brown Road Chronicles is Open for Business.

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Last Call

Part of the Phone Calls to Julie Series

Ring… Ring…

WP: Hello, WordPress technical support, this is Julie, how can I help you today?

ME: Hi Julie, this is Steve from Brown Road Chronicles, thank you for taking my call today.

WP: Hi Mr. Warner… you’re welcome, how can I help you today?

ME: I think I’m done.

WP: You think you’re done?

ME: Yes, I think I’m done.

WP: Ummm…. done with what?

ME: I think I’m done with my blog.

WP: Okay… uhhhh…. so can I help you with something today?

ME: Well, I just didn’t know what to do when I was done.

WP: Well Mr. Warner, you can close it down, or you can leave it up so others can still find and read your posts. But why do you think you’re done?

ME: Well, I just haven’t been spending much time writing. Have you read my blog recently?

WP: Yes, I read every time you post. Maybe you’re just in a slump. All bloggers get into a writing slump sometimes.

ME: No, I’ve been in a slump before, I know what that’s like. I think this time I’m really done. I think this blog has served its purpose. It was a good blog and every good blog, just like every good book has to have an ending, right?

WP: Yes, I guess so…

ME: Well, I think it’s time to give this blog its ending. I want to do other things now. Maybe I’ll start another blog, or maybe I’ll keep working on my tyme4rhyme.com site. But right now I’m ready for a break. Plus, there’s only so many poop, fart and sex jokes out there. Remember when I called you about BOOBS? That was funny, right?

WP: I didn’t find it funny at the time, but yes, looking back it’s funny.

ME: You’ll be happy to know, I haven’t checked my stats page in weeks.

WP: That’s good…

ME: You know, Julie, this blog really changed my life. I’ve met a ton of really cool people, some have come and gone. Others, hopefully I can stay in touch with. It taught me the power of blogging and social media. It was therapeutic at times and it once again, reminded me that I can have a creative side to my life. That had been missing for a very long time. On the other hand, sometimes it was a headache worrying about it and constantly trying to come up with something worthy to write about. But I think I’ve said all I need to say here and I’ve always known I didn’t want to be one of those bloggers that just vanished without anyone knowing where they went.

WP: Yes, that happens often… well if you need help closing it down, I can help with that.

ME: No, that’s okay. I think I’ll leave it up for a while so others can still read it. A good book doesn’t go away once the author’s done writing, right?

WP: Yes, you’re right… then you could always come back to it if you wanted to.

ME: Like Brett Favre?

WP: Hahahahaha… yes like Brett Favre.

ME: We’ll, I don’t think so but you never know. It was a good blog, wasn’t it?

WP: Yes it was… is there anything else I can help you with? We’re very busy today and the phones are ringing…

ME: Ummm… uhhhh… no, I don’t think so… I guess this is my last call.

WP: Mr. Warner… I’m going to hang up now.

ME: Ummmm… okay…. uhhh… wait, Julie?

WP: Yes, Mr. Warner?

ME: Thanks for reading my blog.

WP: You’re welcome. I wish you the best.

ME: Okay, goodbye.

WP: Thank you for calling WordPress. Goodbye.

Click

To all my friends: Thank you all for reading and commenting. This was an amazingly fun ride, full of humor and heartbreak, happiness and sadness, seriousness and goofiness all wrapped up in 229 posts plus many more that were never worthy of hitting the PUBLISH button. I couldn’t possibly list all the bloggers that I have interacted with over the last several years. There is a core group of you though, that I feel like I know better than some of the folks in my “real life”. Hopefully you know who you are and its been your friendships and interactions that have made this journey the most worthwhile.  If you have not yet found me on Facebook and Twitter (@stevetwarner) and you want to, please look me up.

I will tell you all that ending a blog is not for the faint of heart. But I’ve been considering this for a long while and I think the time is right for me to retire Brown Road Chronicles. I don’t know what I will do next on the writing front. I have recently joined a small writers group of folks in my area that write stories for kids and meets once a month, so I suspect they will keep me on my toes.  Maybe there will be another blog in my future. Other than that, we’ll just see what happens next.  I promise though, that I will continue to write, continue to pick my guitar and sing songs, continue to raise two beautiful teenagers, continue to love my amazing wife, continue to sit around my fire pit, continue to drink too much wine and continue to own goats!

Best wishes to all of you!

Steve

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Five Questionable Playground Debate Positions from when I was a kid

Playgrounds were a tough place when I was a kid and we often had to use our limited resources to stand up for our rights. Here’s five examples of Playground Debate Positions that were questionable in their results.

1. You have Cooties:

Example:

Sally: Will you kiss me under the Monkey Bars?
Billy: Gross! I’m not going to kiss you under the Monkey Bars. You have Cooties!
Sally: Well, I guess I’ll have to kiss all the other boys under the Monkey Bars.

Why this is a questionable playground debate position:

The Centers for Disease Control have no actual documentation of the disease Cooties, what pathogen might cause it and what the signs and symptoms might be. But the similarity to the words Cootch or it’s derivative Cootchie Mama, leads many researchers to believe that it is a form of Sexually Transmitted Disease associated with girl parts.

Analysis:

Like any Sexually Transmitted Disease, the odds of someone Sally’s age having Cooties is very slim. As children grow into adults and become more sexually active the chances of being exposed to a disease like Cooties becomes much more prevalent. If Billy had been more caring to Sally on the playground and not worried so much about catching Cooties, perhaps Sally would not have grown up and exposed Billy to a real STD when he slept with her in the back of his Ford Mustang.

2. I’m rubber and you’re glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you:

Sally: Billy, you’re a dumb jerk!
Billy: I’m rubber and you’re glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Why this is a questionable playground debate position:

Anyone that has ever tried to glue something that wasn’t on a flat surface understands that if a person was actually made of glue, the odds of something sticking and not immediately falling off is very slim.

Analysis:

Billy has not figured out that Sally calling him a “dumb jerk” is actually her way of showing affection for him and that she is likely interested in a romantic relationship. Billy’s response, alluding to the fact that everything people say to him bounces off, is indicative of a serious self-esteem issue, his avoidance of conflict and personal contact and an inability to stand up for himself in any productive way. In addition, Billy describing himself as “rubber” suggests he has been labeled with terminology such as “bouncy” or “bouncing off the walls” which leads us to believe there are more serious, untreated hyperactivity disorders.

3. I know you are but what am I?:

Example:

Billy: Sally, you’re a dumb jerk!
Sally: I know you are but what am I?
Billy: You’re a moron!
Sally: I know you are but what am I?
Billy: YOU’RE A STUPID HO AND SO IS YOUR MOTHER!
Sally: I know you are but what am I?
And on and on…

Why this is a questionable playground debate position:

On the surface this seems like a “can’t lose” debate position for Sally. She is subtly throwing the insult back at Billy each time (“I know you are…). But she is also continually asking Billy to come up with another, even more horrible insult (…but what am I?).

Analysis:

After an hour or so of this back and forth, Sally will have been called at the very least, a DUMB JERK MORON STUPID HO AND SO IS YOUR MOTHER, while offering nothing back in the way of any defensible position for herself.

4. Up Your Nose with a Rubber Hose:

Example:
Billy: Sally would you like to go the 1st grade dance with me?
Sally: No Billy, you have Cooties!
Billy: Up your nose with a rubber hose.

Why this is a questionable playground debate position:

Billy’s response offers nothing of value to the conversation. Had Billy just responded honestly and declared himself “Cootie free” he may have secured a date to the 1st grade dance.

Analysis:

Although Billy’s statement may sound somewhat aggressive, in reality it’s his way of reiterating that he really likes Sally and that he hopes she will reconsider going to the 1st grade dance with him. From Sally’s viewpoint, however, such a non-sensical statement only reinforces her belief that all men are ignorant, it offers nothing productive in the way of continuing the conversation and it certainly doesn’t spark her interest in going to the dance.

5. Boys go to Mars and get more Candy Bars, Girls go to Jupiter and get more stupider:

Example:

Sally: Girls are better than boys!
Billy: Boys go to Mars and get more Candy Bars, Girls go to Jupiter and get more stupider.

Why this is a questionable debate position:

Certainly going to Mars would be preferable to going to Jupiter. Mars offers a much more hospitable, although mostly deadly climate than Jupiter and is the one planet that humans are continually researching as the next frontier of space travel. However, there is really no supporting documentation that going to Mars would result in getting ANY candy bars, let alone MORE candy bars and that going to Jupiter would make someone stupider.

Analysis:

Whereas Sally makes a very simple, concise and well thought out statement, “Girls are better than boys”, Billy’s response reeks of the desperation of a boy who has romantic feelings for Sally, panics when spoken to and responds with another completely nonsensical statement. Billy also uses the word Stupider which clearly proves he is remedial at best and falls on the lower end of the educational spectrum.

In conclusion:

Billy and Sally were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First came love, then came marriage, then came a baby in a baby carriage. The end.

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Counting on My Fingers and Toes

Some of you old-timers may remember this post: From One to Ten.  With a little editing I’ve turned it into a song. Sorry, I pulled the audio off a video camera so the recording isn’t that great.

Counting on My Fingers and Toes

I once thought that ONE was enough.
Me by myself with only my stuff.
But I met a nice girl and love it was true.
We had a big wedding and then we were TWO.

We once thought that TWO was okay.
She and I hanging out every day.
But we drove by a sign that said, “kittens for free!”
We took home a kitten, and then we were THREE.

We once thought that THREE wasn’t bad.
There wasn’t anybody we wanted to add.
But then we decided to get one more.
A friend for our cat and then we were FOUR.

This is the story how my family goes.
Changing every day right under my nose.
Kinda like a flower living in the garden.
Sprinkle in some love and it grows and grows.

This is the story how my family goes.
How big we’ll get, well nobody knows.
For now I’ll just have to keep on counting.
Starting off small, getting bigger and bigger.
That’s how my family grows.

We once thought that FOUR was fine.
One cat was her’s and one cat was mine.
One day a beautiful baby arrived.
A sweet little girl, and then we were FIVE.

We once thought that FIVE was alright.
Though space was getting a little bit tight.
But we wanted to add one more to the mix.
Along came a boy and then we were SIX.

We once thought that SIX was nice.
Not a bird or a fish or a snake would entice.
Then we decided two dogs would be great.
We skipped over SEVEN and went straight to EIGHT.

This is the story how my family goes.
Changing every day right under my nose.
Kinda like a flower living in the garden.
Sprinkle in some love and that’s how it grows.

This is the story how my family goes.
How big we’ll get, well nobody knows.
For now I’ll just have to keep on counting.
Starting off small, getting bigger and bigger.
That’s how my family grows.

We once thought that EIGHT was plenty.
At least it was only eight and not twenty.
Then one of our dogs, she went up to heaven.
Suddenly we were back down to SEVEN.

We once thought that SEVEN was ample.
Add any more and we’d surely be trampled.
“I have two goats” said a friend of mine.
We took home the goats and then we were NINE.

We once thought that NINE was neat.
But something was missing to make us complete.
We all liked riding a horse now and then.
We got ourselves a horse and then we were TEN.

This is the story how my family goes.
Changing every day right under my nose.
Kinda like a flower living in the garden.
Sprinkle in some love and it grows and grows.

This is the story how my family grows.
Someday we may add more, I suppose.
For now I’ll just have to keep on counting.
But if we keep getting bigger and bigger.
I’ll be counting on my fingers and toes!

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Firsts and Lasts at She’s a Maineiac

This blog has been WAY too serious lately…

So… this is a perfect time to be the featured writer over at everyone’s favorite blog, She’s a Maineiac, with its host, the super-funny, coffee drinking, plaid wearing, half-sane mama Darla.

Maineiac

I met Darla in April of 2011 when I left a comment on her About page after discovering she was from Maine.  I think it said something about “I didn’t know they had computers in Maine” and “have you ever hit a moose with your car?”

No, I’m kidding… my wife and I went to college and met in Maine, so I was happy to find a little connection to one of my favorite states in this big bad blogging world. I love Maine, it’s a wicked cool place, ayuh! It’s known for the world-famous artists “Bert and I” who in a classic Maine accent, tell funny stories about “Downeast”. It’s known for the iconic LL Bean store, where my Barn Coat came from that I wrote about in my one and only Freshly Pressed post, and of course it’s know for Lobstah! If I didn’t love Michigan so much, I’d probably want to live in Maine.

You can listen to some Bert and I clips here: http://www.islandportpress.com/bertandi/index.html

When Darla asked me to be the featured blogger on her monthly series “Firsts and Lasts”, I knew I had finally made it big in the blogging world. All I had to do was answer a series of questions on this personality test that she e-mailed to me. I think she called it something like the Darla Richter MultiPhasic Personality Indicator.  I figured… “how hard could that be?” and since she has like a zillion followers, I thought maybe this would be a good opportunity to pick up two or three more.

I tried to answer as truthfully as I could, except for the questions that I didn’t answer that truthfully.

So come hang out with us today over at She’s a Maineiac and read my answers and check out some of Darla’s stuff. She’s funny, she’s well-known and highly regarded in our little corner of the virtual world, she’s been Freshly Pressed several times and she has some mad Photoshopping skills.

I’d leave you a link to her site, but….. in the words of Bert and I, “come to think of it… you can’t get there from here.”

No… seriously, just click this link and you’ll be there faster than Captain Kirk in a Star Trek Transporter.

Firsts and Lasts with Steve from Brown Road Chronicles

Have fun… and as always, thanks for reading!

 

 

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